A
female
age
30-35,
*craved Fin
writes:I have been seeing a guy for two months. The day he came over and was saying weird things he normally doesn’t say. We started cuddling and he said “i don’t know how you’re going to feel about this but ... i have love for you” then about 20 minutes later he said “I’m not going to let you go. I’m never letting you go” Then he asked me “are you going to leave me?” And i said “as long as you treat me right I’m not going anywhere”Before the night was over we ended up having sex and this is where i got weirded out. While having sex he begged me three time to finish inside of me and each time I said “no” then he said “ please i don’t want you to leave me”Later that night he kept grabbing my foot and putting my foot in his face and chest Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2020): This has nothing to do with borderline personality disorder, or the fear of losing you, it is about getting a big kick out of coming inside a woman without a condom and believing you have made them pregnant. None of which proves he is into you or wants you long term, it is very naive to assume so much.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2020): I have had clients (obviously men) who had a "thing" about impregnating women. One of them got in trouble because he kept asking women he did not know - the woman sitting next to him on a train, or bus, or coffee shop, if he could impregnate her. It had nothing to do with a relationship, love, friendship, seeing her again, trying to keep hold of her, he had no intention of seeing any of them again. He was weird, he needed a lot of therapy to straighten out. Think carefully and don't let the man make all of the decisions. You sound very weedy as though you believe you must say yes to everything a man asks of you!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 August 2020):
 I am not sure what's your question...
If you don't want him finishing inside you- simple !- then don't let him finish inside you, end of story.
" Just say no ". And if he makes you repeat " no " 3 times- get really mad, and ask him what part of " no " he did not understand the first time. Sexual boundaries neeed to be clearly set, clearly stated,- and respected with no fuss.
I take it that you have objections to him ejaculating inside you °without a condom ° ,right ? not just in general.
And so you °should° object - obviously. Birth control does not protect you from STDs, you've only met this guy 2 months ago, you barely know him, you don't know if he is monogamous, you have not talked about been exclusive , and you have not been tested for STDs. I bet you don't want him to " finish " inside, you'd be a fool to want it differently , as of now.
You sound though rather impressed and flattered by his cheesy remarks . Careful. Remember that some people
are perfectly ok with telling you whatever you want to hear, as long as that helps them to get what they want out of you. This guy may be so gushy because he really is smitten with you, or he may simply want to indulge his preference for riding bareback. Which, would explain , very simply, why he asked to finish etc.etc : because it feels much better ,duh, and lots of people prefer it that way. Another explanation would be that he is marking his territory, either just in a symbolic way, or... in a very practical way, trying to get you pregnant ( may he does not know that you are on birth control ? and anyway alas even the best birh control is not 100% failprof ).
As for the foot thing, I would not read too much into it. It's not that strange. Lovers like to play with each other's body part , don't they ? Uh that came out as something that Jack the Ripper could have said ,... but you know what I mean : using our five senses to explore another person's body is generally considered fun and fulfilling ( if we feel sexual attraction, obviously ).
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (25 August 2020):
 I have a question: why do you just keep repeating "I am using contraception but don't want him finishing inside me"? Do you want someone to ask why?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 August 2020):
 You don't OWE him to finish inside of you. But you would have a MUCH easier time of being in control if that if you kept condoms around and didn't have sex without your partner wearing one. It's just common sense to use a condom with a new partner REGARDLESS if you are on a birth control of sorts. Birth control pills/implants/IUD DO NOT protect from STD's.
More importantly, how are you not totally creeped out by his behavior?
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A
female
reader, Scraved Fin +, writes (24 August 2020):
Scraved Fin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am using a contraceptive but i still don’t want him finishing in me at all ...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2020): Please be very careful with this guy.
I agree with the red flags others have mentioned.
Even though some men believe that women want to hear how they will never let them go, what worries me is that he's so scared of you leaving him that he's ready to impregnate you after two months of dating by insisting on asking your permission.
My fear is that he's asking FOR NOW... what will happen when he gets really scared if you leaving him.
Google "borderline personality" and see what you get... maybe he fits the profile.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2020): You can make a compromise that he puts on a condom so no any possibility of STI or pregnancy can happen and nothing is left inside you. I would add if you don't like the guy you might just as well let him go. Why waste your or his time?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 August 2020):
I have to agree with YCNBS,
If he is ASKING to come inside you AND also keeps telling you not to leave him, it sounds like it is partly a "marking his territory" (your body) and partly in the "if she gets pregnant she won't leave me.
There are a few red flags here, OP
1. He doesn't RESPECT a no. You "begged" 3 times and you HAD to tell him NO again and again. He should have respected the FIRST no.
2. Saying stuff like "I’m not going to let you go. I’m never letting you go" after 2 months of dating IS creepy. It would make me worry that if you do end it he will stalk you. I mean what else can a person think about such a statement?
3. Even if you are on birth control he should STILL wear a condom. Or have you two BOTH taken STD tests? YOU can still GET an STD while on birth control. And you can pass one on.
4. He is moving WAY too fast. After 2 months saying those kind of things are just on the ridiculous side. Because he doesn't REALLY know you and you don't REALLY know him. It's not romantic. It sound like that old meme "overly attached GF"...
He sounds needy and clingy, somewhat creepy or cringy. Maybe he think that the whole "I’m not going to let you go. I’m never letting you go" is something the "Ladies" want to hear... If this had been a female saying those things, I think most guy wouldn't ASK ANYONE for advice they would run a mile!
Personally, I would tell him that he is being a BIT too intense and then to AVOID stalking I would slowly disengage.
Now, maybe some men and women LIKE that in a partner. For me it kind of scream insecurity, possessiveness and controlling which are all things I wouldn't want in a partner.
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A
female
reader, Scraved Fin +, writes (23 August 2020):
Scraved Fin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI’m on birth control but i still don’t want him finishing inside
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 August 2020):
I hope you used contraception but, sadly, it doesn't sound like it. He doesn't have to "finish inside you" to get you pregnant if you are not using any contraception. He is basically trying to make you pregnant so you won't be in a position to leave him. And that is how the abuse starts.
Get away while you have the chance. Get a pregnancy test and, if you are not pregnant, thank your lucky stars and stay away from him. If you are pregnant, make a decision based on bringing up the child as a single parent.
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