A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been seening a wonderful man for over 3 years. We were engaged briefly last year but he just couldn't commit. I was very confused last Christmas because I decided to accept that we were never going to marry and told him so, he seemed really hurt by my comment. Then he gave me an engagement ring? That was in 2009 and a few months later he called everything off. I was devestated and really love him but I'm ready to marry him. We have had "the talk" many times and it always ends with "I will marry you, I'm just not ready yet". Though several times over the last months I have told him I was coming to the "end of my rope" and painful as it is will accept that maybe he will never change and is happy to date for this day forward. That's just not enough for me. This week I have rarely slept and can't stop crying because I knew it was time to let him go. I love him so much and I know he loves me and I wish I didn't need to marry him but.... So last night I told him that I needed the commitment and I knew he did not so I was letting him go. He was so sad. We cried for hours. He never said anything but I could tell he was shocked? He just cried. When he left he just walked out with his head down. I sent him a message that I would always love him and I'm not mad at him and it was ok that he didn't want to marry me. He sent me a message and said he would always love me too and he was sorry that he just left but he couldn't say good bye. Then instead of letting it go, I sent another message trying to explain that we needed different things etc... What have I done, I'm so sad and I've made someone that I deeply love sad. I just didn't know what else to do and didn't want to waste anymore time waiting on the fantom proposal. What is he so afraid of that he is willing to leave and be in pain rather than marry me, and what was the ring about?
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broke up, christmas, engaged Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): If all you want is marriage then do not mix love and desperation. They are two entirely different things.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 I don't think I can improve on Birdy's advice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): I and my ex was just as you two were and i could never an still dont understand why he would rather be sad and hurt than be happy and sharing a life with someone whom you love deeply and completely compatiable with,having a near perfect relationship and what you both feel is beyond words yet he wont marry you,i cannot find an answer as there is no answer
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 People need different things at different ages. Often; people opt for companionship in their latter years - mainly because of the money and legal issues that they have spent a lifetime building. Family and pensions are also thrown in the mix. You are asking him for a Yes or No answer to a question that really has a lot more involved at his age. You should ask him what the real problem is. Perhaps his family isn't accepting - perhaps he wants a prenup - but you should really discuss the real reasons behind his reluctance; and if this isn't a matter that either are willing to be totally honest in discussing - marriage is a lot tougher than this...
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