A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why do I keep running into men that are cheap,they always want something for nothing? I've ran into plenty of guys who want to use me for sex but then if I need something they won't have my back. Like why should I give u what u want but you can't give me what I want.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (6 August 2016):
Long story short - you are giving away what they want for free.
If you want a man to commit resources to you, then make him wait for sex until you are in a committed relationship.
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (5 August 2016):
 because they are out to get SEX. if you give it up freely, cheaply, and quick to please they are going to take it and run.
why should they give you what you want, when you gave them what they were after, SEX.
some guys will take sex and run. if you are giving out they will take it. what did you expect? that they would be high quality guys?
if you want a guy to treat you like a lady and not a sex toy you will need to be someone with self respect , hard to get, and not giving out to anyone that comes along.
these are not soft words but should make you think, it may be the type of guys you are hanging around, and looking for. you have got to pass a lot of fast food joints to find a steak house.
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A
female
reader, anonem +, writes (5 August 2016):
 I have read most of the comments here and I am happy we are in the same age bracket and I would happily advise you because I am where you are going through the same thing.From your post, many of the commenter here have misquoted you. You only asked why you meet cheap dudes. According to me at least, I meet or met cheap dudes due to my desperation. Also, I wanted to meet guys who were going to give me my ideal fantasy of what a relationship should be like forgetting that they also have feelings too. I was afraid I had been in unsuccessful relationships, no guy has spoilt me silly, treated me the way I wanted. I was thinking of my age, my friends who are married, dating, etc. Desperation is what makes most people meet wrong people. Relax your self, settle your mind, don't make meeting guys your priority. Make sure when you go out, it is to enjoy yourself not hoping to meet a great dude. Life is a bitch, dosent happen that way all the time.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (4 August 2016):
 Male anon, you're talking about what you're doing to get sex, though, not a partner.
Why are you bribing guys with sex, OP? If sex is all they want, of course they won't hang around. Besides, sex still shouldn't be used as "payment". What exactly is it you want in return?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2016): I think the an an poster said it best: courting is dead. BECAUSE women are more financially independent, a man may feel he shouldn't have to pay for your dinner or the date.when I was young, I naively thought that insisting on paying my way would make us EQUAL and I would not be used for sex. I was STILL used, I got nothing out of it. So I decided to let guys pay and take me on dates. Guess what? They still expected sex and once that happened, the wooing stopped. The flirting and dates stopped. All that was left was sex.
It helps to know what you want If you want a relationship, it takes WORK and you have to make the guy work for it. In turn, YOU need to work for it. For now, if YOU do the inviting, you pay. If you can't afford that, offer free dates like exploring a metro park, local historical landmarks and similar. Offer to pack some lunches. Seriously, keep ALL your dates PUBLIC for a few months. Keep them short, just a few hours. Make sure you're getting to know one another, you can show some affection still, putting your arm around him, snuggling in a theater, hugs and kisses hello and goodbye. Things you wouldn't mind doing in front of a nun.
I gotta warn you, though. Most guys will just decide you're not interested if you refuse to come to his place or have him alone at yours. Our society likes to move fast in the dating world and if there's no sex within a month, they're over it. If they day, "guess you're just that into me" oh... I've had plenty of guys who were FURIOUS with me for "fucking with them" or stringing them along. Just respond with "Robert, I am very into you! I just like to take it slow to make sure it's a sure thing"
If he's a good guy, he'll offer to pay for some dates and he'll be more creative than "just come to my place". The reason courting is dead is because those who court do it like the Duggar family: they're seeking a potential spouse. And they only court a. supervised b. for a very short periods c. with eventual marriage as the goal. The men who still date a girl like that are turned off by girls who flirt a lot or approach men bc they see her as "easy or sexually aggressive".
The problem is, a lot of young ladies want the best of both worlds: they want to be equal, to be able to approach guys, to date around just for fun... and they want to be dated or wooed by old fashioned gentlemen. But they want to call the shots in the relationship! If you just want to date around and have fun, expect sex. If you want a committed relationship and want to date to find " the one" you can weed out the users by making it clear that there will BE no sex until you're ready. DO NOT let him talk you into setting a date for sex bc that's all he'll think of. And he'll try to talk you into pushing the date up earlier. If he responds with "so you're a virgin? Bullshit!" Or, "it's not like you're a virgin" "what, you think I'm gonna hurt you?" You answer with, "it's none of your business" "I'm not having sex/oral/spending the night until I'M ready." "I'm done with this conversation and I'm leaving now"
That will piss ppl off, but oh well.
And please, don't stay trapped like I did for so long. Think about where you meet these guys and what they had in common. Alcohol? Party atmosphere? Friendly customer who took your friendliness the wrong way? Do YOU act very touchy feely when you flirt? Give a new guy one on one attention and talk for hours right away? Those were things I found in my past mistakes.
