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anonymous
writes:Guys, please help me out here. Since, my divorce I have had two relationships with commitment phobic men. Why are men afraid to commit. Is it that there are so many pretty , smart,successful girls to choose from? What makes a guy chose one girl over another? I am really hoping to meet someone special and trying to build my confidence back up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): Hi, of course I don;t know all that you have been through - my post was based purely on what I have read on this thread - but this small amount of info makes me think that getting some real therapy - to figure out who you are again, what you want, what you should expect from others etc might be a good thing for you. If you can get to know yourself, and like you said, regain some confidence, you might be surprised at how much more success you have at relationships. It's normal to have some 'baggage' after relationship breakdowns - but it's my understanding that 2nd marriages etc have a 50% chance of failing because of such baggage not being explored BEFORE commiting to someone else. I'm not trying to be nasty - just noting how you come across in some of your responses that's all. I hope you can find what you're looking for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Anonoymous,
I know I have issues. I have been through enourmous adversity, that some women could not survive. I have worked so hard to get over these issues. It is easy to be confident when life is smooth. But when the rug gets pulled out it rocks our world. You do not know me so you do not know what I have been throughl.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): When I read all this I can't help cringe a few times - poster, your responses to various 'males' who have posted make me feel that there may be some 'issues' that are effecting your success with men/commitment factors etc. You seem a bit too eager to be liked and to compliment the guys - and at times I found myself wondering if you actually 'got' some of the posts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): Im giving everyone a 5 star rating, for entertainment value
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reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (3 November 2009):
 I met my wife through Eharmony. My only advice is to be as honest as you possibly can, and know the difference between "preference" and "absolute deal-breaker".
I hope you find happiness again.
-Frank
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reader, duce00 +, writes (3 November 2009):
 Feel free to PM me. I dont want to get way off topic with this thread but it would be nice to share our tales and compare notes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHI Duce 007,I am SO sorry you are widowed. I feel horrible!!!! You seem like such a nice man!! If you lived near me I would fix you up with someone. And yes, being a single parent is hard. How old is your child? How old was your wife when she passed away? Honestly, I am so busy with my daughters life, schoolwork, sports and activites there is little time left for me. I just signed up on Eharmony. Like I said in previous threads, if my husband went on medicine for the bi polar we would still be together. Who knew life would take a turn like this for both of us?
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reader, duce00 +, writes (3 November 2009):
Thanks for the good wishes. We are getting along just fine. Being a single parent is very challenging as you know and it really puts a different spin on the points being made here.
By the way I am widowed not divorced. Only one marriage and one long term relationship on my track record (not including the "stupid youthful years"). I would like to have one more love of my life and it may not happen tomorrow but I am ok with that because I learned what being impatient and compromising gets me. Ohhh boy have I ever learned!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Lexie 88. your comment was harsh. I do not think you are right as we dated for 2 1/2 years. He never had a relationship in his 45 years of life, so I think this says alot about me as I was the only women he he fell in love with.
Duce 007 I hope you are doing well with your child and divorce
Thanks again for all of the advice.
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reader, Lexie88  +, writes (2 November 2009):
 Back to the original question...a man won't committ for the same reason you wouldn't committ...because you're not IT for him, you're not the one. See what human_male and rhythmandblues2 said below.
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reader, duce00 +, writes (2 November 2009):
Yeah Mr.Q! You big meanie! I was stuffing my foot in my mouth way before you came along! Get in line mister!
This post really hit a nerve for me as it did for alot of other folks. R&B2, I have to apologize to you for taking the brunt of some of my frustration at comments that female posters made on other threads. My bad, it wasnt all about you or even this one thread.
See, it is hard not to come out swinging when you feel like you are up against the same shit that really put a hurt on you in the past. I will say to R&B that I think you may have done this too but to your credit the worst of it was after I took a few jabs in your general direction.
I am really glad we have a place to hash this out and I hope the original poster is still benefiting from our rants. We did kinda send this post a beyond where she started it.
Too bad we cant all go have a drink and REALLY talk some shit. Now that would be a boatload of fun. I am Sure Mr.Q would bring his shovel and a good supply of coal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Oh shut up Q!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Yeah, thennotsogreat, that is what I was trying to point out, there are as many crappy men out there who don't understand women or don't want to as there are crappy women.
