A
female
age
51-59,
*W1972
writes:Why do I get so mad at my boyfriend for no reason and say such hurtful things to him that I dont mean? I love him with all my heart I dont want to push him away from me. I can't seem to control my mouth when I get mad.He's really getting fed up with it and I dont want us to break up? Who do I get help from? Is it depression or anger? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): That's two separate issues : why can't you control your words when you're angry at him (and is it really "can't " or actually "won't "?), and why do you even get so angry at him to begin with.If he is getting fed up with this it must mean it happens frequently, and /or is intense enough and upsetting enough to him to leave a lasting negative impression on him. A break up is already imminent so you should get into counseling ASAP and be prepared to do a lot of uncomfortable work if it isn't already too late.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 Learn to control yourself. Go to counselling or he'll leave you.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 January 2013):
Just get in the habit of not reacting right away whenever you get upset. As soon as you feel it coming on tell him you need a moment and then approach the situation when you're thinking straight.
My wife does the same and it doesn't matter how much I live her it affects the way I think about her and it makes me question the whole "growing old together" thing.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 I have definitely experienced your problem and what I found works the best is to force yourself to take a step back from the arguement and give yourself 10 or 15 min to calm down and think. Arguements are very natural but need to have thought put into them. In an ideal situation no arguement would take place right in the heat of the moment.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (13 January 2013):
Dear OP,
I know some people that can get really angry and hurtful, they just seem to be less able to control their anger. Has this already happened to you with other people, I mean, is it a general problem, or has this only ever occured with him?
Of course, I can only guess why this happens to you. Maybe you learned some of this hurtful behaviour as a child, for instance through your parents. Or you already had this problem earlier, let's say with a former boyfriend.
Also, I can't know if this is depression or anger, it could be both at the same time. Or a deeper relationship problem. Or that you don't give each other enough space.
I'd recommend couples therapy or counselling. Or, as a start, you could go to a library or a bookstore and see if they have good self help books about anger management. I saw that there are some seemingly good titles on amazon.com.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (12 January 2013):
 I don't believe there is any such thing as ".....for no reason."
First, I would ask you are you absolutely certain there is nothing in his behavior or attitude - no matter how subtle - that doesn't rub you the wrong way?
I think at some level (maybe half-conscious on your part) that you DO in fact want to push him away albeit in such a manner that HE rejects you and you can then throw up your hands, so to speak, and be resentful about his "bad treatment."
OR maybe there is something in your life and/or about yourself that you are not satisfied with. Is it possible that your self-esteem is low and leads you to think you don't deserve happiness?
My advice to you is to give serious thought to these questions and see what insights you gain. You'll then be be better able to start coming to grips with them.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 January 2013):
 Your boyfriend probably did something that triggered your anger. You overreacted and your anger helped you feel in control of your strong emotions. Most of the times nice people with good intentions have no wish to anger you. The trick is to be aware when strong emotions come to you. Anger is a part of you and it serves to protect you from harm. When emotions are not regulated you set your threshold too low and you get hypersensitive, thinking that every one is out to get you. There is not enough information here. The only thing I can suggest is eat well and sleep well. Do something pampering on your hormonal days.
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