A
male
age
36-40,
*rendan.Dowler
writes:"this is very long but please bare with me, its important and i could really use any sort of advice" hey, im 22 and been married for just over a year, my wife, 24, and i have a 1 year old boy together. we both used to be so incredibly happy, inseperable, lovey dovey, the type of stuff that made other ppl "sick" lol. but right now everything we had together has just gone right down the drain, its almost as if she changed over night. we decided to seperate and ive been back at my parents for 4 weeks now and she told me she wants a divorce, but i made her and my son a promise that if anything ever happened i would fight tooth and nail for her and us, when i made that promise she thought it was sweet but now she just keeps telling me that she doesnt want me to fight cause im not getting her back any time soon. we have to wait a year to get divorced, its just the law and she said if things are good she would be willing to postpone divorce. everytime i see her i bring up the relationship and she said that my continuously doing that just pushes her away and does more damage than good. she said she's been falling out of love with me and been unhappy since our son was born cause i wasnt there for her, which looking back on i can see what she is talking about and i take full responsibility for what ive done, but now she wont evern fight for us. the other day she hit me with that she wants to be alone, live single life, live life for herself, that she will be going out clubbing, she said shes not going to go out looking to hook up or have sex with other men but if it happens it happens and that she will be dating other men, but not to start a relationship, just to experience it. she said she needs to do this cause shes spent the last 10 years of her life in relationships and doesnt know what single life is like. i kinda understand why shes doing it but what i dont understand is why did she get married and have a baby if she wanted to experience single life. she said that when she gets this out of her system she'll decide weather or not she is going to come back to me, she said she doesnt know how long it will take or whether she'll come back to me at all, so i have decided to and told her that i will stand by her side cause i love her dearly, while she goes and does this and that all i want is a chance to make things right when she has this out of her system, she said she wants me to go out to do the same thing but i have zero interest, i just want my family back. what should i do, stand by her like i have said i would? walk away? keep trying to win her back like and risk keep pushing her away or what? just need any kind of advice please, anyone. i also forgot to mention that when we get along, even now, we really really get along, and she has told me that she feels closer to me, she is a fantastic mother and was always a fantastic wife, but i still need to know what to do, please ppl
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): I had something similar happened to me except without the kid part. My wife and I were married for just under a year and decided that it was okay to have an affair with her "best friend" keep in mind that I was surely aware that something like that was occurring. When I found out i wasn't very nice about it. I showed that I was angry and that I was willing to divorce her at all cost, which I would've but me being a Christian and believing in what my lord was telling me, I decided to stay with her and work things out. You however have a different approach and scenario. To tell you the truth at this point the only thing that should be important to you should be your kid. The lady is obviously not in love with you as harsh as it is. There are plenty of women out there and one of them is going to love you for you. My wife realized the mistakes she was making and now is fully dedicated to me and it feels great. Find your true love and keep your kid nearby so that when he is older he realizes that you were right and will honor you. You're still young, it's definitely an advantage. We learn from the troubles that we face. Face it because tomorrow you will be laughing. It happens to many of us and it took me a week to realized that and accept it. God bless.
A
female
reader, chita22  +, writes (12 February 2011):
 Omg. I knew it, what a BadGuy! You know what? That's her loss. I don't get why your child is going to spend more time with this other guy. Please don't tell me you're going to give up on your child now! You need to be in your sons life with more now, than ever. Don't show him that just because the parents aren't together that means he's not going to spend that much time with his dad. Don't let any other man raise your son. Especially not a home wrecker! Now you need to move on from this selfish girl. Take some time for yourself spend a lot of time with your child and begin a new chapter in your life. Between when your wife tries to get back with you, which she will, because she gets bored easily.Don't take her back just because of the thought of your family being together cause she could hurt you again.
