A
female
age
51-59,
*race89
writes:Well i have been confused about this for years. My husband dose this and other guys do this and i believe other girls do this. I have put on some weight through the years after i have had my kids and even before then i wasn't skinny but i was muscular. y husband always said he likes girls with some meat on there bones and dosen't like the real skinny type and he has a thing for red heads. Well i am not a redhead but i have meat on my bones but what he looks at in porn are not meaty girls they are what he says he doesn't like. He never looks at girls that are big like me. Why is this? i am starting understand the porn and masturbation thing and learning to ignore and accept it but i have read some stuff that guys have said in the past and even what my husband has said and it comes across as you guys look at porn because there are things we can't give you or you wouldn't try in real life and i get that but guys have also said they look at porn because there dream girls are there. Dose that mean you are sorry for marrying us or that we are not good enough? I feel like why in the world did my husband or other guys marry when there wives are not the total package? Some guys say looks are not everything and they marry there wives for there inside and out side but it doesn't seem like it.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (13 May 2012):
 "what he looks at in porn are not meaty girls they are what he says he doesn't like. He never looks at girls that are big like me."So he nevere ever looks at ticker, bigger women when watching porn? He always only watches thinner, or average women? If he only views porn of one specific weight category, then YES, he DOES in fact like the visual of a thinner woman. Sorry, I don't believe for a moment that he find overweight women attractive. If he did, wouldn't he want heavier women as visual stimuli? Wouldn't he at least have a variety of sizes during his porn viewing time? From your description, he has a very specific type - thin and a redhead. That IS his ideal.Does this mean that he does not find you attractive? Absolutely not. Truth is, he simply couldn't get or find a thin readhead with a great personality that was into him. That is the reality of things. Most women and men do settle because they cannot find or get what they really want in LaLa Land. It doesn't mean they don't love the person they're with or find them attractive. It just means you're not the ideal.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 May 2012):
 Reality and fantasy are two different things. You can fantasize about tall, dark and handsome strangers, but in reality you prefer a Nordic looking guy.
While it might be cool for a guy to have sex with a girl who looks like a pornstar, I don't think many would want to date/get married to one.
I also don't believer there is a one-fit all mold for men an women.
I think you should talk to your husband about how porn makes you feel, I'm willing to be he has no idea.
I also think you should try not to compare yourself to a pornstar. It's pointless.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (13 May 2012):
 It's a condradiction in terms. Porn women aren't going to walk up to any of the guys we're married to and say, "Hey baby, let's go have a drink and get to know each other" although clearly they'd prefer those types of women over us. So in a sense they're "settling" for what they can get not what they really want. Any man who tries to tell you differently is a fool. It is what it is and porn always hurts relationships I don't care how you slice it. If you want to drive this point home, just buy some really hunky guy porn and then try to convince his wilting ego that 'Oh no, honey I don't really want this kind of man, I just want want to watch him undress and pretend he's in the room with me while I masterbate....really.....honestly. I do love only you."
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 May 2012):
 Because choosing a woman to spend all your life with and choosing a woman to masturbate over her image are two completely different things which respond to completely different needs and logics ?...
Men also marry women that don't look anything like the sofas they buy to sit their butt on. Porn stars are like sofas : a convenience. Something to use to make yourself comfortable and help make your leisure time more pleasurable. Men go to the sofa shop and , among what's in offer, they select something that to them looks good. But when they shop for a wife, they do not demend her to be made of red velvet or floral chintz.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 May 2012):
There's a show on vh1 called "Tough Love." There's a girl on there that basically tries to fit the porn star stereotype. She has long blonde hair, overdone makeup, lip injections, fake boobs...any guy that was even somewhat interested in her said, "She seems nice, but she really needs to tone it down." She thought she was fitting some image that men wanted, but in reality, she doesn't look like the kind of girl that they want to bring home to meet mom.
