A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. Four years ago I had a relationship with a girl who was about to move in with her long term boyfriend. I know it was wrong but I was lonely and inexperienced and she had issues with her bf and had recently lost her father. We met at college and sat next to each other. She made me feel that she loved me, often talked about having a "big dicision" to make (ie: whether to leave her boyfriend for me) and we were so close emotionally. She moved in to her new house with her BF and I didn't hear from her for a long time. No response to texts or emails and months went by without a word. I didn't know how to feel as there was no sense of closure. I didn't know if she had used me and it was all a game from the start, if her BF had put his foot down or if she felt she needed space and couldn't be honest with me about where I stood. I even wondered if she had stumbled under a bus. Then two years later she text me out of the blue. She said she was sorry she hadent been in touch and sort of glossed over it as if it had been a couple of weeks rather than two years. She said she wanted us to meet up and was keen to see me again. Naturally I held out hope that her and her fella had split up and now she was coming to me. For months she kept saying she wanted to meet but nothing actually happened, and it wasn't for want of trying on my part. We even arranged it a few times only for her to cancel. Then, after several months of this, she vanished without a word yet again. No goodby, no explanation, nothing. Ive tried to contact her several times but got no reply.I know i've been a fool and I intend to move on from this. But what do I learn? Why did she act like this? I thought she cared about me, loved me and respected me. WHy walk away the minute she moved into the house with her boyfriend and not speak to me for a couple of years and then get back in touch, mess me around and fob me off and then shut me out again? What was all that about? Just looking for thoughts on her behaviour. I know ive been stupid and should have told her where to go when she got back in contact but I don't understand her at all after spending a long time initially thinking we understood each other and cared about each other.Thanks.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2013):
 2 years ago she made a choice after being rather skanky and untrustworthy.
she was using you then... the second she moved in with the boyfriend should have been the last you ever spoke to her.
what probably happened here was a glitch in her road.... she had a huge fight with the boyfriend or something... and now they've made up.
she'll be back. next time ignore her, don't feed her ego or play her games.
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (31 March 2013):
 You were her potential escape route if things didnt work out with her boyfriend, but sounds like she's made then work somehow. You probably boosted her self esteem at a time when things were difficult between them.
You will be happier with someone who knows they want to be with you, bring someone's confidence boost won't help your self esteem.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (31 March 2013):
 I do believe, from what you have described, that she is a user...she has used you in the past (and you have been like a rock) and she's come back to use you again, with no care or thought or understanding of your feelings.
Why has she done this?...because she could, because she knew you'd be available to give her a boost and because she knows you are blind to the fact that she ISN'T some poor confused damsel in distress, but is in fact a selfish user.
It's horrible what she has done, it's not right and not fair to pick someone up and then drop them with no word. There are so many people like this in the world and they often have a short attention span and a huge ego that needs feeding with attention...you provided that attention and you got hurt again because of it.
That whole thing of having issues and loss and throwing up confusing behaviour gets real old real quick, but it's probably the way she gets a fix that lets her know she's 'special' and wanted...the fact she leaves you feeling empty and lost doesn't seem to bother her one bit!!! (hence the dissapearance and ignoring you)
If she comes back around again (for a third go) I think it would serve you well to tell her to f**k off and leave you alone, because hanging onto the memory of someone who doesn't give a crap about you, will severely impede your meeting someone who does!!!
Don't waste another second...get out their while you are still young and fabulous and meet someone new xxxx
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A
male
reader, Grym +, writes (31 March 2013):
It's simple my friend. You were nomore than a ego trip to her. She found delight in knowing that after years of letting you hang, she can come back and do you over again. She doesn't love you. She doesn't care about you. She only wants to know that you want her and that she still has it. She only want to stroke her ego and tell herself that she can still put it down on someone. You're letting her play you like a man to a woman. Have some respect for yourself and finally let her go.
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