A
male
age
41-50,
*orcerer
writes:Why am I one of those guys that women want to be friends with but nothing more? Of my ten closest friends, nine are female. They all say I would be a great catch. I have asked them, seriously, what I could do to make myself more appealing but they all say that I dress very well, am confident without being cocky, interesting, make people laugh and would be a wonderful, loving caring partner because I am genuinely interested in people and unselfish. I'm not stunningly fit or hot but they all say I am good looking with good eyes and smile. Yet women only ever want to be really good friends with me, nothing more, and date total morons. I'm fed up being an emotional crutch, the safe option for women as a friend. What the hell am I supposed to do??? I want someone to love me more than like a brother. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (1 February 2010):
 Mate what ever you do don't play the moron dumbass wanker bad boy. You will burn the bridges with your current girlfriends who will help you find more girls. Plus women have already figured that one out so just be more "mascline" ie don't where metrosexual clothes or look feminin/gay be a man. Start going to the gym and be more and blokey get into a sport and get fit and it will start from there ... I won't spell it out any clearer ... They will come to you.
A
male
reader, Sorcerer +, writes (1 February 2010):
Sorcerer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, thanks for all this. I've always had very close female friends because where I went to school it was a class of 22 and only 5 of us were blokes and three of them didn't live where I did, so it was inevitable I spent more time with girls and it's just sort of gone on that way. I do have good guy friends, but somehow, only one is as close.It's always a problem, I think, when you get to my age (35) because SO many people are married or happily coupled. I play badminton, sail and do other things and the vast majority of people my age aren't single. So it becomes difficult to meet new people. My first serious girlfriend was a friend long before we got together but she was killed in a car crash. Took a while to get over that obviously and my second girlfriend eventually was also someone I had previously been a good friend of, and most of my female friends I have met through hobbies weren't single when we met, it wasn't a question of my going after them at all, we just hit it off.My best female friend has recently become very touchy feely around me and occasionally in front of other people but insists she doesn't see me in any other light and loves me like a brother. She will regularly link arms, hold hands, put her head on my shoulder for ages and snuggle a little (we're 33 and 35 but seem to behave likes teens at times) and we have a really good laugh. Other people think she likes me, but she says not. I guess that doesn't help with the whole 'not being seen as a friend' thing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): The best way to fix, this is dont be too mature act kinda like a teen every so often and touch her somewhere were it tells her i dont just want to be put into the friend zone right away, for example, tha lower back, if a guy touches a girl on the lower back, he is telling her he doesnt want to be just friends, when a guy friend touches a girls back it is usually the middle or upper part, oh and flirt with her but do it softly in her ear (thats for more intimate flirting), if your at bar lets say, and you are trying to flirt with her , make sure you keep her attention at all times cause she might just react to a smooth line or cheesy one that is why you need to mix them together, and dont be afraid to point out if it is cheesy or not afterwards. To keep attention constantly touch her thigh (preferably close to the knee) or the back of her arm, and too avoid the creepy touchy guy profile you can raise your voice just a bit after you touch her leg or arm, the next time she looks away. Also be able to keep a good conversation, No one likes anybody that has a three word vocabulary. And if you want to get with one of your closer friends, just try some of this, but i would dial it up a bit, cause it is kinda hard to get out of the friend zone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): You think too much and don't just go for something. You probably do not often think to yourself: I'm the guy and I'm goin' for it NOW. 'Morons' (those that don't think that much), just go for it with little hesitation. They are guided by their d*cks more than their brains. You want some chick to tell you that you are the one and you're special so that you know it's truly kosher to make a move. Guess what? Not too many girls are going to do that. You get to be the lucky one who makes a first move (without having concrete proof you should do so) when you are interested. You just have to take that risk before a girl thinks you're not interested in her, and are there soley for friendship and emotional support. Girls don't like to be rejected, but when you take too long to act on your desire, they do feel rejected and to compensate for that bad feeling, they will tell themselves you just wanted to be their friend all along, and nothing else. And they will tell themselves that they want to be your friend, and nothing else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): Everything q1605 wrote---that's probably the key to the answer to your question.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (31 January 2010):
OK, you sound like you have plenty of friends, first don';t add to the collection, find women that you can date, and if it's moving towards friendship cut it off and keep moving on... sounds like you're a NICE person, and that may be (sadly) doing you in... Some women are not attracted to nice, they're attracted to dangerous, or bad boy...Have you chick freinds hook you up... have one or more of them go be a 'wing man' for you- that approach seems to work wonderfully for single guys who are lucky enough to have great single girl freinds...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): Why have you got more women friends then men friends?? Maybe hanging around women is making you more soft, find some more men friends!! Just be yourself don't change in the hope that you will meet someone. I think that you just haven't found the 'ONE' yet, eventually you will usually when you aren't looking some day she'll be there and you will both know it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): You need to flirt more and make it a little bit more obvious that you want more from a woman than just friendship and do it sooner.