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A
male
reader, Brendan.Dowler +, writes (11 February 2011):
Brendan.Dowler is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell it turns out she is seeing another guy, i found out tonight, she yelled at me and talked softly to him telling him she didnt want him to go, 95% of me saying **** this, uve ****** me right over and im done, i want someone to love me for me, to start a proper family with that will actually stay together, and take off on some single bullshit, she said she likes him more than me cause i piss her off and he doesnt, that he sends so many sweet msgs, when i asked bout the sweet msgs that come from my heart she said who cares ive heard them all before. she asked him out to dinner on a date, she wants to see if it goes anywhere and shes give him the chance to be better than me. im scared that she will develop feelings, plus this guy will be spending more time with my son than me. she lied to me, treated me like an idiot and a fool, walked all over me, used me and spat me out, she cared more about him staying than she did bout me dying inside. im pretty sure im going to do the hardest thin
41 minutes ago
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A
female
reader, chita22 +, writes (10 February 2011):
Omg I can't believe she's doing this to u. She's obviously bored because u do everything she's asks for. U realy need to stand up for yourself why does she get to choose what happens to your family. You need to let go. My brothers wife did the same to him and he kept on fighting for his marriage and now after 8 yrs of marriage she ended up having an affair anyways so now they just recently divorced and he always saya I shouldve had just let it go along time ago. I feel so bad for u but I think your a great guy u won't have a problem finding someone else. I know its easy for us here to say drop it and move on but this is your family your the only 1 that could decide that. My advice is move on. She's a selfish wife,mother.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): She doesn't want to "live the single life", she's infatuated with a specific other man and is either already seeing him, or wants to try to start dating him. She may have been seeing him while you two were living together.She's living in a selfish fantasy, where she can experience the excitement of a new relationship but still have you waiting pathetically on the back burner in case things don't work out with her crush. You do not deserve to be treated like this, and she'll continue to abuse you like this until you pull the plug on her fantasy.1. Strength is attractive, weakness is not. You need to look strong enough to move on without her. Begging her only makes her pity you and pity is NOT attractive.2. Give her a deadline to decide between her marriage and her fantasy world. Two weeks is best.3. Until the deadline, don't contact her for any reason. Especially don't answer your phone or contact her Friday or Saturday night. If she asks where you were, say "out." If she asks where, say "just with some people." If she asks who, say "you don't know them." DO NOT ask where she was or who she was with. If she tries to tell you, say "I'm really not interested." Remember: Strength is attractive, not weakness.4. Get an STD test for yourself and a paternity test for your child. She is clearly irresponsible and impulsive and she does not, and may not have in the past, had your best interests at heart.5. If she continues to try to string you along past the deadline, tell her she has permanently lost her chance with you and you're moving on.
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A
female
reader, ashley187  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 I can see that you really really love her, but unfortunately somewhere along your time together she has fallen out of love with you. Do not smother and beg her to take you back, it will annoy her and she'll become more distant. Tell her how you feel and leave it at that. If she has a change of heart she will let you know. At least you say you still get along pretty well (and thats fantastic) because together or not you do have a child and will always be a part of eachothers lives wether you're in a relationship or not. You can't make her love you, be patient and good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): Dude,grow some balls,you're a man,show her what you're all about,be the man in the relationship.Dont be the one running after her.Dont let her be the one dominating & dictating the relationship.Ask her one more time if she wants to work this out or not or get counselling,if she doesnt,get the divorce.Dont waste each other's time.I know you guys have a kid,but unfortunately these things happen,so do what you have to do.When people change like this over night,it usually means a 3rd person has entered the picture,or waiting in the distance.Im not saying thats you guys,im just saying. Goodluck man
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A
male
reader, dannn  +, writes (10 February 2011):
I really don't have a good answer but just thought I'd say I'm rooting for you and really hope things work out. What she's doing isn't fair to you, and I've seen many woman do similar things where they're "finding themselves" and society seems to think this completely fair, but I'd agree with you in saying that it isn't. She made a promise, and I wouldn't bring it up with her every-time you're together. The best advice I think I've ever gotten is to focus on what makes you you, take care of yourself and don't smother her, but stand by her. Hope it helps good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): She seems lost. And you said you will be there for her because you love her so much. She wants to go out, so she probably will have sex with other men. She wants to live the single life...and you will be there forever waiting for her??You are wasting your time. If she wants a single life, divorce her and leave her alone, so you can move on with your life and your son.
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