A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi... This past Friday my BF was suppose to come over for dinner. When I texted him suggestions on what to make for dinner, he texted back saying: "I might not be able to come - My daughter has a baseball game and I thought it was canceled because of the weather, but I don't know yet. Let's play it by ear." I imedaitely thought to myself - he's either playing hard-to-get and wanting to be on stand-by for him and playing games.. My reaction was to say: "Most likely it won't be canceled because the weather has gotten so much better - It's okay, enjoy the game with yor daughter and we'll do it another night... I was invited to a coworker's bday party at her house and so I think i'll go to that while you're at the game.." I wanted to put myself in a win-win situation - if he was playing games, I wanted it to back fire on him and he was genuine I wnated to have a nice-n-easy attitude. I told him I would text him when I returned from the party so he wouldn'y worry about me being safe. He agreed.. When I texted him later that night I told him I missed him and he said "me too", then I asked "how was the game?" and he did not answer, I asked him again and no answer.. And so I said, "well, I guess you're not in the mood for texting and so good night - sweet dreams" and he still didn't respond... WHY?? The next morning I texted him asking "hey, baby are you mad at me - why the silent treatment - i don't get it", and he simply said: no, at work.." I got mad at this point, but still kept my cool and texted back: "I was talking about last night - why did you not answer me about your daughter's game or text goodnight back - Never mind baby..." He then texted back a quick "the game was fine" and that was it! I did not text him back at all and thn received a text from him at 5ish that afternoon asking me "how are you" and I had a light hearted response. Then he texted: "k watching game" (Big game for the Falcons) and i simply texted back "k enjoy" and we haven't texted each other since and that was yesterday afternoon. Can someine please explain how they would've done in my shoes and how they would proceed form this moment on, plllleeeaaasssee? Is he playing games??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Wow. I read this and I could've written nearly the same story verbatum about my own situation.Same thing - 5 month relationship with 30 something single dad with a daughter, very open and honest and verbally affectionate without any coersion ;) We text as our main communication the nights he has his daughter after she's gone to bed, every AM to say good morning even on days we see each other.Suddenly, the affection is gone. Noteably absent. I can't think of a catalyst that caused it, so it's drivng me crazy. In reality, I suspect that he just doesn't feel the same in his heart (perhaps as me being involved in his and his daughter's life), so he's "giving it a chance, but is slowly working his way out".Thank you VERY much for the posts. I knew that I was overreacting and acting needy but couldn't really face that until I read the posts. I'm paranoid because we've had a very fast relationship so I know this is what normally happens - complacency and relaxing into different roles at more progressive stages of the relationship. I.E., the man gets lazy with complements and trying to hard to woo you, and you also relax and start to slack off from presenting yourself as the perfect catch.What you all said really rang true. I used to play it cool, but because of the nature of previous relationships, I'm not used of thinking about how much harder living a duality can be (dad and boyfriend). We've had a few serious talks and we both felt we need to talk to each other when there is something wrong, so I have to trust that if there is something wrong that he will talk to me about it. We're grown adults, so he's not going to be a childish passive aggressive person when it comes to working on, or ending, a relationship.So trust in your union and the openness you do have with each other. If there's a problem, it will present itself. We just have to stop creating problems out of thin air.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 hi
sorry to say - you're acting a bit clingy and high maintenance. chill out a bit and let him do some of the texting first, that way if he texts you'll know he is interested.. and if he doesn't: you'll know that he's not.
i am guessing its a new relationship? let things develop in their own time instead of pushing it along like this. you are not teenagers! :)
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): So this is your boyfriend but you haven't seen him all weekend? Just a few texts and most he didn't respond to? You may want to really assess whether you are in a relationship or not. Most couples free up the weekends for each other and if it's dwiddled down to a few texts here and there then that is a very bad sign. Men don't play hard to get either...they either want to be near you or they don't. How much time do you spend together?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 How old are you? And why does it seem your only way of communication in this relationship is through texting? And why on earth do you think grown-up people are playing games?
Be strict and honest from now on unless you want him to believe you're a drama queen. How long have you been together? You don't sound like you know him at all, perhaps next time you meet you get to know your boyfriend a little better so you will know if he's a game player or an honest man. Then you won't have to wonder what he's up to all the time!
As for now though... things sound normal. Not everyone enjoys texting, and it's impossible to know what caused him to not text back unless you SPEAK to him in person. First off he might not even like to text. Second there could have been thinks he didn't want to text, so you've missed out on information. Third, maybe something came up and he forgot to reply. Fourth, maybe the text never arrived, sometimes it happens, or a new text came before he got around to replying and so forgot about it, or someone called, or something happened that caused him to forget.... It's just a text though! It's not like he stood you up for an important date, he just didn't reply to a text.
