A
female
age
36-40,
*hoknowsnow
writes:I dated a guy who had a little thing for a coworker and it turned into a messy situation and our relaitonship was on and off again and during some of the off times he would try and pursue this coworker of his. Anyways long story short.., I felt a lot of hurt from that relationship . We broke up a month ago and he started seeing some girl that he had met right away.He asked to meet up on Thursday and I said I would if he thought that it was absolutely necessary but that. Was hesitant and he said it was. When we met up he said he just wanted to see me and reconnect and that he wasn't over me and dumped the last girl because of it. I told him that I was hoping for an apology at least and he apologized but I felt like I needed to hear hat he's had a change in character. He said he'd write me a letter. I asked to meet up because reconnecting with him had made me feel like I was back at square one and I needed to know what was truly in his heart and express some stuff to hiim.We made plans for 5pm the sunday after the meeting and he cancelled plans over text at 4 and asked to put it off until tomorrow. I asked why and he said he had other plans and didn't plan his day out right. I asked him what plans were more important? and he didn't respond or say sorry at all. I responded saying forget it altogether and he hasn't responded at all since and it's now Tuesday.I feel like meeting up with him was a bad decision and has set me back. Any insights as to why he wanted to meet up at all if he's now acting this way?
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female
reader, Whoknowsnow +, writes (8 April 2016):
Whoknowsnow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI messaged him to say it didn't seem genuine that he wanted to meet up and didn't explain why he couldn't or apologize. He replied saying that after I pulled the drama card saying to forget it that he was no longer interested. Probably for the best. He could have explained himself then but just said that I said to forget it and so he did forget it. Thanks for all your answers. It helped but things into perspective.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 April 2016):
 Yep, I'm with Cindy too.
He takes your for a mug, quite simply. When he is having a lull in his other "adventures" there YOU are to pick up the slack and give him the attention he craves.
YOU two had an ON/OFF relationship for a reason. Everything things got tough or serious he "ran" (into the arm of another woman or CHASING another woman). And when THAT didn't work out he came back to you.
YOU are his security blanket. His safety-net. The girl to go to so he isn't all alone. But it's NOT you he wants. THAT is why he KEEPS looking and chasing other women while with you.
Tell him good luck, go fly a kite, then block him and MOVE on. YOU are letting this guy HOLD you back from finding someone who WANTS to be with YOU!
My guess is why "conning" you into meeting up and "reconnecting" (what a load of dung) he met another girl and is now busy chasing her, thus cancelled your meet-up.
YOU need to WEAN yourself off of this guy. I get that you care, but you are keeping blinders on, only listening to his smooth words and disregarding his actions. LOOK at the whole picture and you will see he is NOTHING but a time-waster for you.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (5 April 2016):
 I agree with CindyCares and will add this: old baggage with a person is not an excuse to toss basic courtesy out the window. When someone, anyone, has to change or cancel plans with you it's nosy and bossy to press for explanations and justifications.It's none of your business why they can't make the agreed upon engagement. All you can do is accept a cancellation and quietly draw your own conclusions or decide if the new plans work for you. If not you can re-schedule something else. Sometimes exes do reconnect and manage to resolve their issues but expecting to clear the air immediately and have that person own everything wrong thing you think they did is impatient and heavy handed. Think of an apology as a Band Aid on a broken window. It's pointless. The best indicator of lasting changes is behaviour, over a period of time. Don't try to rush it with tedious, repetitive, blaming discussions. Earn each other's trust the way you did when you were first dating by treating one another with a certain formality.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2016):
 Not very flattering maybe, but all his behaviour screams : BACK BURNER !
You are Ms. Old Reliable ON-and-Off, and he , apparently , does not like to sweat it in his love life. It did not work with the new girl, ... and of course what's faster, easier and easy and convenient to try and make you " On " again. He thought you'd be still carrying a bit of a torch, and you would accept meeting him .( He guessed right ).
Then,though, it gets a bit more complicated than he had thought. You want apologies, you want explanations, you want reassurance, you want planned dates and reliability.
Not that you are wrong to want these things, - but clearly he does not feel like offering them , that was not his deal.
You said " forget it altogether ", now let this be your final comment to the whole story.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (5 April 2016):
He sounds like an arrogant chancer to me: one who thought you’d be easily sweet-talked around without him having to make any effort at all. He’ll be in to you when it suits him, but don’t expect him to make any effort to fight for you. You even had to drag the apology out of him – no change of character there. This meeting was as much as he was willing to put in to fighting for you. You say that it’s set you back but this meeting should actually set you free. He’s a time-waster, so move on.
I wish you all the very best.
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