A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can't tell my boyfriend that I'm horny or that I want him because he acts shocked and says I'm so rude or obcessed with sex. Is that normal? He says he has a low sex drive, but is it normal to not even want to discuss anything sexual, like casually day to day? I just want to have fun and be flirty and suggestive, it gives me kicks n makes me feel sexy and womanly, but whenever I try he seems to be embarraced or not interested :(We do have a good sex life, its not as frequent as I'd like, it's maybe once a week - 2 weeks after being together 2.5 years. I'd like it every 2 - 4 days, but have learned to cope. But why can't we be more dirty and sexual? It's getting me down. I'm afraid to be myself. Like just now I wanted to say to him coz he's away, that I'm so horny and I miss him but I held back. Is this normal? Shouldn't we be able to discuss these things openly?Confused :s
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): Gaming! That explains it all. At work we have a fantastic IT guy. We all love him. He lives and breathes gaming. Should have married years ago. Loves girls, but has no time to take them out. So only girls he mixes with girls who are gamers.And then sets out to outsmart them gaming. He's even reconfigured his front living room at home so all his gamers can come over and spend a weekend gaming, with pizzas delivered. Seen photos! Pile empty pizza boxes on floor!Insane lifestyle! He works to pay for his love of gaming and so he can travel to meet up with others with his interests. Even if he goes on holidays (to a gaming venue) he travels with two laptops.Those photos of a gaming weekends at his place show - Asleep gamer with arms wrapped around lap tops. While other gamers continue.Maybe gamers should all live on a gaming island? Because they sure don't have much time for relationships that are non gaming related?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for your perspective. My experience in my last 2 relationships has really made me question and doubt myself, as you've seen. I do tend to think that it is me that has the problem, but its nice to read that other people think my attitudes to sex and sexuality are not abnormal or excessive. It's a relief really.
But again not much consolation to the sitauation I am in with a partner who has told me he'd rather never have sex again!
Yes he does spend too much time on a hobby. He is a massive gamer. I would say he's a gaming addict. He'd happily spend all day gaming if he didn't have to go to work. I know he'd rather game than have sex. I have wondered whether the gaming could affect his sex drive. As he is getting so much stimulation from games, he has little energy left for anything else.
Perhaps if I can find some published scholory evidence to back up my theory, he might actually believe me. But will he ever chose to stop gaming to keep me happy, or in fact, to keep me in his life? I guess we''ll find out...
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): It is a great pity that you are being put into a position where you are missing out on one of the world's greatest pleasures.
There is nothing wrong with you at all.
Do not blame yourself for his narrow attitude to sex. Does he spend too much time on a hobby? Smoke or drink too much - those two things can adversely affect sex drives. Is he overloaded with responsibilities in some way? Does he work too hard? Is he too stressed at work? He certainly does need to loosen up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhmm that could explain it. I am quite rude really. I enjoy talking openly about how much I enjoy sex, want sex and I talk about masturbation. I make graphic and suggestive jokes. But I do feel this may scare guys. Do you think that's possible?
But this is part of my personality. I don't want to change really. I just want my boyfriend to do more of that, taking charge, throwing me down on the bed and having his wicked way with me stuff.
I just don't know how to let him take the lead. He just doesn't do it often as he doesn't want sex often. I've tried holding back, really I have. But sometimes when I'm drunk I try to initiate but he gets so angry and defensive.
Man it's hard because I do love this guy. It's just not fair! He's so wonderful but so difficult in bed. I really feel as though I'm missing out, WE'RE missing out. When I think of all the fun we could be having, but be rarely do. I have so much to give.
Perhaps I really am just undesirable. Perhaps men really only do fine one type of woman sexually attractive these days. Perhaps my open desire for sex is a major turn off. Perhaps I have just been meeting the wrong guys. Perhaps there really are guys out there who would like sex every day like me, and to try many things like outdoors, bondage etc. Me are supposed to be more sexual than women. SO why do my boyfriends only want it once a week/fortnight? My last ex was the same! Geez I really know how to pick em. Or is it me?
Is a good sex life too much to want from a relationship?
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female
reader, happy68 +, writes (21 January 2011):
i am 43 my boyfriend is 36 he has had numerous partners i havnt when we first met he thought i was a square in bed (before he slept with me) now 8months on he cant handle me he used to be very dirty now he says he wants to just love me i miss our filthy dirty sexual encounters which i miss. i think women cant be seen as taking the lead and men need to feel they are in control of all situations. think women need to be a bit cunning and manipulative in this circumstance let them think they are suggesting
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Your sex drives obviously don't match, and that can be a problem. I mean, even you wanting sex every 2- 4 days isn't a lot to ask if I'm honest, you're hardly obsessed with sex. He's sex drive is just very low. Once a week - 2 weeks is not a lot at all.
