A
female
age
26-29,
*ebelheart1912
writes:Ok so here I'm going to give a little back ground before I ask the question hopefully so you all somewhaht get a better idea of what is going on.In July, me and my ex broke up because I found out he was cheating. Well, I gave him another chance about a month ago and it turns out he was already with another girl while trying to get back with me. I've never been in so much pain after the ending of a relationship in my life! Well, recently, I have been hanging out with my best friend at our friends houses alot. She met this guy that she is now dating and he treats her like gold. Well, his cousin hangs out with us ALL the time, and I've known him since I was 14 (Im now 17 and hes 23) and he always seemed sooooo lonely and never really talks to anyone except me and my friend and his cousin, even though we hang out in a group of like 15 people. Well, my friend asks me last weekend if I would talk to him and get to know him because he liked me. I said sure why not, and we have hung out at his house all week and this weekend. Last night he walked me home and apparently he was supposed to kiss me but he never did (i didnt find out about the whole kissin thing til i was already home and my friend called me). Well then, this morning, my friend's boyfriend decided to message me on facebook and told me that he needed to talk to me. It turns out that somehow me, him and the guy that liked me are 4th cousins. Heres my real problem: Since my last real relationship (which ended in may because of him being abusive and I got away by getting with the ex who cheated on me) I haven't been able to have any feelings towards any guy except for last night, I actually felt like I was worth something to someone instead of just a piece of ass. I tried to hide my feelings to keep from getting hurt yet again and as soon as I let the slightest feelings show, they blow up in my face. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Can someone please help me? Its like I can never get a guy that actually cares or anything.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2012): you're just 17. it's completely understandable to be sensitive and too open with your heart at that age. i'm not saying you need to be callous or bitter. i just mean learn to protect your feelings by being cautious.from what i read, you tend to give yourself easily to the first guy that shows interest in you. you so badly want to have someone who cares about you that you think any guy who smiles or even flirts a bit, or wants to kiss you has to have feelings for you. it isn't the case. just because this guy wanted to kiss you did not mean he liked you. welcome to the world of dating, ppl will say and do anything to sleep with someone.you wear your heart on your sleeve and guys easily peg you for a sensitive girl, desperate for affection. any kind of affection. if you are not careful you will be the girl who gives it up to the guy who says 'i love you' even though he couldn't care less.learn to be selective. learn to get to know a guy as a person first, then a friend, then something more before giving your heart.you want to give yourself to someone who will take care of you and care for you and that's great. there's a lot of selflessness in that. but at the same time, some guys (players) can smell it a mile away like dogs smell fear. they take advantage of it and manipulate you.you feel a lot, i can only guess, so you need to take things slow with a guy before getting into a relationship.if one gets too impatient and starts demanding more from you, then you'll know this guy isn't for you. hope this helps.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 Darling, you are 17, write us back again in 20 years then MAYBE it will be time to get worried and decide you are doing something wrong around men or you lack appeal or your love life has been cursed at birth by a wicked sorceress.
As of now, less drama and less woe-is-me, please, all that happened is that you had a couple of disappointments. That's very useful, it's like a warm up before doing real exercise. You can learn from fiascos, for instance how to grow a thicker skin, how to develop a player-radar which will give you a gut feeling for who's good who's not , most of all how to handle your emotions and not be totally carried away by them,maybe over some guy which actually you barely know and know next to nothing about.
In short, it's all normal - it's all part of becoming an adult.
I don't understand though why you consider a fiasco also
what happened with the 23 y.o. guy. He did not treat you like just a piece of ass , did he ?
It's because he did not kiss you ? Honey, he was not OBLIGED to kiss you at the first chance, even if he does like you. Maybe he wants to take it slow and get to know you better . Maybe he is shy and needs encouragement.
Maybe ( I really hope so, btw ) he hesitates because he knows that at 17 you are a bit too young for a 23 y.o. man.
Or maybe yes, he has changed his mind and does not want to pursue you ; which sucks, but it does not mean at all that he disrespects you or sees you like a piece of meat. So why being so despondent.
Or, do you mean that you and him cannot date because you are 4th cousins ???. Since you mention it, that must fit in the story but I don't quite see how. 4TH cousins ?..oh come on that would mean that your great-grandparents were first cousins, legally that does not even qualify anymore as being related !
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (30 September 2012):
 For one thing, you are only 17, so work on making some strong friendships before you become a piece of ass. You should be out having fun with your friends and enjoying life instead of dwelling over some abusive jerk. You may have many boyfriends before you find "the one", but only if you put yourself out there as someone who is happy and healthy and looking for the same in a guy.
Also, any guy worth knowing probably would not kiss you as soon as you hoped this newest one would. A lot of guys want to get to know a girl before they get physical in any way because EVERYONE worried about getting hurt. We all risk getting hurt in relationships, so you have to stop dwelling on the past and have a positive attitude towards the future. There will be plenty of guys for you, or maybe just that one special one, but you cannot force these things to happen.
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