A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. I am 32 and he is 37. Neither of us have been married or have children.We live about 40 mins from one another. Here is the problem. He has been putting the pressure on me very heavy the last 4-5 months about getting married. I don't feel like I am ready. He (almost daily) will bring up wanting a baby and talk about how he is getting old and wants to "stop this high school dating BS and be married". (I go to him 90% of the time so hes not even the one driving). It has gotten to the point where I don't even feel like we can enjoy each others company and just be glad to be together because there will be some sort of comment from him regarding all this. I am happy to have him in my life but we have had some issues.It has not been smooth sailing. I think that is why I am hesitant to get married or sell my house and move in right now. I think I could one day when I don't feel uneasy and more confident in our relationship. I don't want to leave him but I just don't want to marry/move in right now. I guess I have hope that things will improve between us. He has told me that I am wasting his time. If he feels like that then I told him he should move along, as I didn't want him to feel that way. I could understand this more if we had been dating for 3 plus years or something. He seems to have zero patience.He claims to love me so much, and I feel if that is the case then why hurry me? I told him this pressure is pushing me the other direction from him. It is kind of off putting. It almost feels like ...I found a good one, better lock her down now! He can't seem to understand where I am coming from. He said I want perfect, and that is a fairy tale. While I agree that nothing is perfect, I would like to see some of our problems we have had subside before I marry. Any advice I greatly appreciate. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 October 2015):
 My dad told me a long time ago...wait until you're 40 to get married. He was right!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2015): I am the OP. He does have a license, owns a home, and good job. The reason he doesnt come here very much is because he works a swing shift, and sometimes longer hours. I have catered to that since my job as a hairdresser is more flexible. I don't think it is appreciated, just expected. When I don't come over, we don't see each other. I am going to stop doing that. Our issues have to deal with well...his inconsideration, selfishness, and moodiness. We have been off and on due to those things and me not being able to feel his so called love for me. Actions do speak louder. He can be nice to be around and we have had good times, which is what I hold onto. And what I hope will be more to come, because that is the man I would want to marry. I agree ..where is the fire? What is this rush in marriage when we haven't been stable especially. right now i have no desire to sell my house and move 40 mins away into his house. If I am wasting his time like he said, then he can look elsewhere. I am fed up. Thanks everyone for the advice. I appreciate it
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 October 2015):
 You tell him to stop this high school bullshit of relying on others for transportation, of rushing into things prematurely and see what he says. Maybe he's still living with parents and have a DUI with thousands owing in his license.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 October 2015):
 What are these problems?
Based on this post? I'd stop being the one who does all the driving. I'd do a background check on him. Maybe he can't come to see you because his driver's license is suspended? Or doesn't exist?
He's been aggressive and demanding and frankly, a bit insulting, about getting married and having children. Red flags abound.
If you're not ready after a year? NORMAL.
Insisting on getting married after 7 months of dating? ABNORMAL.
He (almost daily) will bring up wanting a baby and talk about how he is getting old and wants to "stop this high school dating BS and be married".
He doesn't really care about what works for the two of you, or even for you.
My guess is that he's a lot older than he says, that he can't drive for a very specific reason, that he's trying to bully you into marriage so he has access to your credit and your driver's license and car.
Do the background check ASAP. No joke.
Let us know what you find out.
Hope you stay safe!
P.S. You deserve better treatment, I wonder why that isn't obvious to you?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 October 2015):
 It's not often that I see that the GUY is more scared of running out a biological clock than the girl is.
First of all, you're definitely in the right to slow him down. One year isn't that long, and while it's not unheard of to get engaged in that timeframe, I definitely wonder "Where's the fire?".
I would not like to be pressured into marriage. The whole "stop this HS dating BS"? That's in place to get to know the person you're to marry. Let me ask you this question:
Do you know his credit rating? Do you know his job history? Do you know if he's had any misdemeanors/felonies? Why is he so anxious?
It's a big RED FLAG for him to characterize his time with you as "wasting my time", especially with the immense pressure on men these days NOT to get married and legally bind your assets to another person.
Usually when there is pressure to marry, it means that you are either his ticket out of a problem (i.e. financial or reputational), or he's feeling your biological clock. Either way, I don't like this pressure.
Pressuring like this at only the 1-year mark is disturbing, and I feel a controlling vibe from it. If I were you, I would back away from him before he's *really* got you, and I would change all of my passwords and lock my phone if I were you, because he's trying to CLAIM you, rather than get to know you.
If I were you, I'd leave him, though I know you don't want to. If he exerts pressure, pressure him back. Tell him it feels like he's wanting to marry you for ulterior reasons that don't have to do with you. Being with the woman he loves isn't "wasting his time". Not only that, but when he's talking like this, I'd be worried about entrapment, like poking holes in condoms or switching your birth control, because pregnancy has been used as a weapon to bind people together, though we both know that it doesn't work.
Be careful with him. There's something disturbing regarding him, and I think you know it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 October 2015):
 I think most people have GREAT instincts, but they often make the mistake of NOT following those instinct.
You don't write what kind of issues you two have, but if you are having serious issues after ONLY 1 year I FULLY agree that they NEED to be sorted out before even THINKING about marriage.
And yes, I too would think this whole "marriage" thing for him is partly due to his age (almost 40 and not married) and partly due to the presumption that if you two marry he can "lock" you down.
He might love you very much, but there seems to be a real lack of respect here. Like he REFUSES to see things from your side, he will listen, but he IGNORES the words that come out of your mouth.
Can I ask, OP what issues you two have had (there still aren't resolved)?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2015): Hai dia
it is very good to dosomething that is out of your heart, dont let anyone foce you to go in the marriage if it is not your time . Marrige is the thing that is permanent not tempolary things it is an unbreaking covanent. You ned to know this man well don't rush you will crash
so wach out
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