A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am sixteen years old and I have never had a boyfriend. I am not delusional. I know that I am not extraordinarily pretty. And I know that not everyone you fall for will feel the same way towards you. But, seriously, for me it's a repetitive cycle of disinterest. I always seem to fall for guys who don't want me. The last time I seriously tried to start a relationship, I ended up embarrassed and rejected. I am afraid of belittling myself and settling for someone I don't truly love in the future. I suppose there is not a specific question I am trying to have answered. I just need some advice.
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male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (15 May 2007):
Don't worry. At your age, this is normal... There will come a time soon when you'll probably have to beat the guys away from with a stick. If not in high school, then maybe in university.
Just don't ever degrade yourself for attention. That's not the kind of attention you want.
Be yourself, and the right guy for you will come along. If you try to be someone else, the right for the person you're pretending to be will show up instead... That would be somewhat ironic...
Focus on your school work. I know I always had the biggest crushes on the smartest girls. Guys who don't like smart girls aren't worth your time. Play a sport, if you don't already, get involved in things you're interested in. Giving the guys a chance to get to know you without the pressure of "dating" or "relationships" is a great way to get to know them in turn, and if you're a good person someone will come along who will see that and value that more than anything else, and in their eyes you'll be beautiful.
It sounds cliche, but it is true. But it doesn't hurt to take care of your body either. Good hygiene and an exercise regime are essential for good health, and taking care of your body is as important to good mental health and even strong academic performance in the long run. Just don't sacrifice the latter for the former.
A
female
reader, NJmomabear +, writes (14 May 2007):
 How did your father treat you? Was he a source of love and acceptance or was he always judging you and critisizing? Was he interested in you? These are the things in your lives that usually shape our future relationships with men and ironically what we are attracted to although we don't like it. What you find acceptable now is what you had no choice but to accept from your father at some point.
So sit down and really decide for yourself what kind of treatment you want. The kind of person who will treat you that way may infact not be what you want but its what you need. Its not belittling yourself, its being smart. Learn to love the ones that love you cause even the ones that do will be hard to be treated well with for along time unless they feel they don't deserve you. Otherwise you subject yourself to be mistreated, cheated on and used constantly by men. Guys are amazingly egotistical like that.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 I think this is all about your insecurity. You're so worried about being rejected, you subconsciously go for guys you know you won't get so you can sit in the bubble of pity and it just goes round and round again. You're so used to the feeling of rejection, you've become comfortable with it and the thought of succeeding at something, subconsciously, is scary to you.
You need to break this habit and get out there and get what you want. There are always going to be people we like who are better looking, or cleverer than us who will not be interested but if they're not interested, it's their loss. Find someone who appreciates you and loves you for who you are and you can't find that when you walk around looking for male models, coz I hate to say it, but they're usually the biggest idiots!
We've all been there, falling for guys who don't like us but don't get used by these men. Hold your head up and know it's their loss, just be yourself and find someone decent. I think you are in the habit of feeling rejected and are strangely happy in that world now: get out of there!
Good luck xxx
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (14 May 2007):
 Im affraid thats just the way it goes sometimes. Invariably we find that the ones we don't fancy like us, and the ones we really fancy alot don't feel the same way.
All i can say is you are still very young, go out have fun with your friends, enjoy being young, and i bet you will meet the guy of your dreams when you least expect it.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Straight Up +, writes (14 May 2007):
 it's always like that we all tend to fancy people who don't fancy us. try not to think about im telling you mr right always comes unexpectedly. focus on your self go out shopping with your friends buy something that makes you feel good. don't worry about boys you've got plenty of time your only 16 just makes sure your education comes first. good luck and if you do find someone don't forget to tell me
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