When you are talking about human beings, both genders muck up relationships, but you can't say that all women don't understand the importance of sex, or don't try to learn from their mistakes when a relationship ends, or try to be the victim to forgo taking personal responsibility, or do not want to give back to a man, etc.
The crux of the problem is two fold. One men and women choose partners based on the wrong things, usually they let sexual attraction overrule the individuals character traits and values that are so improtant to compatibility and a healthy relationship.
And two, men do not understand women and women do not understand men becasue we both get to commitment very differently, and we are wired differently in the way our brains work and the way our emotions work. We all are complex creatures. The key is to try to learn about those differences and embrace them and work towards taking care of each others needs.
That's it a relationship is always negotiated, you have to accept the majority of issues in a relationship are not resolvable and be able to come to emotional closure on those issues, you have to learn to fight fairly and talk about the issues and not the topics, you have to put the needs of the other above your own a lot of the time, you have to try and elimanate the bad spirits that you may be harboring, and mistrust is a biggy, being mean spirited and lacking compassion is another.
If I sound like a Dr. Phil tape, well so be it, I happen to agree with the man on just about everything.
Of course this subject could go into a lot more detail and be a lot lengthier, but we all probably have our lives to live today, so I will end it there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI adore men so no offense taken notsogreat. I had the most loyal husband in the world. I will never find another like him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Wow!!I seem to have unintentially started a battle of the sexes here. So id better clarify.I have reread your post anon and my answer and all the other aunts. On a side note its exciting to have rythum answering one of my points as its because I liked several of her coments that I became an agony uncle myself.At no time was I suggesting that you anon arnt a great Woman and I do really hope that you find that knight in shining casual ware.What I have intended was to inform you of the 3 most complined about things about women from Married men and single guys who are looking for a wife. I am not married but alot of my friends are.I thought my opinion would perhaps give a different angle to see the problem from, as that seems to be what is need.You've just been with two lemons (thats the nicest thing I can call them) and then this whole argument is mute as next one will be it.Rythum i do have to disagree with you though, Im not at all suggesting that its womens fault, but women do contribute to the problem as much as men do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRhythym and blues hit the nail on the head. My husband and I had a terrific marriage until I found out he had Bi Polar. He refused to stay on medicine, so I had to divorce, horrible times. In any event, he lost his job when my daughter was one. So I said to him stay home with the baby and get your health back together,(meanwhile, I had the very stressful job of supporting the family alone and trying to be a full time mom) since you do not need to be at a job try different medicines etc. Well that did not happen. When we went to court the ex turned it around and try to take full custody of my daughter claiming he was her primary care taker. It was the farthest thing from the truth and I was devastated as she is my life. I agree the courts do not favor women anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): By the way, there are plenty of middle aged women who have also worked hard for what they have, career women and who legally stand to just as much as any man if divorced, so it is an old sterotype that only men have more to lose if things go south, that's rubbish.
From where a lot of women sit who have not had a career and supported her husband during his, had his kids, kept the house, kept the social calendar going, stand more to lose than most husbands in a divorce. Most women decline drastically in their standard of lifestyle and their financial worth by becoming divorced in middle age. She has extreme difficulty going back into the work force with no job skills, outdated technology skills and lack of work experience, so YES women get tired of men whining about having more to lose financially and playing the tiniest violin in the world. After all he had a partner behind him that helped him to achieve those things in life for their family, only for her to be discarded once he found a younger replacement for her.
Life isn't fair, first you cry and then you die....so sorry if I don't feel sorry for Men and their mistrust of women. It cuts both ways.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am at work so I will respond quickly. I really do not have advie to give as this is new to me. But I agree with duce 007's advice. In regard to Rythym and Blues, I agree with you too. I think men have an easier time finding a quality women, as there seems to be more of them available. If there is a successful, attractive man with a gorgeous house he would have the girls lining up. I get alot of attention from men in passing, the store etc but the guys are not lining up. Also, men have women throwing thier boobs and bodies in thier face everywhere they go , from bars, the workplace etcc.I work with women that have thier shirts buttoned underneath thier bra and things sticking out of thier jeans, most guys are turned on by that right? Women dress much more provactively to seduce men then vice versa. it is easier than ever for men to find sex. I will only have sex with someone I am in love with
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I personally have never met a woman whose goal is to conquer a man and get a committment out of him, I guess some women think this way, but I don't think most women have this mind set.
