A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:Why did my boyfriend say that? what am I gunna do?:(?my ex boyfriend has been calling me lately and my boyfriend asked and obviously i couldn't lie so told him the truth.i went through his phone( i know i shouldn't have) in the text he told his friend and his friend said am a waste just like all girls.. My boyfriend then replied and said hes just going to keep me and have sex with other girls and doesn't even care if i find out or not:( his friend is bitter cos his ex girlfriend slept with her ex bf.nw my boyfriend iust really sweet and would do anything for me...hes the best guy ever..but why would he say that to his friend? am really hurt..i dont know how to confront him...what should I DO??thanks..xxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happyface  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 confront him..don't be afraid to here unpleasant or hurting answers..because i don't think sweet guys would text his friends negative stuffs about his girlfriend..if he was just carried away of his hurts or anger or whatever because your ex bf is calling you, that reason is still not enough for him to texts that message to his friends..
i mean many guys out there are good deceivers, so better weigh things down first before you'll say he's the best guy ever..
A
female
reader, tcm  +, writes (16 January 2011):
Maybe he is talking through anger and will regret it when he calms down. If you think back to the start,put yourself in his shoes then it will paint a more honest picture. Your part in this somehow has been overlooked. Why did you look through his cell phone? You have played your part and is just as bad as he is. I am not here to get good ratings so who doesnt like "get a life".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): because he`s jealous and putting up a barrier through fear of getting hurt regarding your ex. try to forget about youself for a few minutes and open your mind enough to think further than number one. it seems people in here dont want to help solve problems,they just want to call people. very cowardly really and shows how quick it can be to form an uneducated opinion without hearing both sides of it. very good for you today,but not helping you if you want to mend your relationship. Get rid,he`s a pig,you deserve better bla bla bla is temporary. i am baffled why you went through his phone and can you really say you wasnt looking for something to hit back with when he asks questions,its a very common thing to do when you dont want to hear anything that implicates you are in the wrong. get better,he`s a nerd bla bla bla
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A
female
reader, Fabulosa  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Sounds like he's two faced. I understand that sometime people say things they don't mean. And I do understand that people man mistakes. But that is wrong. How r u going to feel if you hang out with him and that friend? Your going to feel stupid. I think u should ask your bf about it. If he's planning on sleeping with other people you should end it. And if he says he didn't mean it he was upset or some other b.s. like that he needs to tell his friend that he didn't mean what be said and he loves you and that you mean much more to him that just sex. And he also owes you a huge apology. Yes people make mistakes and no one is perfect. Aneveryone has said someting they wish they hadent so in my opinion he should make things right and the move on (depending on the seriousness of the relationship)... if its not serious or he did mean it you should move on... oh and if you do forgive him only forgive him this once.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Well you proved yourself wrong when you said your boyfriend's really sweet and would do anything for you, because he's obviously not.
You should have confronted him as soon as you read it. Tell him straight and ask him why the hell he said that to his friend.
He'll probably make up some stupid excuse and if you're silly enough you'll fall for it. DUMP HIM! He's not worth your time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Huge red flag here. How he talks about you to his friends/family is very important. He may act like a sweet guy to you but that obviously is not what is going through his mind. Your boyfriend is a sneaky one, he realises if he treats you all nice then that can leave him free to do other things.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 January 2011):
Well I think it's pretty clear that your "really sweet, would do anything...he's the best guy ever" boyfriend is, in fact, totally shite.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes we all need to vent about our partners. But he's not venting. He's written out a whole play saying that he'll use you and cheat. It sounds like his friend isn't all much better either.
I would't confront him. I wouldn't waste your breath, then waste your time listening to the crappy excuses you'll hear.
You've seen this guy for what he is, and you know he's out to use you whether you care or not. He's not what you thought at all. Move on from him and find a guy who respects and loves you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): "nw my boyfriend iust really sweet and would do anything for me...hes the best guy ever"
No he's not, he just called you the equivalent of a stupid bitch to his friend and said he doesn't care about you and that he's going to go around and sleep with other girls behind your back because he doesn't care about hurting you.
The guy doesn't like that you're in contact with your ex and instead of talking to you about it he gets mad and says all that crap to his friend.
When you confront him, which you have to, he will deflect the blame onto you by saying you shouldn't have gone through his phone, he will get angry and try and turn it around on you but you can't let him do that. He will then turn around and say he didn't mean it that he was just angry.
There's a simple solution to this, ask him what he thinks of you talking to your ex. Then ask him if he feels that it's enough reason to want to hurt you. If he says no then you know he's lying, tell him you read the text and it really hurt.
OP this is a major red flag. To me this is a dealbreaker, I would dump his ass right now. There are no comebacks from this and who knows how he talks about you behind your back. This is not a good sign and it is completely unacceptable. If you want this to work and you really like him then you have to make full sure he knows he can't treat you this way. But honestly I wouldn't give him the chance. I'd just text him that exact message with "screw you" at the end.
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