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Why did he do this terrible things?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 1 April 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Let me list what what my ex did to me 2 months after the break up (he convinced me to start talking to him again after a personal tragedy. For the next two months (4 months after the break up):

Txted about how something reminded him of me

Txted pictures of him and I from when we were still together

Left me messages on my cell about random parts of his day and called me almost everyday

Putting up pictures on facebook (after we broke up) of pictures of me and my dog (from when we were still together)

Told me how he was happy the day before and day off our break-up and had one moment of weakness (the breakup) he regrets

He was willing to make the commute (he moved 2hrs away from me) to see me

He wanted me to get a vase so he could buy me flowers every month

Tried to hold my hand multiple times

Took me to dinner a few times

Sent me a birthday card

He invited me to the London Symphony Orchestra in Boston (I've been dying to go)

Reminded me that if the job I applied for in Boston has panned out we would still be together

That his plans was for me to move in with him (after he moved away from me) and meant it with all his heart

Told me he was thinking of us being together

Snuck into my bed when he was supposed to sleep on the couch wrapped his arms around me and told me "This feels right."

Insisted we keep visiting each other

He then told me to look at facebook because he put up more photos of my dog and I but instead he put up photos of him and some random girl grinding all over each other and messages on his wall about his friend bringing a girl for him to hookup with. I called to clarify all the stuff he did above where he announced cheerfully, "I don't want a girlfriend right now. But I'm still in love with you and I'll do whatever it takes for us to stay in contact." When I told him he had to stop sending me photos of him and I when we were still together he said, "But I enjoy looking at them. When I go through them on my phone I want to share that I'm happy and who else would care about these photos? I'm going to keep sending them if I feel like it." In regards to everything above he said, "I was trying to be your friend." When I let him know friends don't do that he said, "Well, I'm sorry. Everything I did was because of my emotions for you."

Oh, yeah my favorite. "I'll be coming back for you if I still feel like this in 2 years."

What the hell does "because of my emotions for you mean? Is this confusion or maliciousness?

View related questions: broke up, facebook, flowers, my ex

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A female reader, lola16182 Canada +, writes (1 April 2009):

The way he is talking is that he probably does still love you on some level...but he wants to see if there is anything better out there.

He is still contacting you, sending you pictures, being all sweet and stuff so that he keeps you on his leash, so to speak. He wants to make sure you don't get fed up and leave to go find someone else because if he can't find anything better he wants to make sure you are still around.

I might be wrong, I hope I am, but from what you say he is doing it is all textbook and points right towards what I'm saying.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I agree with all of you. I'm just devastated because we had such a wonderful relationship. The last month of it wasn't though. I didn't feel I deserved to be treated the way he was treating me. I guess maybe that is why its hurting even more. I ended it and wanted him to realize life without me wasn't so grand. I might have been able to stick it out but the things he was doing to me were humiliating and painful.

What he did to me after the break up was humiliating and painful as well. I'm still deeply in love with this Jerk. Its very hard.

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A female reader, Stayc63088 United States +, writes (1 January 2009):

Stayc63088 agony auntI think he is trying to keep you around with false hope while he does whatever he wants. I think also that he met up with this new skank and now decided he doesn't want a girlfriend and wants to mess around. And he's asking for you in 2 years?? He is cruel, he is an ass. He's stringing you along. He's knows what he is doing too so don't listen to that "I was trying to be your friend" bull. The fact is he can't send you whatever he wants. Block him if you want to. I'm not sure if you want to continue being his friend or not but I advise against it. He sounds kind of similar to my ex who would say we are star-crossed lovers then I would look on his myspace and he had pictures of him and another girl. His texts about how much he cared about me only hurt worse and so will your ex's texts/pictures. I would tell him you no longer want to talk to him, he is far from a good friend and you need to move on without the impression he loves you and wants you back. And trust me, it isn't love. Good luck.

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A female reader, alanna_HD United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2009):

alanna_HD agony auntIt sounds to me like this guy still thinks that there's something between you and him, or still a possibility for a future with you. He's being trying to remind you of how things once were between you both as a way to make you fall for him again, and flaunting woman in your face to make you jealous..this guy is clearly confused! You need to make sure that your making yourself clear..tell him exactly how you feel. I know that you probably want to sustain a relationship with him as a friend, but going out to dinner with him could be sending him all the wrong signals. Let him know that even though you appreciate that he still cares for you and values the time you spent togther, that his obsession with you is only hurting you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008):

He's a BUTT! Forget him!!!

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A male reader, roadman United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2008):

roadman agony auntSounds like he loves you..but also loves other women to!

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