One of the reasons women can't behave as if all she cares about is the "quality of life" she has with a man is that unless he has stepped up and claimed her as the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, he really hasn't committed, he is still just dating her and women can and often do waste years of their life with a man who is just simply using her a storage shed or a stepping stone to something else. And once that happens to you over and over as a woman, you start to say what you want up front earlier than later, and men make the mistake of thinking that when women do that, that she doesn't care about him, doesn't want to be with him, but wants marriage first and foremost and that isn't the case. Women want the man they want, but when they feel their love is not returned to the level of investment that they have, they start to retreat and become realistic that her man is not going to take her on her journey to happily ever after.
I really don't think it is a war between men and women, I think both sexes make very bad choices in partners.
I know men say they want a woman who is honest and sincere and warm and giving and has integrity blah blah blah, so why is it that when they find a woman with all those qualities after some time they begin to devalue those qualities and go back to their basic intstincts of finding a bigger better deal which usually equates to a "hotter" woman, big boobs, what ever equates to that look.
I have seen men do this all of the time. Throw a great girl a great relationship over for a woman that impresses their "friends" with how hot their date is. Now this is what hurts women the most, to be devalued and underappreciated for being he real self.
This is the immature, self centered man I refer too. And yes there are plenty of women that are like this as well, usually the HOT women that the men are panting over....sometimes some of the prettiest people are the ugliest if you know what I mean, generally, not always, nothing is a universal truth when it comes to human beings.
Any way I wish all of you good luck on your quest to find the perfect relationship. I am still hoping to find mine before I die. Maybe I will meet the love of my life in the nursing home and he will be wearing shorts with black socks, I can only hope.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Well Duce, since I am the only female aunt answering on this thread, exactly what did I say that sounds like I am arrongant and have misguided views about men and don't have a clue about figuring them out?
I also never said anyone was immature and had never lived for anyone but himself, so don't put those words in my mouth.
After reading the posts from the men, sadly I have to say that I think men who mistrust women to the degree you seem to here are the kind of emotionally unavailable men that women come up against a lot out there when dating and even though he may at first charm the socks off her to get her to drop her guard, he really doesn't like her or want to trust her from the beginning, he basically uses women and may not even be aware that is what he is doing. It
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reader, duce00 +, writes (2 November 2009):
Welcome to the single parent club. I have been on my own with my daughter for 5yrs too.
As another single parent who had to learn some of the same things, here are a few things I learned.
-Do not introduce you child to anybody you date until you are pretty dammed sure that they are worth bringing into your family. I made that mistake once and it was one of my greatest regrets.
-I know its hard but if you see red flags early on just stop right there. I made that mistake too. Just walk away, you don't want a full time job in fixing somebody you want an equal and a partner in life.
-If the intimacy doesn't click at first then you can expect it wont improve. Sex is a vital part of a healthy relationship and it is how we physically share with each other. I don't think you actually have a real relationship if its not there and mutually pleasurable.
