A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey i was wondering why do not all, but alot of older people think that teenagers dont know what true love is? and that it wont work out in the end? Because my boyfriend asked me to marry him, I said yes. I am 17 and my boyfriend is about 7 months older then me. Im in my last year of high school and we have been dateing sence the beginning of 9th grade and he was my best friend 2 years before that. We have never been in any big fights and we get along very well. His family is like a family to me to and vice versa. I love him with all my heart sence i can remaber. So why when i tell some people about this, they think its a big deal? I just dont like hearing negative stuff about this when its a time to celebrate two young people in love who want to spend there life togather. We desided where were going to live, What jobs/colleges we will attend also we want to have a baby at 19. We discussed every thing and know each other inside and out. So if you have any input on this thanks so much.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Because a lot of the time the teenager is either experiencing a crush and confusing it for love or has just started dating a guy for the first time and is experiencing infatuation. What you have doesn't sound like typical teenagers unable to differentiate. I do think 17 is a bit young to be deciding to get married since EVERYTHING changes in a major way after high school, but I don't disagree that you're in love. I just think things change and people fall out of love and the end of high school is one of the biggest changes of a person's life. It sounds like you two have something special and I hope everything works out for you!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 School life is like a cocoon world where you are provided fully and protected from the harsh realities of the real world.
The real world is outside when you start to work for a living and when you have to face everything on your own.
You can dream and fantasize about your love and marriage at your age .But after 2 or 3 years down the marriage road or after the honeymoon period is over , you may not feel the same about your dreams anymore.
The attrictions of life will wear you down and the unending chores will make you see that love and marriage is not a bed of roses.
This is the time when you have gone through the baptism of fire ,do you really know what true love is?
You may think that at your age, you have seen all that is in the world but you are only taking the first step and you still have a long journey to make.
True love is not about plannings. No matter how good your plan is, life may not turn out the way you planned.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): If you've never seen a tree before, then how do you know when you are seeing a big one? Anything larger than a bush looks like a "big tree" to you. You aren't really qualified to decide whether a tree in front of you is a big one or a small one. This is like when teenagers in their first relationship swear they're in love. A few years later they are usually saying "I thought I was in love at the time. I didn't know what love really was then." As teenagers they have nothing to compare it to. Pretty much anything more serious than what they had in junior high might feel like "true love" to them. Real love also takes time. Lots of people who are in love might have been a couple right away after they meet, but they still did not have REAL love that fast. Real love just can't happen like that, it is not the nature of it. It takes a few years to form. A lot of teenagers who claim to be in love have not even been in the relationship long enough for it. There are exceptions to most things. But teens are usually wrong about what they think is real love. Usually.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 There's always going to be exceptions, but a lot of older people think teenagers don't know what true love is... because they don't. You sound very lucky and I hope it all works out for you :) For me personally, I was convinced I loved my girlfriend in high school SOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOoooo much!!! xoxoxo yours forever & ever etc... I didn't end up marrying my high school sweetheart and looking back now at how clueless I was about love is a constant source of amusement for myself :)
Best of luck for the future!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (20 May 2010):
I had all that planned out with my very serious boyfriend at 17 too.
At 26, I am married... but not to him.
No one is saying that it won't work out with you 2. But 99.999999999 of us felt exactly the same way you do now about someone at 17.... and 99.9999999999% of us went on to feel something so so so much greater about someone else.
Basically, unless you have something to compare it to, you'll never know if you have first love or true love.
Glad to hear you are planning to be successful and go to Uni and have a career before bringing a child into the world. Most of the teens we get on here posting stuff like this are planning to get married and start a family before they are even legally old enough to buy a beer.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, shnookims  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Agreeing 100% with TimmD. Also, do you not see some of the teenage relationships of nowadays? Now yours may be different but all the ones I've been seeing don't seem based on love but more of an obsession with the idea of love and an obsession with owning the other person. There doesn't seem to be any level of maturity withing them. These things can only be seen when you've experienced it and learned form your mistakes. I'm only just 21, pregnant with second child and engaged to be married next year. On a personal note, do you guys want to have a baby or be raise a child? Becasue there's a big difference between having a child because you think they're cute and actually wanting to raise a child. Congrads on your engagement and good luck in your future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): We've lived it and seen it before, experienced these things ourselves.
The thing is it's not that we don't think teenagers don't know what true love is, it's that we know that your definition and experience of true love will change as you grow older, like it did for the rest of us.
