A
female
age
30-35,
*issAnnonimus
writes:I have been with my bf 4 2 years.We re from different countries,met on vacation and choose to be in relationship on distance.That was love at first sight...Our relationship was perfect and he was the best bf...he was coming to me every 2 weeks,and buying tickets cause he s the one having job and i m on my studies.But lately we started having more and more arguments.He s more nervous and more easily get annoyed.We usually argue cause of me getting annoyed of him working too much,cause he was always working a lot but now its extreme...he can work up to 18 h a day or more,but usually its around 12....and then even when he comes home he has some assignments to do and sell some things on internet and i get bothered cause i m waiting 4 him all day and when he finally comes from work and we talk on msn he does all other different things :O And i also think thats not healthy 4 him but he just doesnt see that!And i know that he really minds arguments and i also do but i see that as normal phase of relationship and point were we re now...Last thing he told me is that he wants a break...i of course exploded and told him that he doesnt love me and that he is not interested in me anymore and he got so annoyed when i said that and told me like i dont want to have anything more with u if u re after 2 years doubting in my love and dont see all i do 4 u...I also said that while he puts us on break i can meet another guy that will know how to treat me and he EXPLODED omg i never saw him like that!He says that i dont understand him,cause he works all day and when he comes home all he do is talk with me and dont do anything 4 himself,that he needs space and air,that i m suffocating him and that he still loves me the most,that he does this 4 us cause its not good when one person is choking and all he wants is some time not to talk on msn so that he can do things 4 him,but everything else to be the same and still be in contact and in relationship!I see this selfish cause i think he always had space from my side and it was never a problem 4 him to do or go wherever he wants. All i see from this is bad,cause we re anyway far from each other,i dont get to see him,only on camera :( and i m dying from missing him,cant wait to see him,cant get enough of him and it sees that i m not interesting to him anymore :'(i m the one not doing anything 4 myself,just 4 him but i dont mind it!I love him so much and i dont know what to think.He says he hates when i think instead of him and make my own conclusions but thats just the way he makes me feel.I can notice that i m not anymore 1st place in his life,that he wouldnt still move mountains 4 me like before when he can say something like this,and work is now the most important thing even thought he s denying.When he thinks of more space he doesnt think of cutting his work but he does of cutting me :( First i thought he just got scared cause we were supposed to move in together this year finally after 2 years of torture and crying on airport,and he was earning money 4 buying a place 4 us but i dont know what to think anymore.He always say that he needs to work in order to come to me and that i cant complain cause i dont know what that is and what is to work but when i compare it to before i remember he used to tell me he would quit his work any sec if it affects our relationship and now it seems he s willing to let me go,lose what we have just in order to work like crazy and buy house which from recently he thinks its most important!And before he could talk with me on internet 4 24h....This hurts me so much,cause i dont want to lose him,we used to be so serious,we were talking about marriage and kids one day and i was,i am 100% sure that he s the one even thought he changed lately.I get so affected by this,i cant sleep,i lost weight,i cant do anything and i even had arrhythmia after some arguments and almost a nervous break down!i felt like my world is falling appart :'(I dont know what i did 4 him to cool off cause i gave 110% of me in this relationship,gave up my male friends and everything he didnt like(cause he had a jealousy issue)...but maybe it seems that thats the problem,cause i was so good gf and just too into him.And i m not the nagging tipe,we always talk about everything...But on other side he still go crazy when i put on dress which he fins inappropriate or when i told him that i ll start modeling,or when he thinks that i m alone here surrounded by guys...and last time he was with me,2 weeks ago,he was perfect,loving me and all!He still has days when he s wonderful but i dont know what to do,cause like i said he changed so much lately and its killing me.What should i do?i m freaked out?Last thing i want is to lose him?but i dont want him to feel like i cant do it without him and that i m desperate(cause i think he does feel like that) even thought we always were telling each other everything and being best friends to each other and biggest support.I just hope that this is a period and that i ll get back my old relationship and that we ll continue in the same direction as before :(My friends think that we just cant be without each other and that this is the point where we have to stop with distance and just get together cause distance is making us argue....but i dont think this it the the thing,cause he wants SPACE!So,any advice?Is this just a phase and or is it serious?maybe some of u have experience with ''break'' subject?and how to get him back when i see he s cooling off ?:( /3Thanks in advance
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a break, best friend, different countries, jealous, money, msn, needs space, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MissAnnonimus +, writes (10 June 2011):
MissAnnonimus is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you a lot,it really helps when i get advice like this ;)) I really hope that this is just a phase in our relationship and that after break he will be like before and that i ll get my old relationship back.
Tnx a looottt ;))
A
female
reader, bittersweetmemory  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 honey i do see how much this is affecting you and i totally understand how much you're hurt over this...
but if you listen to me then i think 2 years of long distance really affected the two of you
you know there are critical points in every relationship that come after a while..and ti's normal just that sometimes it kills the relationship..
i do know og my friend, she was in a relationship for 2 years with a guy NOT long distance and they started arguing and everything for about 3-4 months and eventually ended the relationship..they broke up she date a few guys and after they got back together and now are still together happily...
i don't think your bf is not loving you anymore or that he is not putting you as a priority in his life..i just think that from all the work he gets exhausted, he feels down and stressed and he needs some time to relax...he keeps in his mind that he needs the work to keep the relationship working because of money matters and his fed up with all the responsability..he needs a break from it all..
he wants to have some time for himself at least not having to worry about not talking to you all the time and upsetting you..he hates your arguments just as much as you do...
in my opinion having a break which means talking less would do good to you..and yeah moving in together soon would do even better..
break will make him feel he needs you and misses you and also will give him some time for himself...and it even might be beneficial for you...so it will make the two of you appreciate the other one more
and if not then it wouldn't have worked out anyway...but i don't think that's the case here:)
i do believe you could use a little break as well..don't look at it as breaking up..just spending a little less time together :)
good luck for you two , keep your chin up, he loves you
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