A
female
age
30-35,
*coral16
writes:I started going out with my EX boyfriend in September, we had a great relationship everything was going well!A lovely valetines days, he told me he was falling for me and he chased me. I really fell for him, the week it ended I noticed he was a little distant with his texts(and sometimes he could go through this as he suffered depression and aniexty) I stayed at his on the Wednesday and everything was pretty normal, we had had a great weekend before, besides Tuesday evening being a bit odd.Thursday morning was fine and I left his house with the big bubble. I guess I worried about small things to much, so that night after work I told him I was worried he'd lost interest in me because he had been quite that night and I was feeling insecure, he said his heart wasn't in it, that he wasn't wanting to be in a relationship because he realised he needed to make himself happy. Up until that point he had told me he wanted to be with me for along time and that I was everything he ever wanted. Valetines day was a week before and he had written in my card, how speical I was and how he was excited about our future together.I asked him that night if he had someone else and he said no. Being so hurt and it being late I started talking to his best friend, telling him to look after him and how much I loved him and how it didn't make sense, because the night before he spoke of living with me!!!!! His friend was cool, he also said he thought he was confused and that he didn't think he would move on and find another girl .The following week after no contact I go to see him to talk and pick up my things. He seems confused, like he doesn't know. I cry a lot. He tells me he's done this to all his girlfriends, he said his last girlfriend got with another guy because of the way he treated her- I asked him how he would feel if I got another guy and he said that's different, and I said no- how would you feel if I had another guy- and he said he wouldn't like it. He slipped up and told me I was speical and kept saying things and then would say I shouldn't say that because it doesn't help the break up. He told me that it would take him a long time to move and that I wouldn't be easy to forget! Before this I asked him to be honest and asked him if he had another girlfriend or if there was another girl in the picture and he said no there wasn't. I believe him and even my mum doesn't think there was. I went home and he asked me to text him when I was home which I did, then he text me saying he cried loads to which I didn't know what to say and I said something like take care. I text him a week later to tell him to go to the opera- I bought him a single ticket to opera at my work- I didn't work because I didn't wana see him. He told me he was unsure about going- I also asked him why he deleted me off FB. He said he didn't want to cause anymore hurt than he already had! I asked him if he found someone new- I heard nothing. I text him again about the opera nothing. So this was like 3 weeks ago. His friend has me on FB still, there's no need for him to have me on FB but he does, I unfollowed him because he put up stuff and I got sad. So I had a nose two days ago and he posted a photo of him and my ex I clicked on and saw the likes and this girl liked it and her profile photo was a head close photo of her and him!!!!! He was tagged in it but he didn't like it but his friends did and so did hers. My mum told me not to look into it like that because I don't know but it screams couple. The photo has been put up on 25th March. We only broke up on 25th Feb! I don't think he cheated on me and part of me thinks that he did but he spent a lot of time with me and texting me! I feel so crap about myself. I thought if I gave him space he would come back but now he's moved onto a pretty skinny girl with a good job and I am sad madly in love, overweight working hard :( help me someone! What does all this mean!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2016):
 One month is surely enough time to move on , when you have well made up your mind that it's not working out for you and your heart wasn't in it anymore, as your ex candidly admitted.
He was not exactly telling you lies, he was just giving his version of the old classic " it's not you it's me ". Which is at the same time a truth and a lie, in a sense. I.e. what is true is that it's not something that you have done, or you have done wrong, or omitted to do - he can't pinpoint any specific big flaw or fault. What it's a lie, it is that it's not about you. It is about you ;about you not being , or not having atm, what it would take to keep him in a committed relationship .
Of course this guy also added quite some drama, what with the tears and the mood swings and all - he must be a drama king by natural inclination, I suspect. So it is understandable he got you confused. But at the end of the day he must have had already been checking emotionally out of the relationship, and the new girl was just a catalyst. In other words, I don't think he was cheating on you with her. Probably he did not. But obviously in his heart he was more than ready for something new and different, and that's why he moved to the next person so quickly.
All this , anyway, seems to me utterly irrelevant, once you accept that he is gone, that you need to move on, that you were not suitable for each other , and ( important ) that you don't need or want such an all-about-me, wishy- washy , hot-and-cold egomaniac mother.....r like him, but you need and deserve unstead someone who can be constant and stable in his love and support for you. Once you get all this, there's no need or interest for the relationship post-mortems.
The King is dead, long life to the King.
Stop stalking his FB, his gf's FB, his friend's FB, and shut down whatever connects you in whichever way to his life and fortunes ( or misfortunes ). If his gf is thin or fat or rich or poor or anything, it should not concern you or interest you. You've gotta move on, and THEY are just baggege which you don't need on your road to recovery , and to new happiness. I
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