A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey all. Im in a LDr relationship with my gf. and we both love each other. theres no doubt about that. weve been going for a year and a bit, and weve had a couple of rocky patches. lately ive been thinking about these rocky patches and I wonder if some of the "things" i did are as bad as she has made them out to be. 1. i went on holiday with my mates. during that period, she messaged me saying she wanted to go on a break, but then things got confused and i thought she had ended it completely. in turn i was distraught. i was on holiday with my mates, and one thing led to another, i ended up getting a hooker ( just a bj) to make myself feel better. it didnt. it made me feel awful. when i got home i told her and she was heartbroken. a massive fight insued but we patched things up and got back together. I can understand how much I hurt her and i regret it to this day. a month goes by and things dont work out. I broke up with her, we sorted things out and tried again. then she broke up with me two weeks later for the same reasons. two weeks later. she realised she had made a mistake and told me how much she loved me and regrets what she did. we ended up sorting things out. during the period where she had broken up with me and us getting back together i felt awful, and i gave it a week. after no contact, i started talking to this girl on the internet, and we ended up talking dirty bla bla. i thought nothing of it. 5 months after we got back together, she found out about this girl and was livid. did i do anything wrong by talking to this girl while we were broken up? because in my defence we werent together. and i truly thought it was at an end. so i dont know why she thinks she had the obligation to make me feel bad about it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): if i had a coin for every time my hb and i had a fight and said we wanted out..........
listen buddy, saying i want out, is not breaking up.
realise emotions are involved. feelings are hurt.
yes she is distraught that every time you both fight and break up, you seek comfort with another woman, hooker included. it means that you are emotionally shallow........
Relationships are tough ......so decide , either work it out or just break up for good. and while you both are deciding stop getting involved with other women.
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): Come on. You used a hooker. Why do you think she would be upset?
You got over her by using a hooker. What does that make her feel like?
You got over her by looking for anyone right after the break?
Now, don't shit all over yourself. Clearly you just don't get it.
First off, she is needing reassurance that she is important, she pushes you away "break", and you REALLY break away, she wants you to come back and give her time.
She's got a lot going on, and you don't seem inclined to wait for her to get through any of it. Her problem is rather complex, and you are not very reassuring, quite the opposite. In fact, you made her feel like any random stranger or a hooker can replace her.
I agree with YouWish below. You are not good for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): You're so bogged down on the little details that you're completely missing the bigger picture. No matter how hard you try, no matter what you do this relationship is just not going to work. The only thing keeping you both stuck to each other is love and that's never been a good reason for anything.
Relationships have to be practical, they have to make sense yours doesn't, not even to you.
In response to your little details, the hooker thing would be a deal breaker for me. A break means you stay faithful and wait, you try to fix the relationship not go off with another girl. Plus you've given her ammunition for your fights which seem to be endless. Talking to this other girl is just another example of that. You see your girl wants you to only be hers and to always fight for her but when things get tough you look for comfort in other women. Not only is she not going to let this go but she's not going to let you go to get on with your life either.
This relationship has no future on/off relationships never do. you need to end this and end it soon. Other than love ask yourself why you are continuing with this, why do you keep getting caught up in this mess. If you can't think of any other reason than love then you need to go. I can think of a million reasons why I'm with my girl and a million reasons why we won't break up but it always comes back to practicality. My relationship is practical we fit perfectly into each others lives and we don't solve conflict by running away and/or breaking up.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Well, legally speaking, you're right. If the two of you had broken up, then it wasn't cheating. You were free from the obligation of being faithful to her.
However, I can understand why she got upset with you. Women like to know whether or not men are really into them. The issue here is the timing. You ran to a hooker to get a BJ *right* after you broke up, and only a week after another breakup, you ran to some internet girl for sexual dirty talk.
This shows the message that your feelings for your girlfriend are disposable, and that it didn't bother you to break up with her. It probably made her feel like she didn't matter when you were together, and that you were really waiting for her to be gone all along.
Like Daniel said - I agree that the two of you should call it quits for good. You are both breaking up with each other over and over, it's a LDR to begin with, which are really notorious for its dangers.
But even more important, you come across as someone who shouldn't be in a relationship right now if you're running towards going to hookers and dirty talking random women right off the bat. What would happen if you got married and had a fight? Would you cheat on your wife? Would you go online and jerk off to a webcam? If sex is your medication and ego salve, maybe you should stay on the single market for a little while longer.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): that is not helpful. and its not what i asked.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 I think you two should just break up. I am afraid that eventually you will. The long distance relationship isn't working.
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