A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i need help here. i've been with this girl on and off for about 10 months now. i love her so much but it always feels like she sends me mixed messages. we both go to college together and now were both at home for the summer. the problem is that theres this guy who she used to be with who just walked away from her and broke her heart right before we got together. they had been friends for around seven years and were kinda together for about a year. now hes back in the picture and i don't know what to do. before whenever i asked about him she always said they were just friends and nothing more. but just today he wrote on her myspace wall "I MISS YOU!!" and she wrote on his "you have NO idea". it just strikes me as odd since she has hardly been talking to me lately and she hasn't once said she misses me.i just don't understand what she sees in him. he broke her heart, he smokes weed and does a lot of other drugs and hes been arrested for it. i used to smoke weed but quit the second she asked me to and i've never been arrested, i've never walked away from her and i've never broken her heart. (at least not that i'm aware of)i just don't know what to do to get her to want to be with me and not him. maybe i'm just overreacting but i just don't know. what should i do???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Cag Lee "Apollo" Adarma  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 Sup a Male,
first things first, do you drink Pilsner?
because in the words of Tom Hanks your being a 'big fat pussy'.
As soon as you 'want' a woman your cruising for it to end. NEVER want her dude. You could be married for 30 years and if you act like you 'want' for one day- expect papers from her lawyer. exxageration?..maybe
The fact is women love to be loved but LURRRVE not to be wanted. The like the drama of it, they like the idea of having to put in work or revise a situation, even if there is nothing to fix- it comes from years of playing house and doctor.
So if she wants to play games just sit on your hands and keep a poker face.
Secondly, Myspace is not a healthy point of reference for any relationship, don't use comments on Myspace to guage your relationship- thats just dumb.
Thirdly, even though i understand you may love her- she may not love you in the same way. I'm not telling you to be prepared for the worse but brace yourself. If nothing happens you breathe a sigh of relief.
ALTERNATIVELY to all this. You could talk to HER instead of coming on DearCupid to ask advise. Calmly ask her if she still has feelings for him, is that something that she feels she needs to do. If she says " no, seriously we're just friends" just drop it- don't even make a big deal out of it- change the subject and take her to Applebees.
PEACE and GOD BLESS brother
The Capt
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