Its part who you're approaching and how you're reacting to attention they give you. I highly doubt you're meeting these guys at church picnics and Christian concerts (synagogue/mosque/etc)
I truly hope I helped
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2016): When you have sex you're already getting something in return, sex! It's equal. Girls SAY they want to be treated equally but they don't mean it. They expect the guy to fall all over himself giving her attention and dates but then they say thank you but I just want to be friend's. I've tried cheap dates (free events around town) but the girl gets bored and wants to go home after two hours. And she wants to go home ALONE. And she never calls unless she wants something. I've found that I have to be the asshole to get sex. If I take my time, she's not interested. Or she wants me to KEEP taking her out and lavishing attention on her for all eternity and calls me her boyfriend... but no sex. Maybe you're one of those girls too?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2016): Men can get sex these days so easy that they dont need to do ANYTHING at all. There are websites where women and men can find each other just for hook ups. And its free, not even a cup of coffee should be bought. Courting is dead, and its all about equality. I had this euqility issue thought over and came to conclusion, why should not men expect a woman to pay her own way. These times are gone when women did not work and made no money. Though still women are paid less then men, but everyone have jobs. A woman can and should support themselves and not expect a guy to help out. And the reason for it is to be totally independent emotionally, and make wright choices . If a woman is independent she can find a qualified partner who makes sufficient income, productive and a proper person to marry and raise children with.Money is power, make them, manage them smartly, learn and be your own person. And then you will find a guy who matches you, but not just someone who wants to use you for sex and then forget about you the minute he zips up his pants.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 August 2016):
 I am with llifton on this, your question is vague, what is it you are wanting from men. The term "having your back" usually relates to somebody being your second pair of eyes, like providing protection, why do you need somebody to have your back?
More information may see different answers coming your way.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (3 August 2016):
 Sorry to say; but the fact is if one acts cheap by letting plenty of guys use them for sex, then you get cheap in return. There’s no obligation to fulfill anyone’s needs thereafter when it’s straight out casual sex you’re having. Are you in a decent meaningful relationship with these cheap men – NO!
If you wanted something in return I can only imagine you exchanged a sex service expecting them to do something for you and they later went back on their word? Did you perhaps think having sex with them is a form of bartering where they owe you a favour later on? That's not health thinking or how it works.
Like Forrest Gump said; “stupid is as stupid does” So try running in the opposite direction and start thinking and acting smart too get smart results in return. Especially if you want a decent relationship!
Take Care - CAA
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 August 2016):
 If you're giving up sex easily, most guys in this day and age will see that as a godsend. If you want to meet decent guys, you need to make sure they're a person that respects you and is willing to wait until you're ready to have sex and that they show a keen interest in being there for when you need it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2016): Social etiquette and tradition requires the guy to foot the bill on dates. He is expected to be the primary bread-winner in a household; and society often considers him a loser if his girlfriend or wife earns more money. They're not always bums or being cheap. They're being cautious.
Men are viewed as a means of "support."
Men don't like being held to these standards; when economic conditions are flaky, and women are often very demanding when it comes to finance and security. When they marry, they want a nice house, two cars, a healthy bank account, and want to start a family immediately. Even when a guy can afford these things, he wonders if it is he she wanted; or just for him to provide a life of comfort and financial-security? Some women show no shame about it. If things don't work-out, they don't intend to leave empty-handed.
Some really generous men of good character end up broke following their hearts. Others get put-down and accused of lacking ambition; because their needs are simple, and they're just not that materialistic.
Some good men don't earn much; but they are great hardworking men. Willing to be generous when they feel free to give from the heart, not on demand. So a large number of young men decide to stay single as FatherlyAdvice mentions in his post. Some earn a very good living, but they are not quick to expose too much about finances to avoid being selected only because of his income. He'll be less forthcoming about finances, even pretend to be broke. If a potential date is on equal financial-footing, including the fact this is now the 21st century; men don feel compelled to grab the check. We like money spent on us too. Big shots like to splurge and make it rain, but they usually treat you like a gold-digging bimbo. They have no respect for women, in most cases. They see them as ornaments, trophies, and accessories to go with their fancy cars and big houses. Which also means they will frequently replace women; when they seem too greedy or demanding. High-maintenance as you might call it.
If you are looking for a sugar daddy, or some guy to pay the bills, because you offer him sex; that is considered prostitution. If you always seem to have financial woes, you scare men off. Mainly because that's evidence you don't budget or live within your means. Viewing men as the way to seek financial-relief. Guys don't have to accept this, and most don't.
