A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am so lonely, I find it hard to cope with life. I am 28 and spilt with my ex two years ago, the problem is nobody i meet seems to like me. I feel like I have been single for five years and not two, as i only got back with my ex as I couldnt find anyone else. We got back together after being spilt up for two years. We split up as she cheated on me. But the only reason i got back with her is cos it was better than being on my own. I am tired of being on my own, it is not the same talking to friends as it is to a partner. Yet the whole world seem to be able to meet partners and it just doesnt happen for me. Yet every girl I meet who i like doesn't feel the same about me. Yet all of my friend seem to find it really easy to meet partners, and i feel like i am going to be on my own for the rest of my life. I mean if i have never met anyone who liked me since i was 24, its unlikely now i am older anyone is going to fall for me. In total I am nearly 29, and life is passing me by, I feel so hard done by, everyone else has a better life. yet I haven't met anyone who liked me for five years now. I think that is a fair think to say as well, most people who are single have been single for less than one year. And since most people arnt single I feel like I really have the short straw. I find it hard to accept that i have to live like this, when everyone else is having fun. Ive looked at my life and dont think their is anything i could change. I mean I have good social skills, lots of friends, but unless I get a break I dont think i can be happy. Somtimes their is nothing you can change, I think thats why i am worried i may become an Alcoholic. Beacuse I have tried my hardest, I have waited a lot of years, and life has been one big let down. I dont want to feel bad about not having a partner, but when you feel like you have nothing to live for in the future, you might as well be dead, as I am dead inside.
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female
reader, jersey +, writes (26 July 2008):
I feel sorry for you, because I can relate to your situation. I never have any luck with guys and I'm 32!! Everybody (male and female, whatever their age) gets lucky from my parents, my sister to my friends and work colleagues. I have been on many holidays, nights out and so on, but I never get approached or chatted up by guys and have started to think I never will now. At least you're still in your twenties and you can have a shot at something. I'm concentrating on my career and my next move is to get a dog who at least will love me unconditionally and maybe I won't feel so lonely anymore. The thought of growing old alone is scary and I've been suicidal myself and it is difficult to pull yourself out of it. Sometimes I think our Western culture throws coupledom and families in single people's faces and there seems to be a stigma attached if you're single and female more than male. A lot of people ask what's wrong with me, don't you like men and so, honestly it drives me mad. Sometimes I'm content, but a lot of the time I feel lonely and fed up. I've seen older people find happiness and I believe that you will too some day, because there is someone out there for everybody. There is nobody out there for me and it is hard for me to accept that, but it's something that I shall have to live with. Good luck with finding someone and I hope it works out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): Ok, being single isn't the worst thing in the world. I have been single for most of my life but know that if I were to drop standards I could end up with a man. It is not that hard but you have to look beyond that, why settle for something that isn't working you will feel more depressed. This is the point, why waste time with someone who isn't really for you, such as your ex, when you could be activly looking for someone new. Internet dating and singles evenings are the way forward, you will meet a load of like minded people but also if things don't work out you can have the positive knowledge that not everyone is in a couple and also you will have more experience of what you are looking for. Whilst it is good to have a glass of wine and look to what you are missing if you are worried about becoming an alcoholic I think you may already have some alcohol issues that need to be sorted. Be positive, no one likes a moaning minnie, and no one likes a desperate person. I know it's hard but my friends are the same flitting from relationship to relationship and in the end they may be happy but are also wasting a lot of emotional agro, feel happy that you have had an ex as you can look back on the experience and learn from it but you are 28 and not without years of more life. You need to get out there and try and date regularly. Our lifestyle does not accomodate meeting people in bars, usually it is through friends and the like but if you try internet dating what do you have to lose, nothin.
Now cheer up and go out and hunt activly rather than wallowing in your own self pity. Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): I understand what you are saying troubled too much, but my problem is not social skills or asking girls out. My problem is being alone, sadly as i said in first message, I have tried everything. Now I want to stop looking and get on with life without hurting.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): dude, don't feel so bad about yourself. i mean, i go through that too, sometimes. i'm 36, and i've been feeling on and on like that for years...since i was probably 20. i'm going to say a few things that you've heard before here, but only because i found them to be true in my experience. i've dated a lot of girls in my life, and have had some long- and short- term relationships. here is what you need to remember:
1) what CAN you change about yourself? are you overweight? even the most unattractive guy can look good to girls if he has a good physique. i'm talking you should be able to see your abs when you lift your shirt or go swimming. it takes a lot of work for most of us...i lost 40 pounds working out and watching my diet before i reached that point. if you're already the skinny type, hit the weights heavy and put on some mass. if nothing else, getting to the gym will make you feel better about yourself.
2) join an online dating service. seriously. two of the coolest girls i've ever met and dated were from eharmony. this isn't a plug for eharmony, but it worked for me - there are many other online dating services as well.
3) enjoy doing things alone. learn to go to the theatre alone. go mountain biking alone. i do these things alone, and in turn begin to feel more secure about myself. girls can read that - they want someone comfortable and secure with themselves.
4) get a better job. work on your job-hunting skills. make enough money to be able to pay for a date or two.
