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female
,
anonymous
writes: My spouse and I have been together since we were kids. I had just found out that he's been having an affair and he left me for her. I feel like I can't get over him. Why? What's wrong with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): because trust was shattered
A
male
reader, whitewater  +, writes (24 February 2010):
I am a guy and have been through this when my wife cheated on me and is living with the guy.A doctor told me this is one of the hardest things to deal with...a spouse cheating and it will take time to heal and move on..dont ever blame yourself for what has happened because nothing justifies cheating...there will be someone who will come along that will give you the love you deserve. I myself out of pure coincidence met a wonderful girl who has been through this to but is clearly not over her ex after three years and she is scarred...we have had a relationship over 9 months and I love her and treat her with absolute respect but she is stuck in that rut...her ex has been living with his new women for 3 yrs and had several other partners during their marriage yet she still seems to want to hang on..all I can do is be very patient and encourage her there is a much happier better life waiting for her all she has to do is make a conscience decision that the past is past and that she deserves much better..
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female
reader, sad1  +, writes (19 March 2009):
well my husband cheated also and i found out through email. he was having inappropriate conversations with the woman and he claims he was doing it to stay out of court with her i dont believe it. anyway he has a son with her i cant get over the child. he will be connected to her forever. he claimed he was not even in a relationship with the chic and she went and had his baby anyway. now its killing our marriage. im emotionally dead. i sleep and dream this situation and did i say im six months pregnant now,with our second child. i will never get over this, this is the ultimate betrayal
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): I have been with my husband for 15 years and he cheeted and is know living with her. Well I have learned that I do not want a man whom can behave in this maner. He says we are not compatible any more and as hard as it is he was right! I'm to good for his lying cheeting no integratie ass. I have to much dignitie and grace to allow him to ruin me. Keep your head high and remind yourself that you deserve to have someone love and treat you like you would love cherish them. I know it hurts alot every day but you my friend are better and stronger than letting him take your grace away!Charity
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): I had been with my husband for 15 years and he cheated and is know living with her. Well, I have learned that I do not want a man who can behave in this manner. He says we are not compatible any more and, as hard as it is, he was right! I'm to good for his lying, cheating, ungrateful ass. I have to much dignity and grace to allow him to ruin me. Keep your head high and remind yourself that you deserve to have someone love and treat you like you would love and cherish them. I know it hurts alot every day, but you, my friend, are better and stronger than letting him take your grace away!Charity
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): You will be okay i am so sorry . . . i can't say one bad thing about my fiance I love him he's great. Please keep chugging on. if he is great he is worth it; in the end :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007): It isn't easy to get over him because you loved him, probably still love him. you invested so much in that relationship, only to be deceived. you are probably going on and on thinking about the good times and the days/months when he was cheating on you, without you realising it. i have been through this recently, and can feel my heart breaking each time the memories come back. but what can anyone do? love cannot be demanded or wished back in someone's heart. The acceptance of this bitter truth takes time, but that's how it has to be.i'm trying to feel better by going out, having fun, losing a little weight, getting a haircut...but deep inside, i am crying all the time. There is strength in prayer, so I pray. I hope the power up there is listening.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): I wish I knew the answer. I'm going through the same thing. I'ts been a month and everyday I wake up,praying that he will not be my last thought at night and the first thing as I wake up...I know that we will get over them..everyone says it takes time...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): I know it hurts and it will hurt for a while the best thing for you to do is hang out with some friends and find someone else if he wants you back you have to say no because the pain will never go away. so just hang out with your best friend and go guy searching
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005): I feel the same way because I'm going through the same thing!!!! Hopefully we will both be able to get over them! We really do not deserve someone that does not want to be faithful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2005): because you have a strong faith and you grew up knowing that marriage is a committment for life. You thought that your husband believed that too. It is hard to even imagine that someone can take your place in the arms of the man that belongs to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): You will get over him and be a better person because of his infidelities. You can only go up
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female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (15 October 2005):
There is nothing wrong with you at all. You can't get over him because you have been together since you were kids. I feel very sorry for you, it's him with the problem not you. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, don't blame yourself for something that he has done. I'm very sure you'll get over it sooner or later.
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female
reader, bee +, writes (29 September 2005):
you poor thing - there's nothing wrong with you. it's so so tough to pull yourself together after something like this.
However, it is vital; that you don;t indulge your sadness too much. get some help and fast! See a counsellor and learn to function without him and get over what he did - it was his failing, not yours.
Then teach yourself some positive thinking (cognitive behavioural therapy is excellent for this - your counsellow should be able to point you in the right direction). Studies show that people who force themselves toget on with things recover much quicker thahn those who allow themselves to feel sad .
Whilst it's normal to experience despair and sadness, you can and will feel better if you learn techniques to turn your thinking to the positive again. Take it from me - you don;t want to waste two years crying over some guy like I did. It got me nowhere! I didn't learn all that much, I just ended up having to fight harder to get out of a rut of misery. there is help out there!
Good luck and no more beating yourself up! You deserve a great life, full of love and happiness and it can be yours...
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female
reader, AstraeaKiana +, writes (28 September 2005):
It's only natural that you're finding it hard to get over your spouse- after all you'd been together for a long time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Nobody could quickly get over a relationship that lasted that long, and it probably makes things even more difficult considering the way you split. The best advice I could give to you would be to do things that you enjoy doing, to keep your mind off him- like taking up a hobby or just keeping busy with friends and family. Somebody once told me "You should never waste your time on somebody who isn't willing to waste their time on you"- and it's true. If your partner had the cheek to cheat on you, then he isn't worth thinking about. You deserve somebody much better than that. Look at the past, learn from it, but don't dwell on it. You've been given the chance to start again. I know right now it must seem like a really hard thing to do, but the sooner you go out and enjoy life, the sooner you're going to get over him and then you're bound to find somebody who is worth wasting you're time on.
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