A
male
age
,
*loyd
writes:I'm just a bit curious.It seems that to some women the worst sin a man can commit is looking at porn and I don't get it. They are just images on a screen of women he most likely will never meet or ever have a chance with. The chances of him actually cheating with these women is two million to one so why is this such an issue of contention?
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2018): Io you've had many many replies here all saying it can be insulting demeaning damaging to a woman's sense of attractiveness and self esteem not to mention the many concerns with the industry itself . It really comes down to how you feel about the woman . If you know that porn is doing any or all of these things to a woman you care about then maybe you need to ask yourself why it's so important to you to use it . After all if it's just images on a screen as you say it should be no big deal giving it up right , especially when it can hurt the woman you love ? Or is it really more to you ? Does your gf really have some valid fears ? Is the porn so important that you can't or won't give them up . Do you find them more attractive and appealing to her ? Do you need them to get hard ? Do you need to give her up so you can find a woman who doesn't care and let her find a man who cares enough about her feelings or is more attracted to her ? These are questions only you can answer but you now have a load of information on the ways in which it can hurt women
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 July 2018):
 I think the women who don't like their partners viewing porn feel like they aren't ENOUGH to arouse their partner's desires or lust.
To me though it has to do with lack of imagination and creativity in the bedroom. If a guy HAS to watch porn to masturbate, it will (or can) turn into needing to watch it to get hard enough for intercourse. Which would mean that SOME OTHER woman's genitals got her partner's dick hard...
And you can't see how that "might" feel a bit offensive to a partner?
How about if your partner looked at "big dick" porn. Or lesbian porn. Something the "average" guy can't quite compete with? Would you think COOL! Or ... I wonder if I'm big enough for her? Or if she rather do women over me?
It's not just about insecurities. It's about feeling wanted, desired, lusted after. Of course need more that "just" that, but it is an important part.
No one NEEDS porn. Seriously. NO ONE.
But it's easy to come by, it's easy to access and use.
I think It CAN be used bu either party within a relationship as long as it is done either together... or RESPECTFULLY in private.
And I have to say if you are dating someone who is totally against it, she isn't a good fit for you, if you can't keep your mitts off porn.
Lastly, the World doesn't revolve around your dick, or her desire to be offended by what you might or might not watch.
It's about respect. Consideration. Communication.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2018): The erotica industry is not responsible for trafficking of women and girls . It does not have a reputation for coercing young girls into 'contracts ' where they end up being demeaned and abused . It does not promote an entire gender as worthless pieces of meat who's only value is for consumption and sex
It's infuriating that people even think there's a parallel when there is absolyetorl none , zero zilltch
The porn industry has been studied deeply and there's a plethora of literary , formal academic literature which shows a ver shady and dangerous side that damages women and girls
To trivialise that and compare it to a novel is really extremely ignorant
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2018): No idea. I don't get it either. I disagree with wise owl as its nothing like being jealous of a girls ex partner. That's someone that's actually been with them. Porn is just people on a screen. You could say that woman shouldn't read erotica novels. Basically the same thing. I can only assume that it's low self Esteem.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (29 July 2018):
 Some partners don’t like the thought of their other half getting off to the image of another person. It can bring up insecurities such as why does my partner need to look at someone else rather than me? ‘Are they better looking?’ ‘Why is he with me if I look nothing like that?’ Etc. Would you honestly be happy to walk in on your wife/GF fantasising over pictures of attractive, muscular men if you looked the complete opposite? Having thoughts in your head that she’s more attracted to them than you? Would you see it as ‘just a way to get off’ still?
Also I’ve seen many posts on this site of partners complaining that their BF/GF is addicted to porn and it’s impacting their sex life. If it got to the point where it’s physically affecting the relationship then surely you can see it’s not just an issue of ‘the guy will never meet the woman so what’s the issue?’
It’s a perfectly viable complaint. Some partners don’t like it, some don’t care. It’s really not hard to understand why people don’t approve.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2018): They are women he will never meet but WISHES he could . Do you think any woman likes knowing she only has him because she's the default by chance she happens to be there and that given a choice he'd choose the leggy blonde to have sex with
Women tend to choose sexual partners based on much deeper things than looks but sadly we know that mostly our men would toss us aside if a real chance with a porn star came along and that hurts . Men are extremely shallow and many don't value women for anything more than their bodies . If they did maybe they wouldn't be so interested in pirn if it hurts the women they claim to love
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 July 2018):
 All women are different and not all women object to men watching porn. Some even watch porn themselves, with or without their partners. For some it can be part of their foreplay.
The main gripes about porn I hear from other women is that their partner PREFERS watching porn to having sex with them or that they feel inadequate compared to the women in the porn films. Also most porn aimed at men is about "wham bam" sex, which most women do NOT want for themselves. If a man thinks porn films are a realistic representation of what women actually want in bed, then he really needs to get more educated.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2018): The landing page of any mainstream porn site will show numerous references to women as wh..res , sl..ts and other degrading earns . It will
Promote the sexualisation of as young as possible and degrade women
In unbelievable ways . Porn makes men lose any ability to have empathy for women or respect them . Hence this question I guess
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2018): Come-on, man! Compare it to the same reason men have retro-jealousy when women describe great-sex with a well-endowed lover; or having better sex in the past, than in the present. When you've actually seen her ex-boyfriend(s). Studly, handsome, and virile. Toned and muscular. She settled for less to marry, or for a boyfriend. Because she loves him.
People have feelings and egos, and a general need for loyalty in your mate. Faithful in every-way. We want our lovers to keep something special, just for us. Nobody else!
Maybe she did tons of nasty little things for her ex, she won't do for you! If you knew that, it would blow your mind!
