A
male
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*immy2
writes:[MOD NOTE] PLEASE SPECIFY YOUR AGE, SO OUR AUNTS CAN GIVE YOU THE BEST AGE APPROPRIATE ADVICE. THANK YOU.Hi,I am a 39 year old guy.Anyone who has read my previous posts will know that when it comes to finding love, I've not had the greatest measure of luck.Recently I became acquainted with a woman I met through a dating website. We exchanged numbers. Last week she texted me asking how I was and to cut a long story short, I took her out on a date. We seemed to really click - we had a lot to talk about and we laughed a lot. She expressed a desire to want to stay out with me all evening and said she was really having fun but had to get back because her daughter (who is 18) was a bit uncomfortable with her being out with a strange man. Fair enough so far, I respected that and we shared a taxi back to hers and parted with an affectionate kiss on the lips. She wanted to see me again tonight and I definately wanted to see her again as I'd began to develop feelings for her. However, a couple of days ago, she texted me to say that she would have to call the date off because her younger son was ill and she had to take him to the hospital to get him checked out. This seemed to be genuine (as she posted it on a social networking website of which we are both members), so again fair enough. Despite this fact she went out with her friends last night leaving her daughter to babysit her son. Since then I have tried to rearrange another date with her, to a nice restaurant near to where I live and to a pub for a carvery near to where she lives but she seems to keep putting barriers in the way like she's trying to diet/her daughter wants to go out next week/she's not sure when she's next free. She also expressed surprise that I don't own a car, and to be fair I don't have a great deal of money. One of her past boyfriends used her for money as he never had any so I think this sits a little sour with her - but I'm a genuine honest and very caring guy and would never treat her like that. In fact my only 'sin' is to want to find love and happiness with someone and I really thought she was that person.She's not said that she doesn't want to see me again so am I being a little hasty assuming this? I really like her and don't want to lose her, so my question really is, am I wasting my time here and what, if anything, should my next move be as I seem to be doing all the chasing here but am getting nowhere?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Date other women. She's not the be all end all.
A
male
reader, jimmy2 +, writes (16 January 2011):
jimmy2 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi AngelDlite,
Thanks for your response. My gut instinct is here that the things she has used as excuses are genuine reasons enough, I think that her ideal is to meet someone who can match what she has in a material sense, which is a car and a house, so although I am quite sure that as far as my genuine intentions, ideas for the future and personality is concerned, I have ticked those boxes, my lack of material wealth (like not having a car, my own house or no money saved which she does have) probably does not.
I suspect that I am being 'put on hold' while she considers her options because there are some things she likes about me. I wish I could wave a magic wand and have all of these things, who wouldn't want them? however, at the end of the day I'm not some alcoholic street urchin who is latching onto her. I have a professional job in IT with reasonable money (in fact I earn more than she does), I have a studio flat which is rented but sadly the costs of living on my own without any help is financially crippling me but I'm an honest guy who pays my way in life. If I was with someone and we shared a property, I would have a lot more money (so I could then get a car and save) but I would not just burn the excess, I would make serious plans for the future. I don't think she is convinced of this and don't really know what I can say to convince her because she hardly knows me. I really like her though and my intentions are genuine and honest. I would not use her like that. That is why I have not lied to her about these things, my cards are on the table for her to see. I cannot do more than that.
Obviously I wish I could have gotten my act together a bit sooner in life and not wasted so many years living at home with my parents being such a spendthrift (I just got used to it) but now I have my independence, I am thinking on my feet and hoping to meet someone who will judge me for who I am now.
My plan is to wait 2 weeks and not chase her up or keep suggesting dates which she keeps rebuffing, however if she has failed to contact me after that, I think I will have to send her a long e-mail to her explaining everything and asking her for a bit of honesty because i don't want to move on while there is still a chance we could have something because I really think the world of her.
Thanks again for your reply,
Kindest wishes,
James xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Do not invest time in her. She doesn't know what she wants or she's dishonest, both of which will present you with nothing more than a woman of burdensome, unhealthy, bothersome hassle. Step away from her and savour the company of an assured, grounded, honest woman. You will find substantial gratification, comfort and pleasure in the company of such woman.
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A
male
reader, Learner.uk +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Hi, personly if i were you i would carry on trying to date other people still and get on with your life, she is well aware you are interested so dont push her away by calling,txting or e-mailing all the time, give her space and if she is interested she can contact you. Do you go out to try and meet people? If you dont should try to more often or join somesort of social club to meet new women in person rather then over the net? Hope this help's out, all the best
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (16 January 2011):
1-) if she keeps putting barriers then she is rejecting you in a polite way
2-)if she keeps breaking promises but every time you want to end this relation with her she runs after you on and on
then she is a very manupilative sick personality
and many sick people behave like this
finally if the case was number 1
set her free if she wants you she'll come back to you
but if she didnt she'll never come back
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (16 January 2011):
 hi
do you think she might be dating other men from the site too? i mean its fair enough if she is as long as she hasn't promised exclusivity. yes things do crop up when you have got kids, but if she cancelled you she could have made an alternate date with you. 'being on a diet' is no excuse for not wanting to go for a meal with you either. she doesn't have to eat like a pig just because its a dinner-date.
all things considered, yes it sounds like she is not into you. maybe it is your lack of money and car, especially if her ex also was not affluent, she may have made it her mission to seek someone more financially secure this time round. or maybe there is something else about you that just 'just doesn't do it for her' or tick the right boxes.
could be that she just wants to take things slow or play a bit hard to get, these are the strategies that us women use to test the man's intentions, to see if we really mean anything to him or is he just after sex.
can you ask her outright? just tell her its not a problem but you would rather know if she want you to stop calling. make sure she feels at ease to tell her intentions, do not make her feel backed into a corner about this because she may respond by reassuring you to avoid
confrontation but then carry on making excuses whenever you ask for a date.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): just stop chasing her.. if she likes you, she will come around.. she will call you and set a date... Don't call her all the time, and wait... don't even reply immediately, wait a day or two.. really, if she likes you, she will call you... If not, she won't.. sorry if i wasn't helpful, but that's my opinion, as a girl:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): To be honest, it sounds as if she doesn't want another date. Excuse after excuse - she would definately try and see you no matter what, if she wanted to. Sorry to be blunt. But sometimes it's best to know.
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