You have to understand that we 'older' people will always be suspicious of things teenagers say they know, becuase we know from our experiences that we knew very little about the world or who we were as people when we were ourselves teenagers.
It's not meant to be disrespectful towards younger people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): Hello,
I believe that in order to truly know what you want in life you have to experience life. I'm not suggesting this won't work out because trust me there's no guarantees in life at any age you get married. People change, and sometimes grow apart instead of growing together.
Its vital to stay in school get you education, a good career.
Having a baby should happen when your 100% ready. Your relationship needs to be solid as having a child is a huge responsibilty for you both.
Good luck
And congrats
;D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): We've lived it and seen it before, experienced these things ourselves.
The thing is it's not that we don't think teenagers don't know what true love is, it's that we know that your definition and experience of true love will change as you grow older, like it did for the rest of us.
You have to understand that we 'older' people will always be suspicious of things teenagers say they know, becuase we know from our experiences that we knew very little about the world or who we were as people when we were ourselves teenagers.
It's not meant to be disrespectful towards younger people.
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A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Even though I'm 22, I pride myself on not quite being "grown up" yet. :P
From what you describe, the two of you seem pretty solid in your relationship, and it's good that you're putting a plan in place. Perhaps what you need to do to prove that you're ready (if that's what you want to do) is just have a long engagement. Go through college engaged. Go to the same one if possible. I don't endorse living together before you're married, but spend as much time together as possible.
I just stress this: TAKE YOUR TIME. There's no rush, because really, you ARE young. Take your time with this decision, because there's plenty of time to make up your minds.
masq
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2010):
 What TimmD said. He pretty much wrote what I was going to say. Dagnabbit.
Remember, we didn't sprout fully grown from our mother's womb. We went through those teen years just as you are going through them now. We have the benefit of 20/20 hindsight and can now leisurely look back on all our convictions, that we were so mature and knew it all, with the knowledge we've gained through sheer experience.
I too wish you much happiness in life and that everything works out the way you'd like it to. Life has this irritating habit of not cooperating with the best-laid plans. But that's what makes it interesting.
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female
reader, KeighleySky +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Your in love, your young, you and your guy dont have arguments you've been friends first, been together a while. I say go for it! you love eachother and i dont think its a bad thing to get married young, if i could id marry my boyfriend but im not old enough and my mother would never give me permission. But a baby at 19? i think thats a bit soon, why not enjoy being married for a few more years and see if it will turn out how you want it too. A baby is exhausting and will you have enough money to feed your child and look after him/her? i think marriage is perfectly fine but i dont think a baby is the best bet right now.
My congratulations on your engagement :) xx
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (20 May 2010):
 OK, since you asked... here goes:
Older people don't generally believe teenagers know what true love is, because older people have BEEN teenagers. We remember what it was like being a teenager. The thoughts we had, our feelings, our crushes, our difficulties, and much much more. Be look back on what we considered a bad day back then and realize by our "today" older standards... those really weren't that bad. You have to understand, you as teenagers have yet to experience much of what life has to show you. Growing up, our world is pretty much confined to the walls of school and the relationships built around school. More often then not, when people get out of high school you start to change. You see there is a whole new world out there. You start meeting new people and experiencing things you never imagined. The problem is.... you can't possible understand this until you experience it. Each and every one of us who is "older" can say we have felt the same thing you do - feeling that our teenage relationships can last forever and we felt insulted when people older didn't believe us. But guess what? Yes, we felt that way back then, but we see now after all of those years that they were right.
Just read through this site over the last year. You will see it is actually quite common for two high school loves to branch off and go to separate schools. Both have all the intent to be together forever, but more times then not the two drift apart... not because they want to, but because it is natural.
I'm not saying NO relationships ever work when you meet as a teenager. There are definitely "high school sweethearts" who are married and live a happy life. Unfortunately, more times than not does this occur. You sound like you are mature for your age, and you two are thinking things through. So I won't say 100% that it won't work. But if you as a teenager want older people to keep an open mind for you that it MAY work, you in return must be willing to acknowledge that "older" people MAY have an idea on what they are talking about.
The question should be not "Why do older people not think teenagers don't know what true love is?" instead it should be "Why do teenagers question an adults opinion when they haven't had as many years of experience in life?"
I wish you luck in your life and your relationship. All of us wish life and love were as easy as finding the one person we want to spend the rest of our life with in high school. Our fingers are crossed for you.
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