A
female
age
30-35,
*ysterium
writes:Hi all,So my dilemma is that I'm 25 and still single. A little about me: I'm a design student and working and I also practice fine arts. I'm considered very attractive and I'm a classic introvert. Usually, I work/study from morning to night and catch up on sleep on sundays. So I dont usually go out too often. Its not that I'm not making an effort, or putting myself out there. Its just that if I don't feel a connect, I instantly lose interest in pursuing it.I've never been in a proper relationship. I have always had fleeting, short but intense flings, I suppose. But I always longed for something stable and felt like it would complete me and I wont have anything else to ask for. This is something I thought until I started living by myself and eventually started to value and enjoy the time I spent in my own company. It was almost a defense mechanism and I made myself believe that you know what, I'm fine without a relationship. But at some point, I faced the fact that I feel bad about being alone. A lot of people like me but I unfortunately don't like them back romantically, and the couple of people I liked ended up breaking my heart so badly. I have unfortunately lost all faith in seeing myself being in a stable and happy romantic space. I have mentally prepared myself to be alone in the coming times. I feel like its the most realistic way to look at it. Why is it so hard for me to find anyone?Help :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Euphoria30  +, writes (18 May 2015):
Dear OP,You are attractive, BUT an introvert pessimist and you don't go out very much. You answered your question perfectly. That's why you're single in a nutshell.Boyfriends don't just happen just because you are attractive and deep down make a wish to get one, when you are alone in your room. You need to do something about it.If you always prioritise work and hanging out in the same places with the same people, of course you won't meet the right person for you. You don't give it a real chance.It happens to everybody: Sometimes you are the one who rejects, and sometimes you are rejected. That doesn't say anything about your compatibility with the right partner, it just means you haven't found him yet. A normal part of the process.Come on, girl, put some of the dedication and passion that you have for your work into your private life. Don't deny your desire for company. Admit to it. Don't passively wait in the tower for your prince to come, go to the ball and get him. Since you're interested in art.. maybe go and check out some galleries, art venues, concerts, readings, museums, to find a suitable man? If he shares some interests with you, that will be a great start. You can also try online dating but so far, I haven't been lucky with this method. To meet a man "out in the open", through work/hobby is best in my experience.A tip: Keep your eyes open everywhere. Practise every week, maybe every day even, to look at people you find attractive, dare to look them in the eye, smile, or even wink. Start to give out signals of interest. If you look beautiful but distant, men won't have the courage to approach you (unless they're insensitive).
A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (18 May 2015):
 Hi,I think we sometimes in our walk of life find a "comfort zone" we think this is safe and do not want to experiment it may be for many reasons may be because we think it's easy or it's the right thing for your self or various other things!Being in relationship where one gets hurt badly can be scarring,you may think that is it and I am not going to put myself out here Cuz I just put broken pieces of my hurt together!sometimes it's "okay" to put urself out there!you seem like a pretty sensible young man to me given your heartbreak followed by attention frm women you could have jumped into a rebound relationship easily but you took time got it sorted took you "alone" time which I think was right but now your ready aren't you!?if your thinking about it your ready to give it a go!why don't you start meeting up with friends from wrk or old friends,you know never know where you meet your "dream" woman!Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2015): "I have mentally prepared myself to be alone in the coming times."
That's why you haven't, and will not, meet anyone - You tell yourself its not going to happen so it doesn't.
Stop telling yourself you are going to be single for ever more and start enjoying dating. Stop taking it so seriously and enjoy gaining experience.
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