A
male
age
41-50,
*inter_one
writes:I've been in a relationship for a few months now with a girl who I really like. In fact, I don't think I've ever liked someone as much as I do her.The problem I have is I'm getting quite insecure about it. I'm not sure if it's just a lack of self-confidence or self-esteem but at every turn I'm expecting her to turn round and say that we should go our separate ways. I've even taken to replaying conversations and encounters in my head and analysing them (as well as other situations) for possible reasons as to why she might end up ending things with me. As a result, it's making me extremely uneasy whenever we're apart. I've never spoken to her about this or even let on that I'm having these feelings for fear that she will think me strange, but I'm still having them nonetheless.Does anyone know of any way that I could try and deal with this state of mind, as it really is driving me crazy!
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male
reader, AnthonyPA  +, writes (15 May 2009):
I understand where you are comming from I think its just that we get caught up being in love with someone, that we are scared to let are guards down being that we are men and we want to seem all cool..I feel the same way as you I hope its just a phase and it will go away..Ive never felt like this in any relationship Im sure with prayer to the man above he will help out just have faith in you and you relationship take care
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): I've been with my girl for about 6 years now, and we plan to marry and have a house, children, dogs, u know the whole nine yards, but lately i feel insucure about our relationship. Sometime i feel that someone is just going to take her away from me. somtimes i feel like im not good enough for her. even after six years why do i feel this way. I love her and i dont want to lose her, but im just so insecuer about her and myself. I am scared of getting my heart broken and i have had a broken hart from her in the past, and i too her too. we have had problems with other people but weve worked things out in the end. but yet every few months i get this feeling back like shes cheating on me or shes losing interest in me. Maybe its because she donsent reassuer me enough? when im with her, at times i feel good actually most of the time i feel good when im around her, and mostly its wen were apart that i feel this stupid way. what can i do to make my insecurities go away? I spoke to her about this and she told me that shes getting tired of the fact that im still behaving like this after 6 years. and i think she is right, but its not helping me when she says that, it only makes it worse. I do feel bad and i tell myself to feel good about her and myself. Maybe i just need more excersice??? lol. She recenlty started going to the gym and i dont know why, but this insecurity has happend ever since she started going to the gym now that i think of it. Two monthes ago tho, everthing was perfect.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): Pretty glad i found this thread. i'm having the exact same situation. it's like she loves me and i love her as well. we both communicate pretty well too but it's just me that im worried for every single thing.
i will drive to find her at her workplace when she's about to knock off. she's the kind of girl with strict family committments and discipline and yet she tries means to sneak out in the nights to find me and sort. i appreciate all these doings.
whenever she's engaged with friends' activities, i'll feel lonely and at the same time i don't wish to seek for attention.
i wake every morning to be the first to call her before she calls me. i'll text her before she does. these make me feel that i'm the one who is always looking and available for her.
we did talk about these and she said maybe she's not good in assuring me. i'm afraid she thinks i'm strange now and probably she is feeling stressed by my yearning and seeking of assurances by now too.
can someone shred some lights that can enlighten my this silly mentality? =\
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): You are worried about getting your heart broken and are trying to prepare yourself in advance. This is not good as it means that you can't relax whenever she opens her mouth to say something as you worry that she is going to dump you. What you are going through at the moment is one of the best ways to tear a relationship apart so stop worrying and start enjoying the relationship. And also, whenever she talks don't think 'oh, she's going to dump me'.
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A
female
reader, confused3473 +, writes (30 March 2007):
 WOW Im totally the same as you
I worry and get so anxious I even went to the dooctors about it
Iv been quite good recently but My bfs going away for an week and its all coming back
It seems to me time has helped and iv become more secure with him but i think cirtain types of people are just this way inclined and although it gets better with time and security and you start to relax it is still there in the back of your mind
If you wanna try taking someting if you get really wound up I suggest Kalms (natural tablets from chemist)they take about 5 days to start working but make you feel much better and calmer
Send me a PM if you want someone to chat to about this
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (30 March 2007):
 Okay, first of all, instead of analysing the negative, analyse the POSITIVE! She's been with you for a few months, that's a good thing, there are obviously things about you that she loves or she wouldn't be with you! Sometimes others see things in us that we don't, she might love the way you smile, the way you look at her, the way you laugh, the way you make her feel when you're together. She might love how you dress, how you walk, how you seem so in control and how you love and protect her. There will be hundreds of reasons she likes you! YOU just can't see them from a guys point of view.
You could ask her jokingly "what do you see in me exactly?" and see what she says. She could have hang ups about herself too and wonder what you see in her! Always remember, we never see ourselves as others see us. Whatever you're doing when you're with her you're doing it right! Be proud of who you are! Be assertive and continue to enjoy being together. We are ALL unique beings and it seems to me she loves you very much so don't worry about this a second longer. See the positives in yourself and just continue to bond.
I wish you both all the best.
Eve
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (29 March 2007):
 I've got exactly the same problem with my new gf, and I don't know any good way around it. I'm lucky because I've been able to bring this out in the open and talk to her about it. That helped some. Oh, I'm even scare when she's WITH me. Scared that it will be the last time I'll see her. She's young and pretty and talented and frankly sometimes I'm not sure what she sees in me.
The way I cope with this is that every day I give thanks that I have been given one more day with her. We talk every day on the phone or in person (her job is very demanding and she has family obligations, so often we can't get together). I get reassurance from the way she talks to me and the things we talk about (plans for the weekend, etc.) that she's going to be with me at least for another day. Then the next day I give thanks again.
In time I hope that I'll get over being so scared of losing her. But for now it's just one day at a time and be grateful every day that she's still with me.
I wish I had a magic bullet for you, but I haven't found one for myself yet. For now, just trust your woman. That's all you can do. It's scary as hell, because you know she can hurt you badly, but unless you're willing to risk this, you can't win the big prize here.
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A
female
reader, chelychel +, writes (29 March 2007):
OMG, Im in the same situation. I have no idea what to do, but I know I cant stand the feeling anymore. Im deffinatly gonna talk to my boyfriend about it tomorrow. Maybe you should talk to your girlfriend too. Thats the only thing i've come up with.
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A
male
reader, thor +, writes (29 March 2007):
 have you been hurt bad in the past by other women. lost someone you realy love and blamed your self. these voices in your head are natural.it is that you are affraid to come out with these things in case you hurt your loved one. keeping things bottled up. i have been there my self. the easiest way i found to say these things was on msn to my ex but clammed up when i was with her. i'm sure she wont dump you, you just gotta learn to trust your self. all she wants is for you to open up to her. dont make my mistakes. if you speak to her yeah she might think your strange but will respect you in the end for opening up to her. it will clear your mind and get all this in the open, then you got nothing to worry about.
hope this helps mate
thor
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