A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does actions truly speak louder than words. Ive being in a relationship for 4 months he is older than me. I dont see him alot even though we live really close to each other. We go out for meals and to the cinema and stayed in a hotel after a night out. He is really nice to me we get on well together. We did hve a break up for a day a fortnight ago which he said he regretted.The thing is he tells me how much he loves me and misses me and how im the one and hopes i dont go off with anyone else as he paranoid about this because of the age difference. He tells me all the right things but I dont see him that often! He hardly ever makes plans to see me or its just on the night when he txts me and asks if I want to go out. I know he has a busy job but when we do go out its for a couple of hours. I never see him through the day and very rare on weekends. I must admit I dont ask to see him either as I have being turned a couple of times although i did ask him on Friday and we did go out.His family does not know about me even though we live in a small vilage. I know its not just a sex thing or that he has anyone else even though he does add a lot of girls on facebook most nights which slightly concerns me. He doesnt go out with friends either as they are all married with families.I feel that he does truly like me but he cant seem to commit to this relationship the way I want to.Can anyone please help me out on this one?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the good advice. He said last night, we needed a heart to heart. He told me his feelings had changed for me over the last 3 weeks and I have noticed that. He said he is going to commit to this and spend more time with. I never approached the subject he brought it up.
I am going to see if he is true to his word as see if he does not step up to the mark. Otherwise, I will walk away from him, as I am not that pathetic to put up with him anymore. We are going out tonight and on Sunday through the day.
Thank you ladies for all your good advice I just needed someone older and more experienced in life to give me some much needed advice.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): So, another long follow-up from you in which you basically agree with, and acknowledge, all that is wrong with this relationship. You can see it for yourself. Take a deep breath, summon up your courage and move on. You deserve to be loved and respected, you get neither from this man.
Stop wasting your time worrying about it all and trying to work it all out. You can do neither of these because he is constantly messing with your head and your heart.
If you don't make a stand now you will set the pattern for every relationship you might ever have. Stop being used - walk away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you again for the answers. Guess what, I never saw him again last night. He told me he was going to see about a job, and he was in the house from 7 o clock as his car was at home, but did i want to do something tonight. Obviously I agreed to see him as I havent seen him all week.
When I am with him I do feel like I am the 'one' and I do beleive he loves me. I want to say I love him back but I am not in love with him as I dont see him enough for these feelings to come into it.
I am really fed up and sick of this situation I have never being treat like this before. I feel rejected all the time.
I have talked to him on numerous occassions about seeing him more but he just scrambles my head with different excuses and words.
It does upset me that he keeps me a secret from his family, thats why it feels likes he is a married man. I must admit he doesnt really get on with his mother and never has and his family are not well liked where we live. The family are all quite hot headed! But if he loves me the way he says he does and wants to be with me then he should want to show me off. Even though I think his family would say something about me being 19 and probably give him some greif about this, but he is 26 and shouldnt let this bother him.
I just dont know what to do anymore but I know this guy is getting me down. I know I want to say are you going to commit to this relationship but I know he would just blag my head with stuff again. Anymore advice ladies its much appreciated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): Yes, yes, yes, you are wasting your time!I read your follow-up response and I could have wept. He had a bad day at work, so instead of coming to see you, he went to the pub ... mature. And you are too scared to ask him about it in case he "kicks off"?!So, okay, he's not married, well three cheers for that, at least.This guy is immature and selfish. I was in a relationship when I was 17 with a guy aged 23. I would only hear from him when it suited him, he lifted me and dropped me like a toy. Run for your life or you'll have no life!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the good answers. No hes defo not married. He lives with his gran! Ive only being to his house and stayed there when his gran was in hospital. All my friends know about him and have met him and he has being to my house 3 times and briefly met my parents.
He tells me he wants 'me so bad' and text me last night saying he loves me and I said it back then he said do you mean that.
To Analisa, I know exactly what you mean, ive being in 2 relationships and by now being totally in love with them and had the guys falling at my feet.
He hasnt being in a relationship for well over a year and half and he did live with this girl for a while and he told me that he was 'made a fool of with her'.
The last time I saw him was on Friday and I still havent seen him. I was hoping to see him last night but he text me and said he had a bad day at work and went to our local pub for the night. I didn even dare ask him last night when I was going to see him incase he kicked off.
We are both scared of getting hurt and I will admit that but I just dont get this guy at all. Its like he wants this relationship but cant commit to it.
Does any of you think I am wasting my time? I am 19 and he is 26 btw.
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A
male
reader, uncle bob  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 "Congratulations", you've become a TOY!
I'll just take her off the shelf when I want to play, then put her away once I'm satisfied, GOODY FOR ME!
First off, dump his lying, calculating, sorry ass,
and start working on your self esteem.
The only thing your ever going to get from this guy is "abuse". He shows absolutely no respect for you, and the day will come when he just tosses you aside like an old shoe.
I think, deep down, you know you deserve better treatment than this.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 sorry but my first thought is that he's Married.
and that you are FWB even if he's not.
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A
female
reader, almc +, writes (8 March 2011):
Have you ever been to his house?? Why you staying in hotels?? Why not your house or his??? The way it sounds, that none of your friends and his, know about you guys.... And I think he might have another women... Hotels??? Why not his house and his bed?? Or going to his place and relax, watching tv, playing cards, stay in??? I don't know but I would find out if he has another women..... Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): Is he married? Why doesn't his family know about you? You are his secret. You are right to be concerned about his activity on Facebook. He's not going to commit to you (or anyone, I imagine) because you make yourself available to him whenever he wants.
The situation, I feel confident, suits him perfectly.
You are a young woman, you deserve better than this. Forget this older man, your future does not lie with him.
I wish you a happy, healthy and peaceful life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): Are you sure that he is not married? With you not spending time together on weekends and only staying at hotels that would be a RED FLAG for me.
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