A
female
age
30-35,
*ivejust2bJess
writes:Ok so this girl who is suppose to be my best friend told my boyfriend that i was cheating on him by sending naked photos to some other guy. Truth is, i wasnt cheating on him and yeah she did go through my phone and saw a picture of me in my bra but it was to my boyfriend. not someother guy. Also my boyfriend has trust issues when it comes to stories on cheating cause his ex cheated on him with a family member. how ever he did believe me, but there was a huge fight with him and her. me and my friend are ok now. but I dont know if i really want to keep her as a friend. She is two faced. She told my boyfriend that I was cheating and then turned to me and said she never said that. I know she did I saw the messages she sent him. Now she is saying that i shouldnt date him and that hes no good for me. but he makes me so happy and we are engaged. Should I break off the relationship or the friendship? We been friends since 8th grade. How can I change this so it is a win win for everyone? Help please =(
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best friend, bra , engaged, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Your boyfriend has done nothing wrong, in fact as he has trust issues I think he is being very strong about it all.
It may be worth telling your friend in as kind a way as you can that you know she is lying, and asking her why she did this.
Sounds to me like she is jealous and afraid of being left out in the cold. Maybe you could forgive her and do something friendly like helping her to find someone, or telling her, if applicable, where she is going wrong. But she also needs to be told that this kind of behaviour isn't acceptable and what you intend to do if she tries it again. You go back a long way so I hope you can resolve it.
A
female
reader, Sweety Pie  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Don't dump your boyfriend, he's done nothing wrong! I agree with other posters, is your friend into him? Maybe prewarn him about that.
As for your friend, she doesn't sound like a particularly nice person. You don't have to ditch her completly, but prehaps dont have her as a close friend, certainly don't trust her with any of your secrets etc.
I think thats the closest "win-win" your gonna get.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 June 2011):
 You can't pick your family but you sure as hell can pick your friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Please let this friendship go cause clearly this girl doesn't like you. How can she do that to her best friend cause I think that as a friend if there is something she knows about him that you don't know about she should tell you that. If this guy makes you happy then go for this relationship
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): You said you don't want to be her friend anymore because she's two-faced - so i think deep down you know that being friends with someone like this is not a good idea. I know it's tough to end a friendship with someone you've been friends with for years, but you have to ask yourself - what good do you gain from this friendship? A real friend wouldn't try to wreck your relationship or bring harm your way. So she is clearly not a good friend. If you stay in this friendship, you're only friends in theory, but not in practice where it really counts. Plus, you might be hunky-dory again, but you probably will never be able to trust her. Remember that before you can be friends with anyone, you have to be a best friend to yourself. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Simple... yes. Dump that friend. I couldn't trust a person like that!
It sounds like she fancies him and is making her moves, trying to turn you and your bf against each other, so she can be a snake and steal him right from under your nose!
I'm sorry I really don't see how it can be a win win. You've gotta trust your gut instinct.. personally from what you've told me this girl seems so dodge.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): It sounds to me like the friendship need some work done on it. At first, i thought that it was mere confusion that made her say that, but after you said she lied about saying these things and didn't even go to you first when she saw those pictures led me to believe maybe she was doing it intentionally. I would confront her about it, and decide from there whether or not the friendship should remain
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A
female
reader, based51  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 you either have to have such a serious talk with your friend that she stops all this crazy behaviour, or you dump her as a friend. The way you've told it, all the current pressure on your relationship with your boyfriend is coming from her, not him or you. She's telling lies to everyone and trying to convince you to leave him when he doesn't seem to have done anything to warrant the behaviour. Tell her that your relationship with your boyfriend is none of her damn business, and you don't care if she's just looking out for you, what you do with your life is up to you and you'd appreciate it if she didn't try to tell you what to do. And ask her what her problem is and why she's so interested in your relationship. Does this girl not have a relationship of her own? She should really only be giving you advice when you ask for it you know.
Stop this girl in her tracks before she ruins your life. If she doesn't accept your first warning and continues, then you're just going to have to tell her that if she doesn't butt out you can't be friends anymore because she's causing too much drama and destruction in your life. If she doesn't accept that warning then you know what you've got to do.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (10 June 2011):
 When I read your title the answer was easy, end friendship, but you've been friend for a long time, she's almost like a sister to you.
I don't understand why your best friend send messages to your boyfriend? To me is weird, but if its ok with you? Ok? She's definetly 2 face, liar. I don't know her intensions, is she jealous of you? Does she like your boyfriend? Is she jealous of the relationship? Who knows? But, something is not right, or she has trust issues... Keep boyfriend if you're happy and he makes you happy. Keep friend, but keep always one eye open. Once a liar, always a liar.
Don't feel pressure, you don't need to choose, keep everybody in your life, now you know the truth and just be careful in the future.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): I think you know the answer very well. Cut it all off with her, now! She is not worth one more day of friendship, and believe me she'd cause serious troubles for you in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Shes your best friend so you have obviously told her alot about your relationship with your boyfriend so i'l take it that she knows that he was cheated on before and has trust issues.. Is she single??
After reading this i think its pretty clear to say that shes jealous of your relationship, a real friend would be happy for you, not try and break you up and the fact that she is this spiteful and manipulative would serious make me say goodbye to your friendship, how can you ever trust her again and h=imagine how your Bf feels the fact that she tried to break you up and now your friends again.. She is putting a strain on your relationship and i don't think that this will be the end of her nastiness she seems determined to stir trouble between you, so if i was you i would not be spending anymore time with this girl , i would concentrate on my Fiance and your future together, best of luck to you :)
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Please, please, pleaaase let the friendship go.
This person is obviously manipulative and a liar. Knowing someone for a long time is no excuse to keep them around when they've done something like this. Give her the f**king boot.
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