I am sure you could add a few things to the list and I would love to hear them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Q1605 I have been seperated for five years, I was devastated from the divorce, I did not know how I got through it as I divorced a man I was still in love with, and the father of my little girl.Anyway, The first guy charmed me right after the divorce. He must have sensed I was vulnerable and come to find, out he is a compulsive liar, horrible person, but very charming. I was in such a bad place, it took 1 1/2 years to figure this out. My definition of commitment includes marriage. I can guarantee the majority of women want to know where the relationship is going, so they do not waste thier time. Like I said there is the element, of my little girl, that concerned me as she would cry when he would leave the house. Since I was also dealing with a horrible divorce and then this, I was not thinking clearly. However, I am confident I made the right decision. I want to be with someone that puts this relationship first and that believes in the family unit. I also like that he has a passion for sports and golf as that makes him more exciting. I have my own interests and enjoy time with my daughter and alone time. I do not feel my demands were excessive. Sorry to write so much!! Thanks so much for listening!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dated this man for 2 1/2 years. I feel it was on his terms. We met from a friend via email. We emailed for months before the first date. Then, because he was so busy at work we would see one another once every two weeks. Eventually,because I was so patient, it progressed to more, but the intimacy was an enourmous problem. We only endeavored to be intimate a handful of times, I always initiated it. I am sure people will laugh, but I cared for him so deeply as a person, I was willing to work through this, which required time. As time progressed he continually averaged outings with the guys approximately four times a week, often including time on the weekends when we would be most likely to see one another. He lives 50 minutes from me so our time was limited. I felt insecure because the problem in the intimacy department as well. I have a daughter that ADORES this man because he was so kind to her and gave her loads of attention, of course I wanted to know that it was leading to marriage, so I could start a new family with him. PLus, I was concerned for my daughter as she was so attached to him and I was worried she would get hurt (which she did) if it was not going to work out. I felt like I was doing things for him that a married women would do like make food, pick up groceries for him, help clean his house, but it did not appear he was even thinking of marriage.As a side note he did nice things for me too. So I broke up five months ago to find a man that wants family life. It was not working for me the other way because I felt he had the best of both worlds, companionshiop with me and non of the real responsibility and commitment. I suggested he get me a promise ring so we can work out the details He has said he wants to do what will make him happy the rest of his life. And, that he is lost.. I suggested we go to counseling , to this date he has not said yes.. He did make it clear he has not dated nor looked at anyone else. He is very conservative (that is my type) and a gentlemen. I feel he is not compromising. Thoughts?
Thanks for the advice, it is great! And, there are great women out there as well.
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 November 2009):
 Duce 00, I think you're becoming something like Duce 007 by now. Three Cheers For You.
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reader, duce00 +, writes (2 November 2009):
I know I came off rather charged up but I am glad you could see my point.
I will be honest about what runs through a mans head regarding commitment. I imagine it is similar for women but obviously with different priorities.
Most men want a fair amount of freedom to be themselves both in a relationship and how they make they're place in the world. Men who are middle aged and single have, like you, worked very hard to be where they are in life. Sometimes we have had to rebuild after a divorce or loss and the road ahead requires alot of energy on our part. When a woman wants commitment and puts stronger emphasis on that than the actual quality of life that you want to have together it really feels like a demand rather than an offer. Do you see the difference? We already have demands being placed on us all the time. Would you feel deeply inspired if a man asked you early on in a relationship how often he could expect sex once you got married? Think it sounds crude? Well we do think of that and for a good reason. Quite often women change how they treat us once they're goal of commitment has been achieved.
Does it really sound that odd to equate mens sex drive with womens desire for commitment? Don't both sexes get a little narrow minded around these subjects to the point of forgetting to just enjoy being together?
I understand that you are not ALL women and that this fellow you mentioned may be a little outside what I have described. What I am shooting for here is some actual honesty on the subject regardless of how much it offend some by actually bringing it out in the open.
Too much confusion surrounds this subject I believe, and I hope that these posts start to untangle this issue some.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHonestly, I would sign a prenup.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWOW DUCE, very well written. And, very interesting indeed. This man I was with was very complex, still is. He is very successful, smart , so kind and has been single his whole life. I do think he worries about the financial ramification if he commits and we divorce. I have a beautiful home and a nice savings in my 401K and I work very, very hard. I am not looking for a wealthy man and he knows that! However, I agree with Rhytym and Blues that he is still has growing up to do and is selfish. He has never lived for anyone but himself. Everytime we talk he cries over the break up and that confuses me. But, I want a man that wants to be committed and do not want to have to talk him into it. Lastly, there are wonderful, honest women out there as well..I feel I am one but have not dated hardly at all .
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reader, duce00 +, writes (1 November 2009):
Such a great post and the responses have been quite interesting. I hope the poster takes my 2 cents in the spirit of blatant honesty rather than disgruntled anger at some of the respondents.
What I found highly amusing in all this was how many women really think they understand this issue. They actually think they have men figured out. The misguided arrogance of some of the female posters is actually what men are phobic about.
Is it really that hard for women to see they're shortcomings? Most men have a very good reason for being cautious about commitment. Women can be just as dangerous and destructive in relationships as men, they just operate in a more covert and less obvious manor about it. They also tend to be socially accepted as the victims regardless of they're actions.
As a man I am sick and tired of the male bashing that women seem to think is perfectly acceptable. Of course some women try to cloak this behavior as they're intelligent and well informed opinion. I guess thats the one that burns me the most because it reeks of double standard.
