A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I recently kissed/made out/cuddled for the first time. He always asked what made me uncomfortable, and stopped when he sensed I didn't like it. When I asked him later if that bothered him, he said no, we were both inexperienced with things.We are LDR, and he had to go after a few weeks. He said when he comes back, we should go on a vacation together. I agreed, but now I am realizing he might be hoping we will have sex then?I see myself as being too immature to handle that. He is my first boyfriend. I'm also religious, while he is not.Is there a way I can mention this to him so he knows where I stand? Was the kissing and making out leading him on? I realize for many guys, no sex till marriage is a huge turn off from a girl, and in that case I would understand if he decided we wont work out. However, he has stated he respects my beliefs and wants long term committment. Sex though, has never been discussed. I'm not sure how one talks about boundaries, as I am new to all of this. And it seems awkward to bring up suddenly. Advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): I've been in an almost identical situation to you. I think the important thing here is to have a clear idea of what your boundaries are, and stick to them. If you're vague about it, there's every chance you'll get carried away in the heat of the moment and go through with something which you could end up regretting later. Although there are a few things which I've always been adamant I'd never do, regarding losing my virginity I was never entirely sure where I stood. When I was younger I had a vague plan to wait until I was married but there was never any real conviction behind my choice, so after meeting my boyfriend I inevitably changed my mind.
It can be a bit awkward at first to talk about matters of intimacy - it is for everyone - but all you have to do is approach it as you would any other topic of conversation. Bring it up when you're both relaxed and keep it light and casual. A simple "hey, we've never talked about sex and stuff!" with a smile is a good icebreaker, and I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem with following your lead; chances are he's trying to think of a way to broach the subject himself. Once you've clarified your views on the matter, you can enjoy kissing and making out etc. without having to worry that he'll be hoping for more. I hope it all works out for you :) Good luck and take care x
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