I think things look fine, just talk to him in person next time and let this text-thing slide.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 January 2011):
And yes, as the other suggest, call him and be relaxed about it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 January 2011):
I'm afraid I think you've blown this well out of proportion.
He has a daughter, and when he said he may have to watch her game, the first thing you thought was "he's playing games" - Why?
The second thing you did was lie to him, then play a game yourself "a win, win situation" as you said, and wanting his 'game' to backfire on him. Again, why?
Then later, just because he didn't reply, you got kind of mad and accused him of not wanting to talk.
The next day you accused him of giving you the silent treatment. Then even when he said he was at work, you got mad that he didn't reply. finally, when he did reply, you were the one who effectively game him the silent treatment by not engaging in conversation.
Now, unless he behaves like this all the time, then I'm afraid to say that you're the one who shot yourself in the foot here. I admit this his behaviour could be taken either way as a game or as truth, but you specifically went out of your way to believe he was playing a game, you then played a game of your own by lying (and maybe he knew that), and then got really worried and a little aggressive when he didn't reply immediately.
No offence, but you are coming across as really needy, and you're coming across as a woman who is very un-trusting and plays games of her own.
Why did you distrust him so much that you thought he was playing a game? Why did you play a game of your own? Why then finally when he had the time to talk, did you not talk to him?
If he has a daughter she must come first, and as his girlfriend you need to be supportive of that, and you need to trust that he's doing the right thing. If you can't trust him, or if he has behaved this way before, then look at the relationship and decide whether it's worth continuing. I even half wonder if he knew you were lying about going to your friends.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (16 January 2011):
 First off, his daughter should be #1. I think he might be miffed because you weren't waiting for him in case the plans fell through with his daughter. By putting you off, he is NOT playing games. While you had every right to change your plans that night, I wouldn't hold it against him. He is doing right by his daughter.
To be frank, you are too old to be playing "tit for tat" or head games with one another.
Either way, I'll repeat one of my mantras about "texting": It is an extremely poor way to communicate. You have no clue as to the feeling behind what is sent and meaning behind them. Texting is great for simple things "Going to be 10 mins late for dinner". Texting is the WORST way to communicate when you ask "Are you mad at me?"
I think this is the source of your problem -- you weren't able to pick up on verbal queues from one another and now you are both making assumptions about what the other person is thinking. A very poor way to communicate in my opinion.
The bottom line is you owe him a call to see what is going on, or at least a face to face meeting.
I also recommend you leave texting as a way of communicating to the high school kids.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (16 January 2011):
I have a suggestion...call him. So much is lost in the translation in e-mails and texts. I've experienced this where I've sent well-intentioned good-hearted emails that were taken the exact opposite of what I intended. There is no voice in a text or email, so the reader is at a bit of a disadvantage not having the benefit of vocal cues or facial expressions. I don't get the impression your bf is playing games. I do know that baseball games are very iffy with the weather. Even if the sun comes out, if the field is a mess the kids may not play. So, in many instances it is a waiting game right up until the last moment as to whether the game will go on. Don't let this turn into something it's not. Call him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Relax it's probably nothing, he might have just put his phone down and left in it in the corner on silent. Or did any number of things.
You're very quick to jump to conclusions in my opinion. Unless you suspect something for other reasons then there was no need to get so worked up about his daughters game. Of course he was going to go, it's his daughter he can't miss that. There was no need to react the way you did, it wasn't some game he was playing it was another commitment. But as I said if you have good reason to doubt him and are not just acting insecure then talk to him about it.
In my opinion though you completely over reacted, your texts about the silent treatment and did you do something wrong is a bit over the top in my opinion. No offence but you kind of come across as needy, judging on your reaction to him cancelling plans and to him not texting back.
You seriously need to relax, not just pretend to relax or act cool but actually chill out a bit. It sucks that he had to cancel but it happens.
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A
female
reader, Outspoken1016 +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Why do you think he is lying to you dear. All you that you wrote could very well be truth. I know that as women we always assume men are lying when we do not get the attention we seek. However that is not always the case. Look at the facts he worked yesterday and he texted you around 5 when he would have got off. And if he had to work saturday friday when he didnt answer you he could have been sleeping. Its attention your seeking and I dont know how long you have been dating yet your past is not his fault. Trust him until he proves otherwise. Think with your heart not your head. Good Luck
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