Most men have been conditioned to believe a lie that women are complex and men are simple. If that were actually true there would be a whole lot less women in the world trying to find a good man. The fact is that there are plenty of us out there, but thanks to some of your irresponsible sisters we do not trust you ladies easily.
Just as us men have bared the brunt of other mens mistakes you ladies must understand that you have the same exact problem working against you. If you want to really isolate yourself from the opposite sex, take the attitude that we are simple and lacking in emotional depth. Women absolutely hate to be devalued as a piece of ass but see no problem in stereotyping all men as simplistic neanderthals with a boner.
Women have been allowed to be angry for years but I would like to remind them that most men never wanted anything other than equality. Us men would also like you to try treating us with the same respect you demand so loudly.
We want women who are genuine and sincere.
We want women who have integrity AND humility.
We want women who dont try to control and emasculate us.
We want women who can give and receive equally.
We want women who enjoy our male qualities without humiliating us.
I say WE because my male friends are the ones who talk about this stuff with me. Yes, I am letting you ladies in on our thought here.
If any ladies want to flame me for this you are welcome to it but I hope you take a moment of pause and really take this one in. I am sure that it would improve your experience of men if you did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with rhytyhm and blues. I was the one initiating sex. The man I was seeing would rather hang out with the guys then be with me. I do not think he is gay, I do know he has low testosterone levels which is very common with middle aged men. In regards to thenotsogreat I am always working on improving myself through being a good mother, worker, person ,and taking care of myself through self improvement. The guy I broke up with in the end will be the one who loses because I was very devoted to him and treated him great, he has not dated and only golfs and goes to games and works. He will end up being lonely living with his cat. I have to focus on my daughter and meeting someone that wants family life because in the end what is most importantThanks for all the responses! I love this site!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Hey thatsnotsogreat, I just have to say, it seems you are making this the "fault" of women that men don't commit.That isn't fair and it isn't entirely true.I don't know what kind of women you have been involved with, but personally they don't sound like they have been that into you if they put you off sex and argue with you in public, either that or they are just manipulative and mean.There are a growing number of men who stop having sex with their girlfriends or wives, withholding because they are either angry with her and that is their passive agressive way of frustrating her and punishing her, or they claim they have no libido due to stress. Sex is very important to women as well, so don't hang that on the female gender.Anyway, you were right to dump these women who were so not into you, and we women have to do the same thing with selfish, immature, self centered men. People are people and there are just as many crap men as there are women.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): After every relationship im in that ends, I stop and work out what went wrong. I then look to what I can improve in myself so my next one will be better. and I actually do it. (I change because I want to, not because Im being made to)
No woman does this, they tend to waiste too much time feeling sorry for themselves and never learn anything thus they just keep making the same mistakes over and over.
From my experences Woman just dont understand how important sex is to men and the worse thing is that they dont try to understand. Why woould I want to marry a girl who wont sleep with me?? Better off single. See what I mean
Also there seems to be a reluctance from modern woman to actually give. (give mean you get nothing from doing something for your partner) Every time I have asked for anything the girl just gives me a filthy look and tells me Im sexist. yet they are surprised when I dump them.
The whole divorce thing has sent alot of guys that would have happily married running for cover.
If you really want a long term relationship you need to do a few things, dont worry they arnt that bad.
Men want you to be happy and will make alot of effort to make you happy. Do it back, make a fuss of him.
Be alittle more willing in bed, hearing "I dont feel like it" 12 days in a row will put me off you very quickly.
Dont argue with him in public, men hate this and if you do this I promise you any chance of marridge is gone.
harsh arnt I, i dont mean to be. I bet you are great, but serously try some of these things, I think you might like the result.
best of luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): because you are not being yourself (is what I meant to say).
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): I don't think men are afraid to commit, but he has to be ready to do so and there are a lot of factors that enter into that.
The main one is that he thinks you are the ONE.
There is no formulas for why a man picks one woman over another, but let me tell you, you have the power to pick the men.
Men will try to date the woman they are most physically attracted to first, they will approach and she will either be receptive or she won't and if she isn't then he just got rejected, he goes on to another and another until he finds one who is interested and then he decides if she is the one he enjoys being with and thinking about.
