A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok to start off yes I know how stupid I was, but it happened and I can't change it now. This guy and I had been on about 2 dates at the time. we had sex and the thing I never expected to happen...happened. I got pregnant. The issue is, he talks about wanting another child (he has a little boy) but he doesn't want to even think about another one until his son is old enough to start school. Neither one of us is ready to have a baby, I'm still trying to get my associates and he is active military so he's gone about 9 months to a year at a time. One issue is, he won't wear condoms because he doesn't like the feeling and expects my birth control to stop pregnancy. He doesn't get that it's not 100% effective. I haven't told him yet, and honestly I don't know if I want to. He's absolutely adament on not having another child until later. I'm scared of what he'll say. Don't get me wrong I will happily be a single mom if needed. But I need advice on this, should I tell him and hope for the best, or save him the heartache of having to do the right thing and take care of a child he's not ready for when he won't be around to see them grow up? There's also the problem of PTSD. he has a very severe case and can get a little violent in certain situations, I'm afraid he'll have an episode and harm the baby. [Mod note: The user probably refers to "Posttraumatic stress disorder" (PTSD)]
View related questions:
condom, military, violent, want a baby Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 Tell him, it's not your fault it happened. It's his fault as well, so why are you thinking you can't tell him? Just because he doesn't want a child? Well, do YOU want a child? Whether you want one or not, and whether he wants one or not, you are indeed pregnant. So tell, and then debate, think, and take action. But why on earth would you NOT tell? You're not the one who needs to make decisions on his behalf. You're not the one who needs to "shelter" the man from the consequences of his actions. He's an adult, he can take it. Tell him. Then whatever he chooses to do is HIS responsibility, not yours. You're not telling him in order to make him do this or that you know. By telling him you're treating him like an adult.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): Neither of you planned the pregnancy it was an accident. But he has been clear he doesn't want another child but now you want this kid. Its not fair to him to expect him to go along with being a parent to this kid just because you have decided to keep this baby. You make the decision for yourself to keep this baby but he should have the right to make his own decision for himself whether he wants any part in this. Don't expect or pressure him for anything especially any type of lifelong commitment . It was an accident its not his fault you got pregnant since you did choose to have sex with him. But you are choosing to keep the baby so that choice should be for yourself only but he has the right to know so he can make his own choice too whether to have any part in this and yes he has the right to choose to opt out even though you opted in. Just be clear that you are informing him so he can make choices for his life and not because you want or expect him to support you in any way for the choice you made for yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 April 2012):
 Birth control is 99% effective IF taken correctly.
YES!!!!
Not only because he deserves to know, so you can get child support and your child can receive good medical care.
Even with PTSD, he's not going to hurt an innocent infant. A baby isn't going to trigger his PTSD.
...............................
A
female
reader, Little Britt +, writes (29 April 2012):
you must tell him whether he likes it or Not. he's the father of your child. when i got pregnant, i was afraid to tell my bf bc i thought he would make a scene or harm me. but he took it the oppostite he helped even though he didnt like it and wasnt ready to be a father. but again we never used condoms and im 15 i got pregnant at 14. it wasnt too smart. but i had to deal with it. and so does your boyfriend it doesnt matter if he likes it or not hes the father and hes going have to pay child support if he doesn't want to be with you after the labor. let him know its the best thing to do! (; Good Luck(:
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 You need to tell him. At the end of the day he is the child's father, and weather he wants to be part of it or not he still deserves to know that you are pregnant. If you are worried that he will cause harm to your child once it is born then supervised visits can be arranged if he is willing to be part of the child's life. I know this must be a shock to you, I hope you have family and friends around you who can support you and be there for you if you need to talk. But please do the right thing and tell him you are pregnant.
...............................
A
male
reader, Big T203 +, writes (28 April 2012):
Yes you should tell him as soon as possible, trust me you will need all the support you can get when it comes to babies. and for someone who doesn't want anymore babies he really needs to start using condoms. regardless of how they feel. you will regret going through the whole birth process alone and ask any single mother who doesn't receive help they are far from happy about it. regardless if it breaks you two apart or not the baby need both parents.
...............................
A
female
reader, Thisiscrazy  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Ok he is the one who does not want to wear a condom so it is something you obviously agreed on .. In saying that you need to tell him so he can be held responsiable for his actions weather whe wants the baby or not is only your concern as you can't expect him to say yes I'll do everything right when you only seen each other 2 times. So the right question is for yourself
Am I ready to be a mother and a single one if needed?
Figure that out with in yourself. But make sure you tell him in a public place so your safe see how he feels and take it from there but like I said don't expect to much from someone you had unprotected sex with the first or second time you seen him. He needs to realize the consequences to his actions of not wearing protection. Good luck
...............................
|
