A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey. I need some advice. I am 18 and nearing the end of my first year of college. I am very independent and am not looking for a relationship. I just want to have fun and not be tied down. I figure now is the time to get the party girl out of my system! Anyway, this weekend I had sex with a guy I met at a party a few weeks ago. To me, it was just a little bit of fun to satisfy a need. The next day he keeps texting me and called me. I did not respond. He is not the type of guy I would date, and I don't want to date anyone anyway. He texted me again yesterday. I was hoping not responding would give him the hint. I always thought girls were the ones to get clingy after sex. But he is the one who is clingy. This seems to happen to me alot. What gives?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): He probably wants to have sex again. That's why he keeps texting you. You shouldn't pigeon-hole and stereotype genders. Yeah some women are clingy no more or no less than some men are clingy. People are people. Everybody is different. I understand if it was a one night stand that perhaps one of you or both of you might leave it at that. Or if you went out a couple times, didn't have sex, and just fizzled out and stopped communicating. But you guys have obviously been talking for two weeks. Two weeks is a big enough amount of time to establish the beginning of a friendship at least. And that led up to having sex. And the guy is just trying to get in touch with you. Seems pretty harmless and not at all out of the ordinary. Alot of guys and girls are friends with benefits. They do their own thing and occasionally hook up with each other. Maybe that is all he wants. If you want to be free and have fun, nothing wrong with that. If you suspect this guy wants more than that just let him know how you feel so that he doesn't get the wrong idea.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): Without knowing the content of the text messages, it's hard to know why he's texting you. It's possible he's just looking to hook up again. Just respond and let him know you only want no strings attached sex and see how he responds. If a guy is looking for a serious relationship, letting him know that you're into no strings attached sex will cause him to lose all interest in you instantly. No guy wants a relationship with a woman like that. But, if he wants no strings attached sex, I'm sure he'll let you know.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Oh come on, I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the men that sleep women and don't have the balls to tell them beforehand that this is nothing but a hook-up..or even a courtesy phone call! Often it's guys leaving the girls lingering. (NOTE: I'm not talking all guys) Common sense should tell the girl on day 2 of no phone calls/texts that it was nothing but a piece of ass.
OP, you treat others how you want to be treated. If you don't want to be mislead, used for sex, and tossed aside then don't do it to the opposite sex.
Give guys the common courtesy they don't give women, explain before hand this is nothing but a hook-up. That way you avoid the rare clingy ones.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 You wanted fun and this one particular guy wanted more. By not responding to him you're taking the cowards way out and while its not encouraging him to keep calling you, its not exactly discouraging him either... might just be making you seem more mysterious & enticing for all you know. Just set him straight, say you just wanted one night of fun and nothing more then move on.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Oh boy... someone put this post in a time capsule, then mail it to this girl so she gets it a decade later. Wanna bet she has changed her tune by then?
If not, send this guys details to all the girls posting about guys only wanting sex and never calling afterwards.
Seems you are dating the wrong kind of guy. How, unusual...
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (13 April 2011):
I'm not going to be judgmental here, but simply respond to your question. Typically, it's difficult for men to find sex, so when they finally manage to do so without too much trouble (this seemed to be a straight hookup- he got lucky)they often want to ensure the supply can be regular, and the supplier be within easy reach. Thus the phone calls and texts.
I imagine if this fellow was presentable enough to be seen in public with, or had been better in bed, you'd still want to keep in touch. The paradox is that sex is hard to find for a man, but generally very easy to enjoy. For one thing, he'll almost invariably climax very easily. The opposite is true for a woman.
What I suggest you do if you want no-strings sex is to go out with older, more sophisticated men in their late 20s-early to mid 30s (I assure you they are neither dead, impotent, or senile) for whom sex is no longer a novelty and the acquisition thereof is less of a big thing. They'll be more experienced in bed, less clingy, and will enjoy the fact that sex is still a relative novelty for you. Your best choice is to find someone who is now working in the same field as your degree course (Always stick to professional men- declare yourself a peasant-free zone). You can thus get a good perspective on life in general, not to mention learning a fair bit about finer restaurants, more upmarket accommodation (no more throwing the roomate out so you can do the nasty)and enjoying a less hand-to-mouth existance compared with student life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): Okay so you think a guy who has the decency to call you after sleeping with you is clingy and you think the best way to let a guy know you're not interested is to ignore him. You have a lot to learn about class.
Good luck with that OP, people treat us like we treat them. Pretty soon you're going to have list of unhappy guys talking about you behind your back and you will become known as 1. a girl that's only good for an easy lay (a slut) and 2. a girl that doesn't have the decency to let a guy know where he stands (a bitch).
So yeah get the party girl out of your system now and then when you're ready for something serious enjoy trying to get a good guy who's not only after sex with the kind of reputation you will have.
This is going to sneak up on you and bite you on the ass one day. You see guys have no problem with girls that just want things casual, as long as they tell us that and as long as they have the decency to let us know you're only interested in sex. But what you want to do is use guys and treat them like crap, you'll be known as a tease and that's the nicest possible word for what guys will call you.
Have some respect for these guys or after your party girl days are over you'll find it very difficult to find any guy that thinks of you as anything more than a piece of meat.
Reputations form quickly and they last a life time. We guys talk and we listen to other guys, when we hear a girl is the way you are, then we see a worthless woman only good for an easy lay because she uses guys and treats them with disdain. You see if you want to be promiscuous and sleep around go for it, but you should have respect for the guys you sleep with and enough consideration to let them know that's it's only about sex. Guys will be perfectly happy to play along and they won't have any reason to bad mouth you. You seriously don't want to know what it's like to be a 30 year old single woman that has reputation like yours will be. It's a lonely life for them and the thing is their own behaviour has trapped them into that party girl lifestyle because no guy wants to be a with a girl who shows so little respect.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 In my opinion, dropping hints is always a bad idea. Speaking your mind is the right thing to do. Hints are based based on the assumption that you won't have to say things upfront for people to "get it". That is just not so. I'm afraid that hints are dropped in the hope that the person dropping them won't have to tell an uncomfortable truth. That is, they are not dropped out of being polite, and they do not mean the other party is dumb; they are dropped because the person doesn't want to speak his or her mind.
In your particular case, you are assuming too much. First, you're assuming that he wants to date you. Maybe all he wants is sex. But even if he wanted to date you, you're assuming that the guy has to understand that you didn't text back or call because you are not interested in him. Would it be impossible for him to assume you're busy?
You also want him to interpret your silence as meaning that you wouldn't date him, and you are not interested in dating anyways. Well, you slept with him. Why shouldn't he take that as a sign of interest?
In my opinion, if you just want to have fun and not be tied down, you should say that up front. That way there will be no misunderstandings.
From your post, it seems this situation has happened more than once. I think this is proof that the way you have handled this so far just doesn't work.
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