A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:once more the issue is about threesomes,my wife and i have been married over 30 years, both in our 50's,for the last 5-6 years our sex life has become extinct,i was wondering if a 3rd person in the bedroom would revive the flame, problem is i dont even know how to bring up the idea, she will not even talk about sex,do i look at solving my problem elsewhere?
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (3 September 2016):
I dont get your suggestion. Its like asking - I havent driven down the driveway in years, so Im thinking of going to the racetrack to see if I can hone my driving skills.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2016): Has your man been to see a doc about prostate cancer?If not get him there on some other excuse and then throw in the all important, by the way!Perhaps you have already done that and may be dealing with it already!If not then remember its the primary reason a mans ability for sex goes out the window and much help is available.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2016): OP, you should understand that the man is always assumed guilty until proven innocent when the sex life dries up. Always.
If you have already been trying and your wife is not being considerate of your needs then you will need to explain that a few more times.
Until then, most of the advice you will get is "try harder. Stop acting like (unfair negative male stereotype)".
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (31 August 2016):
"do i look at solving my problem elsewhere?"
Yes sir...look elsewhere...That is the best way to end 30 years of marriage...You the man.
Wife will not have sex....how to solve it...Have sex with another woman...brilliant!!! People like you are the ones that keep Lawyers very happy.
How about you bring up this topic to your wife..."Hi wifey...can we talk about why you no longer want to have sex? Is it me? Do I turn you off? If yes, what would you like me to do to put the spark back into out marriage?"
You ever think your wife may not want to have sex because you turn her off from it?? Yes...It could all be you...Me you say?
If you plan to bring in another man, and she agrees, but she does not want to have sex with you already....How fitting would it be, if you bring her a new boyfriend. I would love to hear that story of how they both met.
Piece of advise...LOVE is not found between a woman's legs.
The misconception of men....They believe they need sex to feel loved. Problem is....A woman needs LOVE to want to have sex.
Guess what your wife is most likely missing???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2016): Your wife is going through the menopause. Perhaps by understanding her more and asking her how you can make her day a little bit easier you can be the change in the marriage. Make her breakfast for her, bring some flowers home for her, take her out to dinner and do all of this without expecting anything from her. Do it with a smile and then start to ask her what she would like you to do that would make her day just a bit easier. Then start asking her how she is feeling, and let her know you want to ease some of her burden.Going through the menopause is shit, my mum has only must begun it over the last 2 years or so. She gets so uncontrollably hot not even air conditioning can stop the sweat rolling down, she has explained how the irritable feelings you get before a period are magnified - but when you have a period you at least know your cycle, and so can predict when you might feel low or irrational suddenly it happens at any given moment. Your wife will be going through so much, she coukd be feeling like she doesn't want sex because she no longer feels feminine and womanly and perhaps doesn't think you're attracted to her anymore anyway. Suggesting a 3rd person is just downright disrespectful. Take the time to actually understand what your wife is going through and show her you actually do still care for her and gradually she might realise the menopause does not mean the end of her being an attractive woman who can enjoy sex still. It might be that she needs more help to cope with the menopause, and if you are taking the time to help her you could also suggest she sees her doctor. Another example of an older female relative - she told me she just accepted for years that due to the menopause she would have these awful headaches that would last days, wake her up from sleep and generally make her emotionally even more unhappy and low and it was only mentioning it in passing when seeing a doctor for an unrelated matter did she realise they could help her. Be there for your wife, and don't think bringing I'm a 3rd person is a good idea and instead let yourself be the guiding light in the marriage. Help resolve the situation by being a more empathising partner and you could motivate your wife to also take steps to rekindling your marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2016): Just cut to the chase and talk divorce!Do you really believe that an extra body in the bedroom will work?No,it will just give her better grounds for divorcing you!So talk to her to see if you can save your marriage and start the conversation in the day so it's not just a one word answer!But your logic seems very far away from commonsense!It is in fact a porn addict's logic, not a loving partner's sentiment!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 August 2016):
 Bringing a third person into your bedroom will not revive her drive, nor will it fix the marriage.
Have you even spoken to her about it and expressed your feelings? NICELY...not with pawing at her and begging, but over a lovely dinner, "sweetheart, I miss our private time together and I miss you, is there anything I can do to help you?"
If she has not been to a doctor then that would be her first step.
going elsewhere or bringing another person in will not solve the problem
For what it's worth, I am married a mere 4 years and have not had relations with my husband for nearly 2. HE is not interested at all. I miss it. Terribly but I would never EVER consider cheating or adding another person to our bed. I have learned to live without.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (30 August 2016):
 Hold the bus, solving your immediate problem by cheating is likely going to cause bigger problems in the long run.For example :Divorce, So my advice would not to go there. 5 year sex drought must be a frustratingly hard and lonely existence but have there been any attempts at trying to resolve what is causing the problem? Not just you asking but seeking guidance from therapy of some sorts or even medical enquires? Now without sounding rude or trying to offend but how about you, how has your attitude been throughout this time? Do you love your wife, still find her attractive because you need to talk to her about this, not yet the third person, but the need for you to re connect with her sexually and ask her what it is you need to do in order for that to happen. Obviously I dont know your wife or what her reaction would be however I hope its receptive rather than dismissive. In the event of the latter, brute honesty may be your only course of action and that is to bring up your suggestion. Hope that helps a bit
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2016):
 Well if you look to solve your problem else where, you will technically be cheating and well if your wife finds out you will lose her, so I would advice not going down this road.
Look your wife probably hit menopause and has lost her libido. Have you tried understanding her? It does happen to women this age. If you keep nagging her about sex then off course she is not going to want to talk to you about it.
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