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female
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anonymous
writes: I moved to another country 3 months ago for my boyfriend. Since my arrival, I keep expecting him to cheat on me. His best friend keeps telling me about his previous girlfriends and even makes jokes about him and the girl he works with. I have dreams about him cheating on me, and the nagging feeling inside won't go away. I trust him completely, and deep inside I know he wouldn't cheat, but I still cannot get rid of the suspicion! I even resorted to going through his email. (I'm not proud of admitting that). Can anybody help me understand why I feel this way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2006): Thanks for all your replies - it has given me a lot to think about. He really hasn't given me any reason whatsoever to suspect him, and I guess it's just a response to everything that has happened so fast (we haven't even known each other for a year). Take my word for it - he is the greatest guy alive. That's why I feel so bad suspecting him all the time - he doesn't deserve it. I am definitely going to change my frame of mind. I will not entertain these thoughts anymore, and from now on I will keep my side clean. (Or at least try to do all these things.)Thanks again guys, it's a relief being able to share this with people who won't just judge you and walk away. Ciao.
A
female
reader, jn +, writes (8 September 2006):
 The power of suggestibility is a strong one. You need to replace a negative thought with a positive one or soon it will take over your relationship. Also you should consider talking to the friend about his comments and tell him it's affecting you in a negative way. Change the subject when he starts rambling. With out trust you have nothing. Unless your boyfriend is going out to private dinners with his ex girlfriend, or not coming home at night you are probably safe. Moving to a new city is hard but moving to a different country WOW that has to be overwhelming, relax you are probably feeling all the insecurity's of starting a new life, if he loved you enough to have you move to be with him chances are you are safe! learn to just accept things at face value until you have been proven other wise. And don't snoop it makes you the bad-guy!
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A
female
reader, soletshearit +, writes (8 September 2006):
 Oh girl please take it from me that you need to trust your instincts! Has he ever cheated before or lied about having contact with another girl??? Has he ever betrayed you emotionally?
Listen trust what your body is trying to tell you...if its telling you to be suspicious then there's obviously a reason! I feel so sorry for you cause i've been there and its the worse feeling ever and really its not worth it...you may sort things out with him and that feeling may go away but trust me it will always come surfacing again.
Its definitely your insecurity that is making you feel this way and whatever has happened leading up to this that has ever made you doubt him.
If you really want it to work with this guy then you have to tell him how you feel, you have got to talk with him about these feelings and tell him how much they are eating you up inside and as a couple you both have to work on trust building with one another...
http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/trust_building/
Trust is the central pillar in all real relationships. Building trust in a relationship takes hard work and commitment. Trust requires that you listen to each other and communicate your needs. Trust requires honesty above all else.
Go talk to him, best of luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): I think you feel this way because you have made a huge sacrifice for your boyfriend by moving away with him, and in that respect you may feel dependent on him. But what you must remember is that you're obviously a strong person for leaving your life behind to start somewhere new. a person who is that strong can handle anything! You said that deep down you trust him, i think that is the most important thing. If you trust and love him you should give him the benefit of the doubt. He obviously loves you a lot to want to start a new life in a different country with you, so have a little faith in him! I think it's also important to talk it through with him, i'm sure he'll put any doubts to rest for you. The most important thing that you must remember is that if the worst happens and he does cheat on you, you are a strong enough person to walk away.
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