A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been going out with my boyfriend for 21 months hes 45 I'm 44 I'm divorced, he never married no kids. Last year after a scuffle and a very emotional deep conversation he mentioned that the only reason he never said I love you is because he isn't there yet... the conversation was about how vested he was in us, he says he is in it for the long haul. My question is do you think he just cant say it? early in our relationship he said he NEVER said I love you to anyone...I have keys to hi house and are pretty close, i guess i am a bit old fashioned I believe the man should say it first as he reacted unfavorably early in the relationship to any words such as I miss you,...so maybe he is emotionally slower than others? everything i good in the relationship it just bugs me that if he isn't in love then whats he doing??? I know some of you will say just ask, or just tell him you love him, sorry but i wont its not a game its about knowing the strength of this relationship...so whaddya think? Could it be he likes me lots but honestly isn't there yet? thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your wonderful insight, yes his actions are wonderful, fantastic, loving, always there for me, always supportive and loving, just not getting the words, not any mushy type words he only recently aid "i miss you" once in 2 yrs lol and it was glazed over ...hes not a big talker nor an emotional type but warm and affectionate. i guess im just such a girl i am not sure why the words mean so much, i mean i guess you could say if they didnt mean anything men would say it all the time so i would have to assume that they too understand the importance and the weight of these words...just a little annoying not to hear those words. thanks for your advice and insight i will keep you posted
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 January 2013):
 I'm not quite in concurrance with my other Aunts and Uncles on this one.....
IF a partner refuses to say "I love you...."....and doesn't not do something/anything to exhibit that they love you... then you may reasonably conclude that they DON'T love you.......
It's not something sinister... it's just a matter that SOME PEOPLE REFUSE TO LOVE OTHERS!!!!
I've been in such a predicament - for an embarrassingly long time! - and it took me all of that time (I mean YEARS, not WEEKS or MONTHS!)....to realize that I was wasting my time having and being in-love with this woman, whilest she was - clearly, in hindsight - rather luke-warm about me....
Make your decision.... then stick to it.... Part ways, if you must.... or decide if you are content to live in a "loveless" relationship....
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A
male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (24 January 2013):
It could be he's just one of those guys who finds it hard to say something as emotional as "I love you" or it could be he feels he doesn't need to and that his actions are stronger than his words. Perhaps he is even scared to say I love you, for guys in general it's a big thing to say that even if they do actually love the person.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 I agree with Cindy... take more notice of his actions rather than his words because they are a truer indication of how he feels about you.
If your a smart woman you will try and see how some people just cannot say the words 'I love you' because for some people they have no meaning...showing someone with actions is more effective.
Ok so you are an old fashioned girl and want to hear him but getting upset or sulky about one point of issue might cause more damage than him NOT saying what you want to hear.
I was married for 19 years and my husband only told me he loved me three times...some people just cannot say it...that's the bottom line.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 Well, yes, it could be that he likes you a lot but honestly isn't there yet. And there are quite a few people who can, and will, stay in a relationship without feeling the " butterflies in the stomach, OMG I am in love " sensation, and without needing or missing it. Particularly from your age on.
Then again, if he is a type that never said " I love you " to any woman in his life, and does not do well in general with verbalizing his emotions, - then that's who he is , I don't think he is going to change now, and to find out if he loves you you'll have to go by his actions, the way he treats you, the things he does for you, etc.etc.- which is always a good method anyway .
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 January 2013):
There's nothing you can do about it except to understand that some people simply cannot say "I love you".
It doesn't mean he doesn't feel as strongly as you do. It doesn't mean any of the bad things you might be thinking, and him not saying it doesn't mean you don't have a strong relationship.
Maybe it makes him feel vulnerable, who knows?
I dated a girl like that and I said it once to her and got back "thanks" in return. She had had a hard life and so I never said it again and either did she. We were together for a year and I FELT a ton of love for and from her, but had to accept that I wouldn't hear the word.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): If you refuse to play games as you say, then why are you balking at saying "I love you " to him just cos you want him to say it first? That is playing games.Be direct and be honest. Tell him you love him but do not pressure him to say it back. Just do it to express yourself and let him know how you feel, no games. If he doesn't say it back then so be it. Figure out if he is on the same page as you as far as the future. Don't be hung up on what "I love you " means to him versus to you. I have a hard time saying it too because in my past marriage it was taken out of context and held against me. I now feel that if I were to say it, all of a sudden the relationship will change because the other person will have a totally diffferent expectation of me. That's why I have a hard time saying it because I honestly have trepidations about it causing consequences. But if you are ready to say it but feel he should and because he isn't that's why you're not then that is playing games. Games lead to more games and uncertainty.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): After that long of a time, either he loves you already or he never will. Some men have a hard time expressing their feelings. I don't understand why but I think they feel vulnerable admitting that they love you or miss you. I had a boyfriend like that once ... if you want him to know that you love him you'll have to be the 1st one to say it. Just realize that, even though he loves you, he may never be comfortable saying so.
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