If you haven't been on the dating scene in a long time, you may just have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the right guy for you. There are emotionally unavailable men out there and you can surely recognize them pretty well can't you? Those guys are not really looking for any kind of relationship, just a physical one.
So the right frame of mind is not to focus on why men do what they do and what makes him pick someone else over you and try to adjust yourself accordingly.
The right frame of mind is to be your authentic self and know what kind of man and relationship you are looking for, what your non negotiables are and challenging men a little to see if they will step up to your standards. The right frame of mind is to pay attention, not jump in too quickly and determine if the man is good enough for you.
You have the power to choose the man and you have to have the confidence to know that you are the prize he has earn and win over, not the other way around. Of course you are going to be a person with her heart open and accepting a man the way he is, but you are strong on the inside and will expect to be treated the way you want to be treated, you will set your boudaries early and you will let the chumps fall where they may.
A great book to read to get back into the swing of the dating game is titled "Why Men Love Bitches" and the title is misleading it is a humorous book filled with lots of insight into how men view dating and women in that whole process and how to behave to get what you want. It isn't about being a bitch, it is about being a woman who doesn't need a man for a meal ticket but wants one for a companion and partner in crime, but she won't be disrespected or waste or time on men that are wasting her time.
So yeah, it is about having confidence within yourself.
The only thing you can control is you, the only person you can control is you. So you can agonize all day about committment phobic men, or you can start focusing on you and what you want and living your life authentically so that you attract the right man for you in the first place.
Because if you are trying to go into all these machinations of how to be and how to get a man, your man will not recognize you, because you are presenting the real deal.
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reader, Danielepew +, writes (1 November 2009):
You're asking several questions, some of which don't seem to have an easy answer.
I believe that, in general, Frank's opinion can be included into Human Male's: it's not always that a man doesn't want to commit to anyone at all, but perhaps that he doesn't want to commit to YOU, in particular. That doesn't mean you're bad; it simply means he doesn't think you would make a good couple with him.
I would also like to point out that a few men I've met have actually chosen to stay single. These people had long relationships and don't think they want to marry again. These men would happily have a relationship with a woman, and a long-term one, provided it didn't mean marriage. Because of the legal implications of it, as Frank says.
Your question about what makes a man choose a girl over another can have any number of answers.
And then, one opinion of mine. Your confidence can't be built on the basis that a man wants to tie the knot with you. Your confidence has to come from within yourself.
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reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (1 November 2009):
Why is it hard for men to commit?
Two reasons:
1-Because legally, men have more at risk. The law is such that men suffer more in cases of separation and divorce, and many men have either been burned really bad, destroyed financially, or know a guy that has. It is hard to bounce back when things like your financial credit has been tarnished because of a cheating wife. The same way that a woman that was physically abused in past marriages would not want to trust men or set serious again.
2-Second reason is that women do not address the emotional needs of men. There are men that simply do not have a capacity for monogamy. For those, open relationships with some level of commitment is possible. For guys that DO have the capacity for commitment, it is a question of their emotional needs being met, just like a woman will commit to a man when her emotional needs are properly met.
I wrote a book on men's emotional needs entitled The Eye of the Seductress and you can read a free preview at
http://www.franktalks.com
Lastly, if EVERY man you date is commitment phobic, you might want to do some inner work...there might be something inside yourself that causes you to only date men who behave this way, and the relationships you had/have are a pattern of behavior that is the symptom.
-Frank Kermit
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Human Male, I agree with you 100 percent however, the last guy is 45 and has never had a serious girlfriend. He has alot of friends and activities and felt he had not met a women where he was willing to change until he met me. He is not a player at all, the opposite. I felt things were going too slow a pace and broke up. Also, he spends an enourmous amount of time with his male friends. I keptthinking it was me, but he is 45 and never had any serious relationship It really was hard on my self esteem. Thanks much for responding!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): I may be wrong on this, but I personally believe that if a man doesn't want to commit, it means he doesn't want to commit to YOU. It means he thinks he can do better. He wants to keep his options open in case someone better comes along. But he doesn't want to end it with you because you're the best on offer at the moment and that's better than nothing.
If he really loved you he would want to be with you.
Again, I may be wrong and I'm sorry if I am. But if there are men in your life like this then just move on and forget them.
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