A
female
age
30-35,
*liceinunderland
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for a month now. Put simply, I'm white and he's black. My dad insists that he's not racist, but he seems funny about it. He says there are risks involved in society. At the end of the day I really like my boyfriend, I love him. What does it matter if he isn't white? Why can't I date a black guy? e's sweet, considerate, he's always looking for ways that he can make himself better for me. He couldn't be better really. It just annoys me that my own father is the only one saying these things to me. Does it really matter? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 No one said a young black man WOULD get you pregnant and run away. The uncle in question simply said that young black men have a 'REPUTATION'. And he suggested you give your father time and opportunity to see that your boyfriend was different and that it would work out.
A
female
reader, Aliceinunderland +, writes (30 April 2012):
Aliceinunderland is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all of your inputs.
One thing I disagree with is those of you that say a black man will get you pregnant and run away. My boyfriend and I had a pregnancy scare, he told me that he'd stand by me- he agreed that if I were pregnant I'd get an abortion- he doesn't want to affect my education.
But anyway, I love him and he loves me. So my Dad will have to get used to it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): Your father shouldn't do this to you, if you love him then that all that matter, as they say a black man will get you pregnant and leave you which in some cases could be a good thing if you look at what happen to these wives AND children, Horace Solomon, Susan Powell, Reginald sear, Sam Friedlander, James Speidel which is sterotype, there's trouble in every race, maybe your father never been around blacks and you're the one to prove to him that all blacks doesn't have a reputation.let your father know he needs to get over it because there's mixed couple everwhere you go now days. Your father shouln't try and pick your soulmate. Have you seen the movie "" coming to america" its an old movie by Eddie Murphy how his father tried to pick his wife for him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): Go with your heart sweetie because there are red, brown, yellow, black and white with a reputation. I got two cousin, my female cousin was married to a white man and they have three kids, he nickle and dime her for a long time until she divorce him and he doesn't pay any child support so she works and support the kids all by her self, my male cousin has two kid with his white wife and they get along very good.
Not all black guys has a reputation, once you start taking him around your dad he will blend in and start loving him as a person. How about if you and your friend invite your dad out to dinner?
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (29 April 2012):
It isn't simply about colour. Colour of skin is the first and most obvious indicator of cultural, social and philosophical differences.As Milo points out young black men have a certain reputation. One that is exploited by hip hop artists and their followers who promote themselves as pimps and gangsters.Your father isn't racist and he's not targeting anyone because he nothing else to do. It is those cultural/social/philosophical differences and the aforementioned reputation that he is concerned about.Don't try to convince him. It seldom works with anyone. Instead let him SEE he has no reason for concern by showing him the positive effect your boyfriend has on you. That you're safe, happy but not blinded by love, that you'll be candid with your dad if there is trouble and your willingness to listen, not to mention your boyfriend's good character, will go a long way to putting your father at ease.
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A
male
reader, Big T203  +, writes (28 April 2012):
The only person who should care about who your with is yourself. Your dad will eventually come around and if not its just ignorance on his part. Just go with your heart if he makes "YOU" happy nothing else should matter.
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A
female
reader, Thisiscrazy  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Just give your father time they were raised in a different era when it wasn't as normal to date white on black be patient with your dad and let him see how happy you both are he will come around as soon as he sees his little girl happy and her man treating you right
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A
female
reader, Smiley77  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 we are in era where colour doesnt matter anymore look around your not alone.and follow your heart thats all that matters
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A
male
reader, Milo118 +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Young black men have a reputation for smooth talking white girls and running away when the babies are born. Your dad is not a racist. Just have your bf spend time with you dad with you around too. Don't hide him away. If you show your dad he is not some 'getto playa' then he will accept him im sure.
Its not racisum just a sterotype, ive had this happen to me with white girls i dated. Once they saw i was educated respectful etc it was all good.
Hope thats ok
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): "It just annoys me that my own father is the only one saying these things to me. Does it really matter?"Your father is being realistic; he is not a racist himself but his life experience has taught him that you and he are living in a time and place where racism is an unavoidable fact of life. Every society/culture has biases, prejudices and phobies, and it is an unfortunate fact that mixed race couples are far more likely to face problems and challenges due to ignornace and intolerance.He just wants to you to be prepared to see people at their worst, and there are still far too many losers who harbor preconceived stereotypes which they use as rationalization to make unfair judgements and assumptions. You know your boyfriend, but any random drunken idiot you may encounter by chance does not and because of could be a threat to your safety. That's what your father's saying when he talks about risk.
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