It's up to you whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who can't satisfy you 100% sexually.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): You should be able to talk to him about your sexual needs, you should be able to be flirty and suggestive when you want to be. And you definately should be able to talk to him about things sexual,day to day as the need arises. If you cant because he thinks its 'dirty' and he actively discourages you by making cutting remarks aimed at putting you off, then hes sexually repressed and trying to make you comform to his ways. Thats not fair and makes him rather controlling. We all like to feel desired. And hes lucky you want to express how much you desire him! But if you are being knocked back for voicing your thoughts. And hes not telling you how much he desires you, then hes got issues. Try talking to him about why he feels its 'dirty' to express sexual desire for you. Be patient and encourage him to talk and you might learn why he has problems with being sexually expressive.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Tempt him, by flirting (ALOT). Flirt with others while hes watching so he gets real horney:D
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female
reader, golddigger99  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 I don't know that that's a normal sex life, 1-2 times every 1-2 weeks. My husband and I are a lot more active than that. We have sex about 5 times a week after being together for 6 years. I agree with another post, that it's normal to have one partner with a higher sex drive in a relationship, but I always thought it was the male.
You should definately be able to be open and talk about whatever bothers you with your boyfriend--especially sex. If he can't please you both mentally and sexually, then are you truely happy with your relationship?
My advise to you is reconsider the aspects that keep you in that relationship and whether or not it is worth what you are not getting. If the answer outweighs the consequences, then good luck! If not, grab your things and move on to another fish in the sea. You are young and have plenty of time to figure thigns out.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): You don't sound sexually compatible. This is likely to be a serious problem. Yes, you need to be able to be 100% of yourself, or its only going to get worse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): You have been together 2.5 years and he still has not relaxed enough to enjoy it as much as he could? His low sex drive may be a factor. Is he around your age? Or even if he's 30 he should not need to be acting like an arthritic 90 year old whose mojo is no more.
Who did such a good job on him that he's become Mr Prudish? Remind him that he is on this world because a man and a woman enjoyed making love 9 months before he was born. As is the
case for mose people in the world.
Normally it is the guy who slowly awakens a woman to the full delights of lovemaking. But in this instance I think it is you who will need to slowly awaken desire in him. Although I suspect you have already tried.
Good sex is so much fun and so enjoyable that it is a pity he has to pour iced water on all your efforts.
I can't help, when these questions come up, of thinking of this poor girl I once worked with, with an indifferent spouse. She jumped through hoops trying to think up outings and treats that might entice her guy to be more 'enthusiastic'. Her guy would have died if he'd known she'd talked about it, but it was so obvious that it distressed her. She introduced her guy to us all once at a work function. In a word he was a picky snob, He looked like he'd swallowed lemons - his superior attitude was such that he looked down on all of us at that table, with such a disapproving face. And I can just imagine him saying no to her. Life is too short to not enjoy making love. He couldn't help but be snobby to us. But we all knew he was 'mr once a month,' at best.
Of course you should be able to discuss openly all these things. Of course you should be able to tell him how horny you feel and that you miss him. Other than frequency of the sex you don't seem too bothered with other aspects of him. So there is lots of hope there. Work on him slowly, to see if you can re-awaken the sleeping serpent on all the other days in the week.
I do think you love him, so this problem needs to be resolved, if possible.
But if in another 12 months he is still so indifferent to increasing the frequency, then maybe it may be necessary to reassess the shortfalls and the benefits in this relationship? Perhaps you could get some couples counselling to explore how else you could resolve these issues together?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): He might have a bad childhood, or some thing happened in his childhood disturb him still. consult a good doctor can solve this problem, i feel sorry for you, if its possible i can be your boyfriend !!!!
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Ultimately you are holding back from being yourself, frightened to say anything suggestive incase you upset him, and thats not healthy for any relationship. Its normal in a relationship sometimes to have one person who has got a higher sex drive than the other. I feel that this is something that you have got to get together with him and have a one to one. Stress how you feel, about not being able to talk dirty, and sexual, to the amount of times you are having sex. Take this approach and see how it goes, you may even find things get better. But if they don't and things are not changing and you feel unhappy with it, maybe it might be time to call it a day.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, EPocket  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 if ur mate isnt the one to be this way with ,, who will u be with !!!
nothing wrong abt you :) maybe its his life experience or childhood or could be count to many othe reasons .
if u just want the guy the normal is to be as FREE as u can without any ties ..
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