As others have said, being assertive is the key, that's what women like about morons, they don't beat around the bush and that's exciting for women. Most women will tell you what they really want is a loving, caring guy that's nice to them but also has an exciting personality. Girl's like the excitement that assholes bring and they like the challenge of thinking they can change them.
The reason for this is because the morons go for it, they're the ones that try and don't stop trying, you might have noticed your female friends talk badly about some arrogant creep only to see them later mauling him.
Most women treat their male friends and boyfriends differently, you've probably heard the "I don't think it would be a good idea, because i don't want to hurt you, you're too good a friend..." lines a few times. Well they're true, girl's like to have safe, stable guyfriends and exciting asshole boyfriends that they won't feel too bad about playing games with and hurting.
A lot of the girls here will disagree with me on this but it's time to try being an arrogant idiot (only when out on the pull of course), there's a fine line between that and being the assertive nice guy but women can't tell the difference when they've been drinking and usually still go for the asshole anyway.
FYI: You can't trust anything your female friends say about you, they will always try and be nice to boost your confidence. You're a good catch, but apparently not good enough a catch for them, if you know what I mean.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (31 January 2010):
Women like a man that is physically appealing in the sporty sence add that to the mix of who you are and you'll have no problem. they will come to you.
Don't worry about: bad boy/mr etiquette and seduction (nice guy) iys actually all marketing just so you buy all these clothes and stuff. just be yourself.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (31 January 2010):
 Women like a challenge. Maybe you are making it too easy for them by listening endlessly to their problems and giving them advice on their boyfriends. Instead of approaching a woman in this way, call the shots first. Ask them out for coffee or a drink, and by all means talk about yourself a little bit. There has to be balance or they'll see you as just another friend to talk to.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (31 January 2010):
I think Katyayni has a good point.
At what point do you tend to make a move on the women you like?
We don't want you to try and get into our pants on the first date but holding hands, and a kiss will show your intentions.
You do NOT want to get us to think of you as a friend, you want us to view you as a boyfriend. They are always 2 different things.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 January 2010):
 Women fell for morons because secretly we want to get laid so bad but are afraid to be called sluts so we hang out with morons, then end it off as an escape plan. When you date women, make sure they know you want to sleep with them. Hint it subtlely, then back off, talk about something else. Women appreciate the bravery and the honesty that men want them sexually. There is a fine line between an assertive man with strong needs and a cheater player type.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): You say about women going for the morons, but lets face it, it never lasts long. Them men treat the women like crap and in the end they all want 'The Good Guy' This is going to sound controversial but you say you have 9 female best friends. I don't see the problem with that whatsoever but maybe women find that sightly intimidating. It could be a matter of them looking but they're unable to have. There's someone out there for everyone just keep smiling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): Sounds like you've got amazing qualities :) just wait patiently and love will come when you won't expect it ;)
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A
female
reader, Unknown0311 +, writes (31 January 2010):
I think you just need to be more assertive. Go out with your friends, go to a bar/coffee shop/whatever you choose and find a girl that you fancy and walk up and introduce yourself. You're not approaching her to make a new friend, you want to ask her out. So be a little more assertive for what you want your intentions to be. Chat her up, find out if she's single, get her number and ask her to dinner. Good luck!
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