A
female
age
41-50,
*loraltemptaions
writes:Well, my dilemma is this- my bf and I were just away for a week on holidays and while he was away he proposed (totally surprised me!) I was SOOO happy, and we waited to get home to tell our families. When I got home I told my family including my older sister who we'll call J. I thought she might be kind of envious, as her and her bf have been dating a long time... and I knew that they would probably get engaged soon (I thought next spring), although they have already decided that they wont be getting married until 2009. Well... needless to say, she called me back last night, crying, telling me that they were getting engaged next weekend (she knew about it apparently?) and she doesnt want ppl to think that she's stealing the limelight (which she is kind of known for doing- she's always the center of attention, I'm quieter and never really speak up.) So, she basically called to ask for permission to still get engaged, and I told her that it was fine... but... when I got off the phone I was kind of upset. An I selfish to ask her if they could postpone it for like a month? Just so I can tell everyone (we share a lot of friends and live in a small community)... I feel like I'm being selfish, but for once, I would just to live life and have people excited for me, instead of always comparing us. My bf was also a little upset, because J designed her own ring and it is HUGEEEEE... and my ring is smaller and simple (which is what I wanted!)... and he doesnt want to be compared. Please... any advice would be wonderful!! thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Well, think of it this way. Why do you need a big to-do about your engagement? Shouldn't you just be happy about the fact that you are engaged? Why do you need attention about it? When I was engaged, I told my family and close friends but that was it, and I wouldn't have cared at all if my sister also was engaged at the same time. Just ignore her, if she's such a drama queen.. And no one cares about who's ring is bigger. I know as a woman it can make us feel kind of shorted, when we see a woman with a huge diamond and ours is tiny. But if the money is tight, then a ring isn't important. I think everyone ele will see thru your sister's attempt to steal your thunder. It will make her look selfish. But I know where you're coming from. I would feel a bit annoyed too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): I would just leave it and enjoy all you have. It is your sister who clearly has the problem. If she is used to the limelight then let her have it. People will be happy for you. And as for the ring, that is a personal thing and you should be happy with the one that you have. I know how you must feel, but i would just let it go and be happy for her. She probably goes through live always feeling slightly disappointed with things and that is why she has to have everyones attention. So what! You two got engaged because you two love each other and one day you two will get married, absolutely nothing to do with her. Let her get on with it.
take care
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A
female
reader, RNaunt +, writes (29 October 2007):
hey, hmmm, this one could lead to awkward situations no matter what you do. well, i would probably talk to her and tell her that if she's in a huge rush to get engaged then fine, but just don't make a huge announcement of it for a few weeks. or even better, if she could hold off for a few weeks taht it would mean a lot to you. If she's been with this guy for so long anyway then it shouldn't be a big deal if she waits another month or so! maybe even talk to her boyfriend if you and him are on good terms... hope this helps, good luck and take care!
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