A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hi eveyone. I've got a bit of a problem. Well I'm 18 and I've NEVER had a boyfriend. However, I am not a virgin. I have only been with 4 guys since losing my virginity last year. The guys I have been with have not been my boyfriends. As I said before I have never had one. I regret my first time, it was not special at all the person didn't care about me. Infact none of the guys I've been with cared about me, they were only using me. I met these guys on the internet therefore they were only looking for sex. I know that now. But at the time I wasn't really aware of that. (Stupid of me I know).I don't even know why I used the internet for that in the first place. I don't need it to get a date I'm an attractive girl. Anyway these guys would make out like they didn't just want sex or they avoided the subject and then when I asked them if they wanted to be with me I recieved the harsh truth. These experiences have knocked my confidence and now I feel as though all guys will ever want from me is sex. I feel worthless to be honest. Well not worthless but... I don't feel great about it. Everytime a guy shows interest and asks me for my number I always turn them down because I think they just want to get in my pants (I am also very picky). In a way I have sort of given up on guys, maybe I should try girls? But I don't really understand why I am still single because I'm a very attractive girl (not that I'm arrogant or anything) and I'm a nice person and I have so much to offer. Why do guys only see me as sex? I don't act in a suggestive way, I don't dress in a 'slutty' way and I don't give out sexual signals so I don't understand it. Maybe the internet obviously was not the best place to look and I'll just have to wait until the right guy comes along. Any ideas? Male opinions would be welcomed also. Thank you in advance for helping me. xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2006): hey you know what i'm going through the same thing!! i am 18 and have not had a boyfriend! Unlike you however, i am a virgin! Simply because i want the first time to be special! i get plenty of offers from guys but all they seem to say is i really like you and would like to get to know you better, and i know the only place they want to get to know me beter!the bedroom!!! i admit i have standards..... what type of guy i would like but if i didn't have that id be easy! I dont't understand why i can't find a guy though! i have a great job, am going to uni and am attractive (not being up my self here)!!! i dont know i really dont!!! i see guys i like and they r either taken or not living in the same state! anyway just letting you know im just as frusterated as you are!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much everyone for helping me, I really appreciate your advice. I hope I'll find the right person one day, whether male... or female. lol. :)Thanks. xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006): Hey,
Your right the internet was not a great place to go to meet guys because they are full of lonely a***holes who only want one thing!! Like you said when the right person comes along, it will be right. I am sure he will respect you and care for you and not be so indulgent like the other guys sounded to be.
Your only other option is to give up on men full stop. I have only had a boyfriend once and nothing actually happened physically, I mean I didn't even know we were going out until he told one of my friends about us!! But now believe it or not I am a lesbian! So girls are always a option. Don't just think oh I'll try a girl instead, but makesure this is what you really want. Anyhow, enjoy life whatever happens, we don't need men or women to do that, plus we have friends that make it that extra special partners are supposed too!!
I am here if you need to talk. Reply to your own question if you wanna chat!
Toodle Pips!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006): So you want to 'switch' to lesbian-hood because none of the guys you accepted into your intimate lifestyle were genuine? You know that it doesn't quite work that way, right?
You're 18, and you're complaining about 4 guys, and not finding the right one? Geez, I'm 27 and I've been with a few intimate partners since I was 15. They're all ex's now - so does that mean I should go after guys now cuz my relationship with women didn't work out?
To me, the whole concept of dating is all about trial and error. In relationships of all sorts, compromising is one of the key factors, as well as open communication, and consideration.
Another thing to keep in mind, are the type of guys that you go after, also the places you find them, and how you present yourself. Presenting yourself can be anything from the way you dress, put make-up on, to how you use your manners, the way you talk, the way you eat, walk, bat your eyelashes, the way you hold a conversation, what you talk about, think about, how you react and act - many things, small and apparent.
You're still only 18. There's still a lifetime of refinement in mentality, emotions, physique, and expression.
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A
male
reader, AnonimousJake +, writes (10 October 2006):
hey, i myself have had zero 'proper' relationships, i realise that both of us must be doing something wrong, but through all my experience the internet isn't allways the best place to find respectable people. i think maybe your rushing into things to fast with men, you say your picky, but where has that got you? go out and meet men, build friendships with them, try not to fall in love or jump into bed with them, just get to know them.
getting to know people first is the best way - i believe - to having a real relationship
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A
male
reader, jack23 +, writes (10 October 2006):
 I think your right in that you have been looking for guys in the wrong places, the Internet is not the best way, you need to meet people in person. Your past experiences can serve as a reminder of how men can be, and it can make you more prepared for some of their intensions.
Rest assured not all guys are like this, and Im sure you will soon figure that out if you just get to know some more of them without the intension of it being anything more than friendship.
There are plenty of nice guys out there, I would advise that you commit to a relationship for a while before you take anything further.
:)
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