A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When me and my boyfriend started going out he was texting a girl everyday which i didnt know about. He used to text her everyday before he got with me anyway because they were good friends but he used to really like her and even asked her out before and she said no. big group of us went on a trip and he hung out with her for the whole thing instead of me. this the happened again like a month after on another trip. I tallked to him about it after this as i was getting jealous and he said he would stop talking to her etc except he was really texting her but was lying. We are nearly together two years now and this stuff has completly stopped but now it bothers me if he just talks to her because he lied about it so much. We fight over this all the time and it still bothers me after over a year! what should i do, should we break up? He says he just loves me but i still feel second best to her and i hate that i cant stand him talking to one of his friends now!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): It sounds like you do not believe what he is saying because his actions dictate differently. The question is does he lie about now? If he is open and honest about it now, then he has progressed beyond his past infatuation and realized how much you mean to him, and really views this other girl as a friend. If he is still skeav, then I would be cautious.
Also, are you friends with this girl? I would recommend being friends with her (like on the next trip or something) - she could be genuinely awesome and then you would all be able to hang out together. If something really feels wrong, you would also notice it faster too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): I am in a very similar situation and I just cannot let the subject drop. My boyfriend is getting very irritated about it but I can't let it go. My boyfriend too lied and said he wasn't in contact but was texting her all the time behind my back. It has got to the point that if I even hear this woman's name I see red!
All I can say is that you have been together 2 years so that says how happy he is with you. The trips happened a long time ago now and now he is no longer really in contact with her. This should be emough to put your mind at rest but is easier said than done. If you continue to nag away at him it will either make him begin to get annoyed or push him into the arms of another. I think 2 years is probably long enough to be able to put this incident behind you. Some women including myself are naturally very jealous and we have to try to curb this. Experts say it is due to personal insecurity and fear that something you love may be taken from you. I try to remember these points when I feel especially jealous and it can help. I don't think you have anything to worry about here just concentrate on yourself and your relationship and try to forget about the past.
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A
female
reader, staceyann marie  +, writes (19 January 2010):
dear 16,
if he tells you that this girl is just a friend believe him. there is nothing more horrible than knowing your gf is jelouse over one of your mates. Beleive me.. i’m saying this out of personal experience. try talking to him about it and get him to tell you the truth why he was texting her.
it will all work out
staceyanne marie
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