Girlfriends like presents, trips, dinner, jewelry, and various forms of entertainment. With many, the more you give; the more they like you. Some guys don't like his wallet and earning potential to determine his worthiness as a mate. The more you earn, often will determine if a woman will even go out with you. I'd say perhaps most are deserving, but many really aren't. Especially those with bad attitudes and twisted notions about men.
It may not be that they're cheap. Maybe they don't want to support a woman they're not committed to. If money is always the main topic of discussion, it's a turn-off.
Even for a guy who has lots of money. Sometimes you want to be liked or loved for being you, and not for what's in your wallet.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 August 2016):
 What is it that you want?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (2 August 2016):
 Quite simply young men in the US are quickly learning that they can live quite comfortably single on a very ow income. That the only reason they should pursue a career of substance is so they can attract the attention of a woman who would otherwise not talk to them. In fact it is a common complaint that the first questions a prospective date asks a guy are about his job, car and ability to cook. Men actively complain that they are only valued for their earning potential. Men find this objectifying behavior a turn off.
I suspect that many of the men you are referring to either do not have the money due to low paying jobs, or are in fact testing you to see if you are after the money.
Most women rank financial security high on their list of emotional needs. They cannot love a man who cannot make them feel secure. If a man is offended by this he does run the risk of not attracting women. Currently men are running scared. women demand financial security, but do not offer fidelity in exchange and the man is left with no way to provide financial security to the next person because the first has taken all he can produce, then left him for someone who could provide 10% more.
Anyway these are just some of the social pressures out there creating a generation of "cheap" men.
I 100% agree with YouWish. Build emotional intimacy first. Then your physical intimacy will follow naturally and he will be much more comfortable with financial intimacy.
One last thing. A man looking for a serious long term relationship wants someone who can handle money well. if you are constantly running short of money it is a sign to men that you are not a good money manager. That can be scary to him,
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 August 2016):
 The phrasing of your post says a lot about how you view sex. Sex is not and shouldn't be "transactional" unless you've made a conscious decision to sell it for something.
When I saw the title of this, I had visions of guys who made you pay for all of their dinners, or made you buy them stuff, or paid with free coupons on a first date. My eyes got a little wider when I saw that you believe that sex was the transaction that should tie them to you when you need them.
You are making a common mistake of the young, and I'd suggest that the sex part in a relationship is what's causing you to come up against this wall.
You're hoping that like you, sex would bond the guy to you and be an integral part in building the relationship. It's not. In fact, many people are big on the "no strings attached" sex believing that it's taking place to fulfill a mutual biological release. That is not the case.
I highly doubt you're interested in prostitution or looking for a sugar daddy who will have sex with you in exchange for money, gifts, or easy living.
So let me suggest a different way...
Don't have sex with guys!
Yes, I know that that's impossible. But let me complete my thought. Meet guys who will build emotional intimacy without needing sex on the first stages of the relationship. Sex for you should be happening BECAUSE you've created a strong relationship. It shouldn't be happening to BUILD a strong relationship, or you'll have this happen over and over and over and be left wondering why all of these guys are climbing and running, because then these guys who are only after non-attached sex run from communication from you that you assume that sex should bring the attachment.
If you believe that sex should be reserved for relationships (as I do as well!), then you should not have sex with anyone but an already-attached relationship.
You will scare many guys away, but those would have been the guys who would have sexed you and ran. However, you'll find a guy who will get to know you, as you will him, then an emotional attachment will happen, and then when the sex happens, you'll enjoy it far more because you'll know him much better. The sex will be the result of a strong relationship rather than the tool you use to try to attach a guy to you.
It's a matter of shifting perspective for you in how you view sex. Won't be easy to buck a life-view of sex, but you're young. Hopefully your trial and error won't be too much error. You did the right thing by coming here! Hopefully you'll be alright.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2016): Why do you keep running into products in stores that want to take your money and deliver ripoff bad quality?
It's a dog-eat-dog world. If you go impulse-buying the prettiest packaging & advertising more than doing the homework to figure out the better choices, you will get burned.
You can normally expect the good deals to be FAR, FAR outweighed by the bad ones. That's life.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (2 August 2016):
Those men are players who usually stand out because of their confidence and charm. You don't give much background to this question. Do you take things slowly? Are they made to wait for sex?
If a user thinks he has got a chance, he will say what ever you want to hear. If he thinks it is going to be easier to look elsewhere, he will. You are not going to avoid people like this, but wait long enough to spot and deter them.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 August 2016):
If you don't WANT to have sex with a guy, then don't. If you want to wait a while longer till you feel comfortable or know that it's an exclusive relationship then do so.
Expecting "favors" from men because you spread your legs, is just not how it works. UNLESS we talk prostitution.
You made your post vague enough that it's hard to "get" what it is you expect in return for exactly what.
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