A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 4 yrs and I just broke up (I broke with him). I had my reasons...1) signs he was cheating 2) always hiding his phone 3)the PAST 4) my gut feeling. Anyways, I spent the night with him last night and for once he left his phone out (unlocked) so yes..I snooped. I found a lot of pics from girls (showing their a**), read texts msgs (that were flirty, inappropriate since he was with me and in a relationship), and also a girl telling him to buy condoms. I woke him out of his sleep..tears rolling down my face...and asked WHY? The thing is, before this happened, I felt like we were in the perfect relationship--i felt so secure.I said, "Are you doing this because you think I'm cheating on you?" He said yes and came off as if he really didn't care if we broke up. Truth be told, i was 100% faithful--this is why I'm so hurt and upset right now.My question is: do guys cheat (sometimes) because they are insecure in a relationship and feel like "Well she's PROBABLY cheating on me, so I'll cheat on her."Money isn't everything..I do have my own car (he doesn't have a car) I did grad from college with a bachelor's (he didn't go to school after high school), I have a good paying job (he doesn't). Ever since I graduated from college I felt like he was jealous --never talked about my degree or accomplishments because of the jealousy... Therefore, I broke up with him last night and I feel like I'm going crazy :( please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@everyone...thanks for all of the feedback, i really appreicate it! Each one of you are right and yes I was blind and ignored the red flags. Idk how I could be so STUPID! *sigh* I just dont feel like starting over with anyone else lol I guess I need to take time for me and get myself together FIRST before I can even think about getting into another relationship! Thanks agian all Love u guys!
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 I agree that you should not get back together with him. You can find a much better guy. I have been told by people that I hang out with that I am overly positive so my reasoning behind cheating isn't so harsh but I think it really put cheating into perspective for some people.
The reason people cheat is that they do not want to lose what they have in the current relationship but there is something missing in that relationship that they seek else where, whether that be emotional or physical.
Now I am not saying that people can't cheat just to be horrible people but most often I think that the cheating follows my reasoning. This being said you still shouldn't try to work on things with him or think that it was something you did.
Whether you get dumped or do the breaking up you will still feel down for a while (usually less if you do the breaking up) because either way it is like a piece of you is missing. It takes time for that hole to heal up and be ready to accept someone else into your life.
It does suck and I am sorry that this happened to you but you are a strong girl with a good life and there will be plenty of other guys.
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A
female
reader, Amdz +, writes (28 March 2011):
 You are likely going to feel awful for a while. No matter how bad a relationship actually is, break ups are hard! Our hearts and our brains are not always on the same page. It definitely sounds like you did the right thing for yourself in the long run. Someone like your ex is not worthwhile sticking around with and you will be so much more at peace far away from him. Find someone that is not jealous and that would be loyal. A relationship with a liar and a cheater will only lead to heartbreak and a ton of other bad feelings. I wish you luck and strength to stay away from the poisoinous relationship with your ex! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): Lots of reason but all excuses, however you did deceive yourself that you were in a perfect relationship...Deep down you know it wasnt..You chose to ignore the signs...Really look back and if you are honest you will know the relationship wasnt perfect even if you did not fight a lot....When you trully face the truth and learn the lessons from this you will be more careful choosing a new partner....Be honest take a look back ....I really never believe people saw any indication of a cheating partner...The truth is that they did but choose to make excuses or explained away their partners behaviour cos of rose coloured glasses thereby ignoring red flags
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): Where's the champagne!? Sweetie, this is god/the universe/Oprah/whatever looking out for you! Seriously! You couldn't see it yourself so that's why this is a rude awakening. Let me spell it out for you: THE GUY IS ONE BIG FAT TURD. YOU ARE THE LUCKIEST WOMAN ALIVE. GOD ETC. ARE TELLING YOU THAT YOUR STANDARDS ARE TOO LOW AND SHITTY AND THAT YOU - YES, YOU! - ARE 10000000 TIMES BETTER AND DO NOT DESERVE THIS NONSENSE.
Seriously, I don't even know you, but I'm so happy for you - another woman who learns (the hard way, sorry) that the guy she's dating is a loser. Dump him and celebrate!!!!! Seriously! This is ONLY good. :D
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (27 March 2011):
 dont get back with him.
ur so much better than him
hes cheating cuz a) hes stupid and cant appreciate what he has! b) insecure cuz ur so much better than him (in his eyes) hence he wanna feel like a man and does so by cheating on u.
get urself a WINNER.
this one's a LOSER.
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