A
female
age
26-29,
*andyCurves
writes:I am 14 years of age and I'v only had 2 proper intimiate relationships. Everytime I get intimate with someone, you would think that would bring me closer to that person but somehow we drift apart. I know it's somthing to do with my extreme shyness, I dont know how to deal with the akwardness. I feel really insecure and paranoid. I intend to ignore the guy I really like( I dont know why I do this)to get me through the akward "moment". I'm scared to even look him in the eye. I also find it hard to approach him and since I dont send out any signals.He doesnt approach me.This would go on for a while untill we just dont talk( I know ,it sounds Pathetic!!)I dont think I'm frigid because before I realise Im deeply in love with this person, Im completly fine and confident. Its just everytime after we get personal. its like my body is fighting against my mind!I send out "stay away from me" signals and its killing me!PLEASE HELP!!! Can anyone tell me whats wrong with me and how can I overcome this? P.S Has anyone ever eperienecd this?
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frigid, insecure, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (14 November 2009):
 I am SO glad that intimate doesnt mean sex, and I am glad you know that you are not ready for sex. HOWEVER - Penetration is just one form of sex, intimate touching, blowjobs, fingering and foreplay are SEX. Vaginal, anal, oral penetration are sex. Please remember this, as ALL SEX is ILLEGAL before you are 16. Your partner could be prosecuted for rape, as you cannot consent to ANY type of sexual activity.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/switch/surgery/advice/sex_relationships/sex/age_of_consent/
"The main purpose of my question is why do I respond to the opposite sex this way. My friends seem to keep a great relationships between their partners but I cant even keep friendships between guys. My body just sends off "Im not interested" signals."
The whole point is, at 14, you are not ready to have a boyfriend, partner or anything else. Why do you feel you need a boy in your life anyway? Because your friends do? Because you dont want to be uncool?
Your body is trying to tell you that you just need to focus on you, and that means being single and not being attached!
You are trying to grow up way too soon. Your head is being led by peer pressure, and I can understand you see your friends "being bf & gf", BUT I still say at 14, you do not know what a true relationship is all about. These girls are just playing at being adults. They think they are grown up because they have boyfriends, but they are not. In 5 years time, you will look back and realise that you were better off for not following the pack and acting like a lemming.
Take the time to get to know you! You are the most important person here, not your friends, not boys, YOU. At 14, you are just beginning to turn from a child into a young woman. Now is the time to start forming your own opinions, your own style, your own way of thinking. Find who you are as an inidividual, not as a clone. Become independant and strong! You dont need a man to make you complete! Listen to your body - nature knows best, and at the moment its telling you to get on with your development.
IF you really like this boy, then get to know him. Be FRIENDS. This means no sexual touching or kissing. Save that for when you are in a relationship, once you know who you are. Find your own identity :)
PM me if you want to talk
Tiger.
A
female
reader, CandyCurves +, writes (14 November 2009):
CandyCurves is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey, thanks for the advice its opened my eyes to a totally new perspective. I just wanted to state :Im still a virgin-I actually believe in sex after marriage.I have a lot of respect for my body. When I say intimate- Im talking more about foreplay then full blown sex. I know I'm definetly NOT ready for that. The main purpose of my question is why do I respond to the opposite sex this way. My friends seem to keep a great relationships between their partners but I cant even keep friendships between guys. My body just sends off "Im not interested" signals.The guy I like I've known him for about 2 years,we always liked eachother but our relationship was always secretive. Not long ago, we spent a whole day together. It was amazing (and no, I didnt do anything stupid - I didnt even kiss him. Just got to know him). We decided we wanted to make this last. But things got abit complicated over the summer. When I get back to school instead of approaching him. I completly ignored him.I dont know why- maybe because no one knows what going on between and maybe I want to keep it that way. I didnt even say hi. This is not the first time I've done this.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (14 November 2009):
Dear Poster
It is obvious from your question that you are not ready for any intimate relationship, let alone already having had two!!!!!
Just to remind you, that sex is ILLEGAL in the UK, if you are under the age of 16. Just bear that in mind when you are next worrying about being frigid. The majority of girls are NOT having sex at your age, so it is ok, if you are not in a sexual relationship right now. In fact, this is the best thing for you.
Your body is telling you, through the feelings, emotions and reactions that you are NOT READY for this. Listen to it. There is plenty of time in the future for sex and boys. You have a whole lifetime to experiement and learn.
You say that being intimate doesnt bring you closer - well that is because you gave them what they wanted. Sex. The dont want relationships. Any boy who wants to have sex with you at this age, doesnt love you, they just want sex. They do not have feelings or emotions for you, they just want to get their rocks off. This is a harsh but true. IF they have deeper feelings for you, they will wait until you are of LEGAL age (16 in the UK).
I hate to think the age you were when you first had an "intimate" relationship, but you need to get control of yourself. Having sex will not make you into an adult, it will not bring you happiness, and it may well cause you problems later on. Boys will not treat you with a lot of respect if you are easy to get into bed.
Please Please Please have a bit more respect for YOU. You are in the stage of your life, where you are not a child, but still not a woman. (I know you think you are mature and grown up, but in 10 yrs time, you will realise how little you knew). Learn about yourself, who you are, what you want, and who you are as a person, and an individual.
There is nothing wrong with you, you just need to listen to what your body is telling you. Which at the moment is, "I dont need sex - stay away from boys". Listen to it. You will only cause yourself pain, hurt and emotional turmoil otherwise.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (14 November 2009):
 I agree with 'anon'. This is mostly just part of being young, being 14 and exploring both yourself, and relationships. I don't think you're frigid at ALL!! And always listen to your body, sometimes it knows better than your mind. Both parts of you are talking to you all the time, so listen to them both.
At 14, I was definitely like this. And whenever I'd have a relationship, it wouldn't last horribly long. But, that's the story of being 14 - you're exploring relationships and knowing what you do and don't like and recognizing yourself and getting to know what you're like in a relationship. Maybe you send out "stay away from me" signals because you're not ready for a total serious relationship, or because these guys simply aren't good enough for you (or right for you).
If you create yourself into a solid person and you decide to be picky (no shame in being picky, pickiness pays off in the end.), that will make your future relationships that much better!!
Good luck, sweetness, and let me just add in - you're completely normal and worthy of these guys wayyyy more than your average date-around-14-year-old.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): When you say intimate, do you mean you are having sex? Guys will complicate your life and muck up your mind, even when you are older..so try to enjoy being a kid, think about building a good future for yourself and don't worry about the rest. Plus, having a sexual relationship too early on can mess up your life in many ways...having children to soon, getting an STD, or even getting an unwanted reputation. Find yourself an after school activity that you enjoy, it will keep you busy and foster friendships that last a lifetime.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): It's called being 14 years old!
Sorry kid, you're just getting started figuring out your OWN life it's a little early to be worrying about the quality of your "intimate relationships"...
Learn to know/be happy with yourself first, then you can worry about all the relationship stuff!
One step at a time, dear, one step at a time...
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