How would you like to know your own wife or girlfriend fantasizes about somebody else every-time you touch her? You wouldn't mind, as long as she didn't come right-out and tell you she did! It always comes down to the shoe on the other foot, doesn't it?
Lets get down to the nitty-gritty. I'm a straight-shooter, and I tell it like it is.
Porn is the chosen-alternative to cheating for some guys; and it's an escape from sexual-boredom. It's just a habit for others. It's a fantasy-escape when you're just a little tired of feeling the same old vagina. Bored with looking at the same familiar body gaining or losing weight; and/or trying to ignore lumps, ripples, and bulges you didn't have to look at before the kids were born. Stuff gravity or childbirth hadn't touched 10 or 15 years ago. Looseness!
It's exploring your hidden voyeuristic-tendencies. It's having a slightly deviant need to watch other people having sex. A heterosexual-excuse to look at another man's dick; and to watch things done you'd like to do, but you know your wife or girlfriend wouldn't want to do.
Not to mention the fact, you wouldn't like to tarnish your perception of purity for your mate; by visualizing her behaving like a slut. All made-up like a street-walker, or a whore. So she's careful how she dresses, or wears her make-up. You'd judge her in the harshest way! Some guys would tell her take it off, and do it over! Criticizing her until she felt like sh*t! Then go hide in the bathroom with his phone!
Not to dismiss the fact, you can barely stomach the thought she may have had sex with other men, a number of men; before she met you. She probably can't forget the quality of that great sex, as compared to you. Dull, vanilla, quick, and you couldn't find her G-spot with GPS and road-map! She has to fake orgasms. Let's not bring-up stamina and endurance. Over in 3-5 minutes! Just to site some examples, of what they face. Yet out of love, they pretend all is well. They want to please you; they gave it all up, for you. So they expect no less!
They don't like the idea of men being turned-on by anyone other than themselves. They fear watching women like that means you want a woman like that. Oversized-breast, a slender waistline, a big butt, and a hair-color she doesn't have. In her mind, it tells her that you'd prefer a sex-partner more like the women you fantasize about. Many times it's true!
It's a fact, that you get easily hooked on porn; so regular-sex doesn't provide the same kind of visuals and sexual-stimulation you get when you can view several different types of women, doing unbelievable things to a penis. The visual-impressions left in your brain, will not compare to the average looks of a typical married-woman with kids. Your girlfriend may be pretty, but she may not have breasts the size of watermelons; but that pops-up in your memory, when you look at her lemon-sized little titties.
Don't trivialize what women feel about porn; because that is exactly the problem they have with it. You become desensitized, lazy as a lover, and you can't stop thinking about the porn; because it appeals to the part of the brain that is effected by the use of narcotic addictive-drugs. You want sex less, because you've already wanked two to six times already; and there's no need or desire for real-sex.
There you have it. The honest truth.
...............................
A
female
reader, Bazil  +, writes (29 July 2018):
well my answer is two fold. First, I find it insulting in the sense that , as partners, women are just not enough for their man. What you desire is not what you have so we feel inadequate. Especially as we age, now thats just a real kick in the face. When men look at porn of course it is for the purpose of arousal, so again women feel they are second best and sometimes just a 'tool' for follow though. Just a vagina. It can be a vicious circle too. He watches porn, she resents it and him, sex drops off, he watches more porn to get off. Worst case scenario, both are not getting their needs met and someone cheats. Would you be ok if you wife went out night after night to get her rocks off watching young hot male strippers because they are just for visual stimulation/fantasy too?Secondly and personally I see my spouse less desirable knowing he watches it. His watching is feeding an industry of sexual, emotional, mental, physical abuse and degradation of a human being regardless of gender.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2018): Part of a woman's arousal to is be desirable . This is as important to many women getting turned on as an erection is to men . When we see that the man we are with need other women to get aroysed it makes us realise we are not desirable enough to turn him on and for many women this totally kills any sex drive and dries us up so to speak
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (29 July 2018):
 Between the couple: insecurities, porn obsession, feeling less of a turn on than porn, not being desired as much, etc.
I understand what porn is for, but it's pretty easy to get out of control and to neglect your partner. Would it bother you if she was masturbating to other men who look like models compared to you? What if she was using porn to imagine herself with these men? At what point do you feel inadequate?
Porn can be fine, but it can also be damaging if not used considerately within a relationship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2018): My boyfriend and I both look at porn and I have no problem with it. We get ideas on things we would like to try with each other. However, he compliments me quite often. He lets me know he appreciates my figure and my looks. Tells me when he thinks I look hot or beautiful. Makes me feel likes he's happy to be with me. You, on the other hand, have qualified your viewing when you say you will likely never meet or ever have a chance with those women. That's kind of like saying to your partner "they're hotter than you, but I'll never get to meet them or have a chance even if I did so why worry?". Now maybe you don't mean it that way, but most women would take it that way. It's a big turn off for us if we're made to feel "lesser than". We need to feel like our partners are very much attracted to us and that they fully appreciate what they have. Like it or not, even though we may try not to, both sexes tend to compare and compete.
...............................
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (29 July 2018):
Because although he might not have a chance with the woman, it feels like he’s wishing he did. And that can be hurtful for some women.
The thing many men don’t understand, is that men usually get aroused by looking at naked women, whereas women usually get aroused by being looked at. As in, feeling like the object of desire to the man in their life.
So when their partners direct their desire at another women, it feels personal. Like they are not desirable enough to keep their man happy.
So basically imagine if your wife/girlfriend actively let other men see her naked and got super aroused by their reactions, how would that make you feel? Would you be ok with it, or would you feel betrayed that she was letting other men ogle her and turn her on when that should be your job...?
...............................
|
