A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been best friends with this guy since we were six and we're now eighteen. Just before December he told me that he has liked me since we were 13 and what surpirsed me the most is that I realised that I liked him too, so now we're going out. Everything's going fab because we're 100% comfortable around one another, we trust one another completely and the physicality side of things ain't bad either ;-) He's always telling everyone how much he likes me and people are always telling me that when they meet him he always brings me up in conversation.So, my prom is in August and last night I asked him to be my date. I wasn't expecting some gushing response but I would have liked a little more than a 'mehyeah...just tell me closer to the date cos I'll forget'We always tell each other everything straight up and never play mind games around one another. Does he not want to go with me? Why the hell did he go from being so sweet that night to giving me that kind of response?Help from guys would really be appreciated....thanks
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male
reader, Tomas  +, writes (8 February 2009):
Two parts:1) Proms are generally not as big a deal to guys, so that could be the enthusiasm part. Some guys cringe at the thought of dressing up and dancing. You need to evaluate it in the context of everything else. And as a matter of practicality, August is several months away, which brings us to:2) I guess you've been going out for 2 months. I'd view the prom question as less of a "why wouldn't he want to go to the prom with me" and more of a "why isn't he sure we will still be together 7 months from now". The answer to the latter question can either be:(a) that he is smart enough to recognize that even between long-time friends, it's not automatic to extend 2 months into 9. And making such plans could be awkward if you end up having a fight or breaking up somewhere down the road. So I could argue that he is actually being mature and taking it slowly, though perhaps not with great style (he's still only 17/18 after all).or(b) he isn't sure that you two will still be together in August, not because he's mature/wise/cautious, but because emotionally he isn't there yet/anymore. I.e., it could be that he just isn't where you are. I think it is this possibility that scares you.The good news is, if the two of you are still having fun together now, and are affectionate and attracted and kind to each other, then that's what matters. If you two were married and he never wanted to talk about kids, that would be a problem. But after 2 months of dating, making plans for 6-7 months out isn't something that you are necessarily "supposed" to do, even if you would feel more emotionally secure if he did.This part of the relationship is about getting to know each other not as friends but as potential partners. The rules are different (for example, it's easier to protect your friends from hurt, as this rarely requires the emotional sacrifice of protecting lovers). It's also the time to work on tuning your radar - the part that detects something is a little off, and learns what to make (or not) of it. It's a good thing you noticed this, but you probably won't know what it means for some time. Keep an eye out, enjoy the relationship, don't sabotage it through worrying, and don't just ignore little potential signs like these if they start painting you a bigger picture.Oh, and it is also okay (if seeming scary) to ask him something along the lines of "remember when i asked you about the prom thing? i could tell you weren't super enthusiastic. i was wondering, did that seem like taking things a little too quick, or are proms so not your thing? Just wondering." If both options sound like things that wouldn't hurt your feelings, and the pressure is low (you don't seem to have your heart hanging on the answer), he may feel safe to tell you what he was feeling. That's another great skill to learn - how to talk about things that might hurt your feelings with a partner. Takes practice.Good luck!
A
female
reader, shiraz *  +, writes (8 February 2009):
hiyah well it seems to me your not what you used to be and the new relationship you have is finally falling into place. your becoming used to each other so i know its strange but dont expect a lot off him! this sort of response is completely normal. hes trying to keep it cool and you want just that little bit more- this is normal! so many people fall into this and work there way through it but sometimes loosing there best mate on the way, however gaining a man! youve taken the risk and over the years have probably been through a lot together just talk to him- maybe mate to mate with a touch of gf-bf, you need the balance of the two you cannot just fall from one level to the next. this will be a real eye opener for you but with his help youll both come through it the other end- together. best of luck- enjoy your prom :) xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): Maybe you have taken that too seriously!! Tell him that it hurts you when how plays it in such a fashion. I think he might be too serious with you so that he doesn't want to mix up anything with what you have asked for. And honey enjoy your relationship. Hey I must confess I never had a relationship( i am neither rich nor handsome..anyway I can deal with it now). I understand that you wanted some advice from a experience guy but believe me if you have not tried to play too much with your words, my chances of being right are quite high!!Enjoy your relation....Wish u luck!!!
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