A
female
age
30-35,
*icky2727
writes:Dear Cupid,I started having a crush on one of these guys at my work. We dont really work together since we work for two different companies but the grocery store houses the company i work for so we're not exactly co workers. Anyways... I started getting a little crush on him and the other day a guy from his department delivered an anonymous note which said a lot of sweet things stating how pretty I am, etc etc and I figured it was from him. When I saw him the next day i confronted him about the note and got him to fess up which led us to exchanging numbers and he invited me to coffee the next day. I went and everything went well and I felt really excited about my new interest. However... he was texting me later and asked if it was alright with me that he "lived with someone". I thought he meant a roommate but I felt a little confused and wasnt sure why that would be an issue so I asked more questions and he said... well its a little more than a roommate... and then continued to say that hes married. I wasn't sure what to even do at the moment... he said that he was sorry he didnt tell me earlier because he didnt want me to stop talking to him and that he really likes me. The conversation cut off at that point and I was asking him why he was even getting involved with me in the first place and his only response was... because I like you. I feel really heartbroken and sad and I lost a little sleep over it because I wanted this to work out. I want to know why the hell he even started talking to me and being flirty 5 months ago if this was the case. Sometimes i feel like there might be a possibility that they're separated but still living together because divorces are expensive? I'm not sure. I want answers. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Lying to wife, lying to you, and probably lying to himself as well as everyone else.You are just a new conquest to him.And more importantly you are attracted to him, big ego boost for him.Your ego, will go to hell in a handbasket because he will be a cheater and you will think "Was that the best I could do, the best I deserved, to get a cheater to like me?"But, you could have some fun with it...tell him you find him so fascinating that you want to meet him somewhere secluded and have a wild sexual adventure to kick off your relationship. Say, "I want to fulfill one of my fantasies." Tell him to go to a secluded and remote place where he has to drive and wait for you. Tell him you "want" to drive there yourself, naked, the entire way, and you want him waiting in the dark naked for you, "like a stranded naked motorist locked out of his car accidentally and needing your help", waiting outside of his car when you drive up (hopefully it will be cold as well as dark and even better raining). Set the time, the place, and then...DON'T SHOW UP...When he comes to his job and is pissed at you, ask him why he is pissed off. When he says, you can respond "But, you helped me fulfill my fantasy of getting a jerkwad like you who was married and cheating to wait in the dark, naked, cold, wet, and feeling stupid for thinking I was stupid enough to fall for your lines."His wife deserves better, you deserve better, so accept nothing less.
A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (7 February 2012):
 That's a huge red flag. Don't get involved, you're putting yourself in a very ugly situation. He's lying and cheating on his wife. And if he gets caught, you're going to be the one blamed.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Why did he start flirting with you when he is still married? Because he is just one of those men I'm afraid - he is a cheater, a liar....you name it, he is simply one of those.
There are just some people on this planet that have no respect for marriage and the vows they have made, and they give in too easily to temptation, they get bored with their long term partner and look elsewhere for fun. Some may be having problems in their marriage and look to another man/woman to distract them from the pain of their reality. There are many reasons why people cheat - but at the end of the day a cheater is a cheater, someone who lies and cannot be trusted.
I seriously doubt that they are 'seperated but living together' - that is probably just a line to keep you interested. If he had told you 'I am happily married but just want a bit on the side' you would have run a mile wouldnt you? Men (and all cheaters in general) know exactly the right words to say to make it appear their marriage is not all what it seems and to keep the other person (i.e. you) interested. Whereas the reality is its all a lie and his marriage is totally fine.
Yes divorces are expensive, but if your relationship is over you move out, regardless of your financial situation. Moving in with parents, renting a place on your own, moving in with friends....all are better alternatives than living with your ex. And the fact they are still under one roof means you can be 99% certain they are still having sex.
The good thing here is that you didnt fall for it and you havent continued developing the relationship with him. Dont get involved any further - explain to him that you are not interested in a relationship with a married man so please can he stop contacting you. If he ever becomes truly single well maybe you could think about it then, but even if that happens you will know in the back of your mind that he tried to cheat on his wife with you, so what would he do to you as well? And how many other women is he texting like he has been with you?
Dont trust him, and dont continue this 'thing' with him, it will only end up with you getting hurt.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 February 2012):
 "What should I do?"
YOU should RUN!
He's MARRIED... he's lying to his wife... he's lied to you... he's a liar a cheat and a coward.......
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Don't waste your time going down that road, it leads nowhere. You'll be very very sorry if you do. And by the way you HAVE gotten the only answer you need...he's married.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Laugh in his face. Then tell him to get lost.
Is there a possibility that they are still living together but just for financial reasons ? Yeah right.
Well, tbh , there is a possibility, because everything is possible except becoming immortal. Just , ask yourself how PROBABLE is that. I say, around 0,5% .Wouldn't have that been the first thing he would have brought up , to sort of reassure you..., if that had been the case ? ..
But, in the very unlikely chance it is so, would not this still be too much baggage for a single girl, with so many single guys to choose from ? would you feel comfortable, I don't know... going to his place and having dinner with him under his estranged wife's nose, or sleeping there and making love in the room next to her ?... If you can't do that- they are not estranged enough.
No no, I bet he's just your regular married guy with a seventh year itch or something. Why did he flirt and ask you out ? Because he's an impudent jerk. He tried his luck, if you are the kind of woman who has no problem sleeping with married guys, he will get to get into your pants, if you are not, he's got nothing to lose anyway, he's surely not going to kill himself because you rejected him !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): I believe you should walk away...
Why? You are young, you are single, and you deserve better than a married guy who can't really offer you himself, completely.
Sure, it's great he told you himself he is "living with someone" and actually "MARRIED", however, it is YOUR CHOICE what you do with that information, and the best would be to acknowledge that in another life, another time and place, maybe it could have been, but right here and now, reality is he is married. i.e. NOT AVAILABLE. Whether happy or not. Whether separated or not. Whether living together because divorce is expensive. No matter the reason - he is not single, to be YOURS. Currently, he is with SOMEONE ELSE.
Don't allow it to go deeper... to listen to the story and get more involved. Your heart will suffer. You will waste time. Sure, you may learn some hard lessons along the way, but it's not worth it.
Until he separates and officially ends his marriage, if he so chooses, he should not be pursuing someone else. He would also need to allow time to put his marriage in the past, not rebound with the next lovely person. YOU.
I know it's hard, I know you have feelings and a crush on him, but believe me, ONE DAY you will be grateful for waiting for the RIGHT ONE who is single, available, honest and faithful to YOU.
Be busy, get your mind busy with other things, and try to avoid him at work, until this passes.
Make the right choice, you deserve true happiness.
Best Wishes
xxxx E
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