A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am having a affair with a married man at work. I see him at least once a week when he comes into work in the AM, which is when we have sex, before I go home to my boyfriend of 15 years, who I really do love. The man I am having the affair with has been married 3 times, with the current wife(who also works at the same company)pregnant.His last 2 marriages where "open" relationships, this one is not. Yet he still pursued me and I accepted. I don't love him or even really like him, but find myself not being able to stop having sex with him!! I need some advice on how to be strong and stop this! What is wrong with me that I have no problem doing this to his current wife or my long time boyfriend?
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affair, at work, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, hmm...  +, writes (3 December 2007):
You should not try to look into consequences but reasons why is something happening. The reasons why is this satisfying and unsatisfying in the same time for you. try to see a bigger picture: what are the things in life you appreciate? what would you like to have for yourself in relationship with people an with men? Is your current relationship satisfying as you say? Would you like to experience something deeper and get closer?Once you have answers on theese questions it will be easier to solve this pattern in behavior. You can stop sexual relationship with this man but if the problem is not solved the other man will appear.good luck.
A
female
reader, kirsty_29  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 Okay, I'm going all out blunt on this one. You want to know what is wrong with you, you are selfish that's whats wrong, and apparently do not care what sort of agony you cause anyone else. It's all about you right now and your own gratification, also self destructive behavior. This is a problem, and a serious one at that.You need to start being honest and have a long look at yourself and this guy as well. How does it make you feel to go home to your man and share the same bed and space, and (I'm assuming you are still intimate with him)have sex with him after having someone elses thing in you? I'm extremely curious as to how you say you LOVE your boyfriend...How does that work exactly?It sounds like you are not capable of loving at this point. It sounds like you are a very confused person. Love does not include having sex with someone else and hiding that. Love does include respect and honesty, none of which I see in your post.As for the guy you are doing on the side, he's obviously a repeat cheater with commitment issues, out for his own pleasure no matter who it hurts and unfortunately that last part describes you as well... and a pregnant wife to boot who works at the same place. How cold and harsh is that?As for being strong, it's got nothing to do with it, it's about learning to love and respect yourself and others first, which cannot possibly be in place according to your actions.Give your head a shake and start doing the right thing, tell him that it's over, and perhaps it might be a good idea to be honest with your boyfriend about what you've done. Doesn't he deserve the truth? Would you expect anything less? How do you sleep at night, with that weighing on you?You need to ask yourself, how??? why?? It's not too late to start working on issues, and from your post you've definitely got some.I'm not trying to come off as mean spirited here, but you've asked for a response and this is it, this is reality and this is somebody being real with you. Take from this what you will. If you don't want this anymore then make that change and deal with your issues. I seriously do hope you get yourself on the right track. Take Care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): you like having sex with him thats normal you may just like how it feel just tell him that you want to stop because he has a wife and you have a loving boyfriend that you love very much and you don't want to keep having sex with him that its just going to ruin both of our relationships.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): What would happen if you two were caught? Both sacked and it all out in the open, because something like that cannot be keep quiet about. You stupid fool! You have a bloke who you have been with for 15 years, he is married to his third wife and she is pregnant. I am sorry but i havent got the answer you want to hear. You are pathetic!
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (1 December 2007):
 I have to stress also how wrong this behaviuor on moral grounds. And it is extremely risky in every respect to have sex at office. And his wife works at the same office which makes the situation even more risky and may be because of this more pleasurable for you two both because of the excitement out of risks involved.You dont talk about how good sex with your boyfriend. May be you dont have it with him and you just satisfy your needs with this man, and he takes advantage of your weakness and of course vice versa. So you say you dont like him but you do not say whether you enjoy the sex. I think you do.You have already went far enough. The first thing you have to do is, of course, be honest to fair to your boyfriend and quit this relationship. You have no right not to tell him and continue this long time relationship. But if you tell him it will probably devastate him so dont tell him just go away from him. And the love you have towards your boyfriend is the love we know anyway. It is not the kind of love you feel towards your best friend. It is kind of love which also means loyalty which you do not abide by.May be you are not with you will stop the sex at the office, when boyfriend is not around.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (1 December 2007):
 I am afraid I must question your sense of morals here.
Not to mention the position in which you have put yourself.
You must ask yourself what you are getting out of either relationship.
You are having an affair with a married man that you don't like?!
In the first place what kind of a man does this tell you he is? Certainly not committed and definitely not trustworthy.
And as far as the relationship with your boyfriend, why have you not married him yet. Is it just that he is someone that is afraid of commitment.
Oops, if this is true could you be getting wrapped up with the wrong guys? It looks like a pattern is developing here.
You may need to flush the entire situation and find someone that wants to commit to you and that you want to commit to. Doc
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A
female
reader, betterdays2come  +, writes (1 December 2007):
to me, you are missing something from your life. You probably have low self esteem and this sexual relationship gives you a feeling of being wanted.try to keep away from him. think of how you will feel if your boyfriend finds out and how hurt he will be - also think of the new child which is on its way.keep in a place where there are other people at all times - the longer you stop it the easier it will be, the first time to say no is usually the hardest
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): you want to be bad. just stop it, JUST STOP IT. that's the only way to stop if. do it before it blows up in your face.
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