Sure, men fantasize about these barbie doll wanna-be's. But it's only for sexual purposes. They don't actually want to marry someone that looks like she has sex for money (some do, but I'm pretty sure most don't). And in all honesty, is your husband all "that?" Does he have six pack abs, a full head of hair, and chiseled features? Probably not, but you married him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): "Why do men marry women that aren't anything like what they look at in porn?"
For the same reason women marry men that aren't anythintg like what they look at in the movies. Porn stars and movie stars are hired for their good looks and smokin' hot bods
to fulfill audiences' otherwise unattainable fantasies.
If most men had the money and/or looks allowing them to marry women who look like porn stars if they so chose, there'd be no market for porn and therefore no female porn stars.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 May 2012):
 Porn is its own fairy tale... and only a pretty-dumb man (or woman) would believe that it (porn) has much connection with "real life."
Soooo, the "answer" to your question is that guys KNOW that porn is fairy-tales... and, despite that, we watch it.... and happen to marry women who bear little or no resemblence to "porn stars." It's really not much of a mystery.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): "So dose this mean we are not enough as women?"
No it doesn't.
OP have you any proof other than his porn usage that makes you believe he thinks you're not enough? Name one other thing.
"us women are supised to understand and blame ourselves for them being that way and our fault for feeling this way because they are just being themselve"
Us women? You do mean you right? Because my girlfriend is nothing like the girls I view in porn and I'm nothing like the guys she looks at in porn. But neither of us are unhappy with our weight, neither of us are insecure, the difference with you is that you are. You're the one putting all these ideas in your head because you feel in adequate for some reason.
You mention weight gain a lot, then just lose that weight then if it's an issue that's making you feel down about yourself OP. Why are you projecting this onto him? There are skinnier women everywhere in his life, but guess what he's married to you, loves you and thinks you're beautiful otherwise why would he have done that?
OP are you seriously trying to tell us that you don't understand how a person may have varying tastes when it comes to attraction? I like girls of all races, height, breast size etc. My tastes aren't solely confined to one sub set of women, they're certainly not confined to my girlfriends body type but that doesn't mean that to me she isn't the apex of womanhood because she is. I don't compare her to other women because there's nothing compare, no other woman can compete with her. Does that mean I will never find another girl attractive? No, does that mean I will only ever find girls with the same body type as her attractive? Of course not.
OP you've said it lots of times in your post that this is all about your weight, you don't like it and you think he doesn't find you attractive because of it. Because "how can he" when he doesn't look for girls online with your weight issues.
How about you focus on improving the things you don't like about you, like your weight and forget about what he looks at in porn. Because he could stop using porn tomorrow and never use it again, you're still going to think your unattractive and you'll just find other things he does to validate your insecurity. He may give up porn, but then you won't like him watching other types of movie with skinny women in it, or maybe you'll start seeing him talking to skinnier women and think he likes them more.
For the record OP I'm not trying to tell you to accept porn or that you have to put up with something you're against nor that it's wrong to dislike porn, I'm just convinced that's no the real issue here. Be honest with yourself is your weight an issue for you? Is it possible that you're projecting feelings of inadequacy onto him?
My advice OP would be to fix that, lose weight regain the confidence you probably had before and see if after that the porn thing is still an issue. If not then fine, if it then at least you'll be happy living in your skin again and you can approach the topic more confidently.
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A
female
reader, grace89 +, writes (12 May 2012):
grace89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo dose this mean we are not enough as women? Or that i need to unsewrstand there is some lying on what he wants in a women and that its just that they want there cake and eat it and us women are supised to understand and blame ourselves for them being that way and our fault for feeling this way because they are just being themselve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): would you date/marry a guy with a 70s hairdo,cheap suit and big moustache ? No, probably not, but you may be curious enough to watch him in a porn film
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (12 May 2012):
 personally i like real women, real women that are not fake, made up, silicone boobs, fake acting, ect.
i would rather have a real woman that is real, good character, personality , nice body ( not perfect )curves, honest (true heart).
the women in porn are not a total package,they are giving them self away cheap in front of a camera to any guy with a d**k to stuff in them that a director places them with.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 May 2012):
 I have links to several posts about this on my profile page that might help you out.
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