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female
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anonymous
writes: I have liked one of my best friends for ages, and we flirt heavily. We are very close, but he doesn't want to go out with me cos he thinks it will ruin our friendship. The problem is I think I love him and am desperate for us to have a go at it.
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female
reader, cat101 +, writes (30 September 2005):
i was in totally the same situation as you this time last year so i know how frustrating and confusing it is for you. in my case i really loved my friend but still rejected him by saying it would ruin our friendship, however we decided to go out after eight months of flirting but just being friends and it was great. however we only lasted two months and then he broke up with me. he totally broke my heart but he insisted we stayed best friends, i just found it so hard knowing i had had him and lost him so everytime i saw him i felt even worse about myself. im still not over him at all eventhough he now has a new girlfriend, i dont even see him much anymore which is the most upsetting thing. i've lost a boyfriend and a best friend from going out with him so i warn you about pursuing your feelings. the flirting and hanging out as friends may not be exactly what you or he want but you need to consider what will happen when its all over and when you need a best friend the most.
A
female
reader, Destiny +, writes (28 September 2005):
My thought is that loving a person does not necessary mean that you need to be with, or possess, this person. Loving is respective. If your friend does not want to start a relationship, that doesn't forbid you from continue loving him. You can still keep the feeling inside, while continue caring yet leaving enough free space for him. Let him know that you have feelings toward him, but you are respecting his decision to remain as friends.Just a reminder that friendship is the basis for a well found relationship. If your will is strong enough to keep yourself single for him, maybe one day he'll realize he has the same feelings for you. And if things don't turn out your side, just keep in mind again that to love is not to possess.Time will tell and prove how strong your love is. It may be one day that you'll meet another guy who you'll have a stronger feeling of. Until then just enjoy the time and the bittersweetness that you two spend together. Always look at the bright side. Especially love is something to enjoy, not to suffer.
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A
female
reader, MissMo +, writes (28 September 2005):
If he really likes you, he'll try a relationship out regardless of his fears. Talk to him and find out how deeply he cares about you. If he wants to be with you, but is just really scared, then he needs to overcome those fears, which you can help with. For now you should just go with what he says - just be his friend. Limit the amount of time you spend seeing him, talking to him, and flirting with him. All it does is stroke his ego - he likes your company because you make him feel good about himself. Since he wants to remain "just friends," feel free to date other people and tell him all about it. Maybe seeing you with other people will trigger his jealousy and make him realize that he actually does care a lot for you. If this doesn't give him the push that he needs to want to go out with you, then he's just using the "I don't want to ruin the frienship" line as a nice way of rejecting you.
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A
female
reader, AstraeaKiana +, writes (28 September 2005):
Have you asked your friend how he actually feels about you? Talk to him about it and find out if he feels the same way. You say you're close and that you flirt, but have you asked him how he feels about you? Explain to him how strongly you feel and how committed you'd be to the relationship and hopefully he'll realise that he's got nothing to lose, but something to gain.
Hope this is helpful to you in some way xXx
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