5) don't be overly anxious. chicks don't like it. you need to act secure about yourself - act like you are the shit. act like you are in charge, and if that hot female that you just got done talking to doesn't call you, it's her loss. you really need to think that way. i'm not saying you should act cocky, but also don't act too interested when you first start talking to a girl.
use all of these tips, my friend, and you'll meet a girl. best of luck (for you and me both).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): Karlos and Uncle Trev are so right. Six months after my divorce (age 33), I finally decided to ask someone for a date. I was very shy and lacked confidence. I had known this woman at work, but I never talked to her. When I approached her, she was somewhat irritated. She later told me that she always thought that I was stuck up because I never looked at someones eyes when I passed them and I never spoke to them. That was true because I was so shy. I was friendly with people after I got to know them, but not with those who I never was forced to interact with. Anyway, she ignored my shy advances.
One night, a group of people went out to a tavern where there was country dancing. Both of us danced, but neither one of us liked country. Neither one of us knew that the other would be with the group. At some time everyone at the table was dancing, except her and me. I got up the courage to go and sit beside her and start a discussion. She was the type of person who would not outright reject someone in a situation like that, so she reluctantly talked to me. After a while, she started to realize that I was not self centered and stuck up. Some of us in the group decided to get together at my house afterwards. She didn't know how to get home because the girl that had ridden with her and given her directions was going home with someone else. I told her that we were getting together at my house, so she followed me.
All had a good time talking and listening to music. She left to go home before the others because she didn't want to be left alone with me. However, she did accept my request for a date. Two days after our first date, she broke up with the guy that she was dating at the time. She had totally changed her opinion of me. We have been together for 28 years and she has been my wife for 22 years and we couldn't be much happier.
If I had not had the courage to start to talk to her, even after she had originally rejected me, I would have probably become even more shy and depressed about my situation. I would have thought that no one liked me. Early in our relationship, I dated several other women. I found out that they also liked me. Since I had come out of my shell, I even had a couple of women ask me for a date. Since they knew my girlfriend, I had to kindly refuse so that she would not be hurt by my dating someone that she knew.
You have got to get the courage to take your chances. I asked women out who refused me, but once I had started to gain confidence, it didn't matter.
I also knew a very nice woman shortly after my divorce but before I had the courage to ask my now wife for a date. She made some romantic comments one beautiful night while we were riding the chair lift at the ski area. I just sat there like a bump on a log, saying nothing or something dumb. After 2 different nights of skiing with me, she gave up on me. I was too shy to have the courage to say something nice to her. I probably had the chance to get a date with a very nice woman, but was so lacking in confidence that I could not get the courage to even ask. Perhaps you have had some chances like this, but are also too lacking in confidence to realize it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): Thats the problem, I dont want to be postive as I know it will hurt when my efforts come to nothing, what i want to know is how to live on my own, and not be hurt by the crap life I have
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (30 October 2007):
You need to build yourself up with some P.M.A. (Positive mental attitude)
If you do not love yourself how an earth would a girl get to love you?
You need to start motivating yourself and showing some independance and by this very nature girls will warm towards you.
As hard as it sounds you need to realise that you will not be successful in finding love if you do not believe that you can do this, and it is very difficult to get anybody to like you more than you like yourself. Get to like yourself first and then wait for the good things to happen.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): I dont believe no one likes me, i know it, the proof is in the pudding and I have none, so no one likes me
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A
male
reader, Karlos Omnis +, writes (29 October 2007):
 It seems to me that you are currently in a vicious circle. You lack self-confidence because you believe no-one likes, and you believe no-one likes you because you lack self-confidence so you just dig a bigger and bigger hole.It is also said that the second you stop looking for something, it'll find you.In other words stop being so desperate, and you'll never know what will fall into your lap
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A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (29 October 2007):
 hey,i am really sad about your story:(
maybe you only look for the perfect girl that you haven't found yet, or maybe you are looking in the wrong places but comon you won't be alone forever am sure you have many freinds to live for.
girls first look in guys is there looks, so try being more atactive .girls love humor so be funny.
girls love having fun so try making never have enough with spending time with you .
be romantic with flowers and don't hide your emotions .................... wish you the best luck hope you find that perfect someone you are looking for bye XXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Hi thereI am sorry that you are feeling so low. It sounds as though you are very insecure in yourself and to a certain extent depressed '...might as well be dead as I am dead inside'. I understand that you have started to feel really alone and you feel as though life is passing you by. However, You are only twenty nine. That is not old. Yeah you are older than you were before and your social life is changing. You may be finding that you can't meet people as easily as before due to the fact that many would have started to settle down and dont go to the same places as before. You have to start trying to rebuild yourself and stop looking for that special person. You sound very needy and neediness is not a quality that many people will find attractive. You say you are very social. Therfore, you shouldnt find it hard talking to people but you need to change the venues, the scene and do things that you wouldnt normally do. Ask yourself what YOU like about you. If you cannot find many things then how can someone else. Work on improving your looks. Join a gym, do a sport, anything! as long as it is not the same as what you are doing now. When yopu start to truely love yourself then you can truely love another. Talk with you partner about why she had the affair in the first place. Maybe you have not really moved on from the trust that was broken by her in the first place and with a greater understanding maybe you can understand what you can do differently now. If you find that these things dont help maybe find a pet. Hope that helped. Good luck!
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