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How to leave my needy, clingy, insecure boyfriend?

Tagged as: Age differences, Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 January 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 8 February 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, *errymambono5 writes:

I met my boyfriend when I was quite vunerable (just got out of hospital). I had also seperated from a man who did not pay me any attention and I have a little girl who is nearly four. I was very lonely and in a bad situation. My current boyfriend came along and literally swept me off my feet, romantic meals, presents etc. Within four months we were all living together and I convinced myself I was happy. He helped financially, was good around the house and helped lots with my daughter. However as I got stronger I wanted to go back to what I usually do. I have alot of friends, work hard and am quite social. He however does not have any friends he socialises with. He says he sees his friends at work and does not need to see them outside. He wanted to do everything with me and go everywhere with me. I began to feel smothered and like I couldn't breathe. He wanted attention every night, hugs and kisses every twenty mins and sex every night. I could not even read my book in peace because he wanted attention or to watch a movie together. I would be busy after work attending to my daughter and tired but he would ring me even from the bus on his way home because he said he needed someone to talk to. He became quite controlling with my daughter, would not allow any pictures of her dad in the house, wanted them destroyed even though I said I did not want to look at them but wanted to keep them in case she wanted to look at them. Would not let my ex see her during the week, wanted her to eat every thing on her plate at meal times even though I work differently. If I disagreed with him he would get angry and say I was undermining him then go sulk upstairs for hours on end. He did not seem to have a problem with me seeing my friends occasionally but when I got home he would be waiting up and would say he needed to talk to me as not seen me all day and had missed me. He told me he missed me every day even though he never went anywhere! Saying we had not had quality time together.(I'm working and have a small child and am tired!). He would try and have sex with me even though I would say I was tired then he would say ok just a massage and try and instigate it that way. Financially he bought all the furniture for the house and took over all the bills. I began to feel very trapped. I tried to finish him on new Years Day but he told me that I loved him in the beginning so we must be able to get back to that. I tried to finish it again a week later but he then told me he thought I was just depressed and needed anti-depressants, he had also bought me an iphone. I started to feel confused. I tried to finish it the next day and he said he would not leave the house. Eventually he went to his parents but on the provision we had a two week break while I sorted my feelings out. He has rang and texted every day even though we agreed no contact. He texted last night after I said I would not ring him (needed a bath) and said he cannot cope and do I realise its a week since he saw me.

I feel so much better since he has left. Initially I missed him a bit but now I feel liek I can breathe again and its so nice to have my own space again. My friend saw him the other day though as they work together on a web site and she said that he is absolutely convinced he is coming back after the two weeks and it has not even entered his head he is not. He has promised to try go out the house more and go to the cinema with a friend but I don't think thats enough. I think we are just very different personalities and I am enjoying being on my own with my friends and daughter. This weekend he wants to meet up to discuss things. I don't even want to see him because I think he going to talk me out of it again. What should I do??? I'm 35 and he is 24 by the way.

View related questions: at work, depressed, insecure, my ex, text, trapped

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011):

He sounds to me like a very needy individual. I would suggest that you get out of this relationship while you stil have the opportunity. You are not responsible for the "issues" going on in his personality and you are not beholden to him. My advice would be to cut and run whilst you still have the opportunity. It sounds to me as if he has taken advantage of your temporary vulnerability. This does not make him a bad person per se, but if it compromises your life then you need to get out and a lepoard will NOT change its spots!!!

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A female reader, gerrymambono5 United Kingdom +, writes (17 January 2011):

gerrymambono5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your replies. I would like to add that my ex-husband ended up cheating on me with quite a few different women so I certainly would not be going for a womaniser. I think I just understandably at the time lapped all the attention up in this second relationship but unfortunately it became too much. I definetly just need to be on my own again for a while. I feel absolutely dreadful at the moment as he is taking it very badly. I am going to try again tomorrow and be really firm this time. I wish I felt differently. Once again thanks for your replies.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011):

1st doesnt pay you any attention. 2nd smothers you? Maybe you would be better being single until you work out what floats your boat. A womaniser could be a challenge? Married guy who will one day leave his wife perhaps? A lonely woman who`s love life is in a chat room? A boyfriend and a fwb at the same time? A sexual relationship through texting? Maybe something inbetween?

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