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female
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anonymous
writes:okayyy, i've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. we get on amazing but his ex issues seriously bother me. she tried breaking us up until she got a bf of her own a couple of months ago, but im still majorly iunsecure. Everything was great until i found out he had pictures of her on his computer which he "forgot" about. Granted he deleted everything but it still bothers me. Secondly, I was tidying his room and found a load of old valentines things this ex and another gave him, he says just bin them but I've become even more jealous now..... am I really over reacting? Do I have a need to be jealous as he's with me not them? I compare myself all the time :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers, ive spoken to my bf about this and said to him he doesnt HAVE to get rid of the stuff i appreciate he has memories but could he please put it away elsewhere. he insists on getting rid of it though. I accept he has a past, as i do,i was cheated on and a tarnish him with the same brush which i shouldnt do but it doesnt help when he is occasionally careless ! I obviously have some jealous issues that i need to sort out and i need to stop worrying im inadequate because im obviously not if he is still around :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionpictures on his computer were found as were on his desktop. he had the stuff on top of his wardrobe in a box so wasnt exactly hard to find. he hasnt cheated on me...but there were a lot of rumours at the start of the relationship...mostly spawned by his ex which is probably why im so insecure now.
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 Well you know also he should be allowed momentos of past relationships too. He could have honestly forgotten and it you found them or he was sneaky and hid them. Honestly though, why would you assume the latter?
Even if he did want to keep them he didn't and deleted those trinkets. You need to let go.
I still have love letters written to me by one of my exs. If my husband found them, I know for a fact he wouldn't mind. I am allowed to have a past and so is he. It would be very controlling if either one of us just wanted to hide eachothers past. You need to enjoy and concentrate on the now or risk being so stuck in the past that you will let this relationship slip through your fingers with the sands of time. There are bigger problems ahead than spare momentos of days gone by.
HonningKanin
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male
reader, Male20 +, writes (2 December 2009):
you stil havent really understood, read my post again.
Its not about solving the problem you are faced with today but solving the problem as a whole so similar things dont become a problem in the future.
TRUST HIM, let this go. Dont think about it again, i still have my ex's things at my house and my girlfriend doesnt know, i dont really wana get rid of them but i dont look at them and think of her all the time.
Let it go, move on and concentrate on YOU, YOU, YOU!!!!
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male
reader, countryboy  +, writes (2 December 2009):
well from what i hear on the radio recently guys tend to keep things from past realtionships more than girls do. where as most girls just sell or burn everything that reminds them of their ex. pretty much every guy u meet who has had a couple of girlfriends has a dresser drawer somewhere in their house with old love notes or pictures and things like that. i know its not fun to find those things but i think u shouldnt have any reason to be jealous. if he is happy with u and u are happy with him theres no sence worrying about the his past.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your answers. its just that we have been through so much. and when i start to forget the past and be happy again something else comes up. i forgot the pictures....and i asked him to get rid of anything he had and he said he was sure he had....did he honestly forget these little "trinkets" he had hidden away? is he doing something wrong or sneaky or should i let it go ?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 December 2009):
 I think you need to let go of your own insecurities. Look at WHO he is with now. He is with you. Not her. If he wanted her he would be pursuing HER. Let her go. Don't let the image of her ruin a good relationship. When you spend this much time comparing and being jealous you are the one "inviting" her in between your BF and yourself.
That is the thing when you date a guy who have an ex. They have a past. At time point in time they were in item, shared a lot of emotions and memories. Most ( if not all) the emotions fade, but not all memories does. Make NEW memories for you and the guy you love and care for.
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reader, Sadnat  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 hey there
guys are very careless with this kind of stuff, they really do forget about it and girls are way more sentimental. tell him how you feel. He will reasure you. If he hasnt got a problem getting rid of it it should be clear to you that he loves you!!! everyone has a past and there will always be signs of the ex around at first but as your relationship gets sronger and more intense he will feel no connection to the stuff, dont worry about it too much, just talk to him and tell him it feels weird.
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reader, Male20 +, writes (2 December 2009):
Initially, i would get bothered about that if i saw my girlfriend having those things. However, after i try look at things logically and calm myself down i would later understand that; it is difficult to accept what he is telling you but over working your brain wont do you any favours. Everybody has a past, and you need to accept that.
If he was so over the moon about his previous ex then he would be with her today not you. Trust him until you have a reason not to.
Finding these things is not a reason to not trust him.
He is always going to have memories of a previous relationship that no matter how hard you try you cannot get rid of them because you dont control his brain. Therefore even if he did get rid of all these physical memories he would still have mental memories and you should accept that because its out of your control. think of them as the same thing and understand he has moved on from his past. Make new, better memories that involve you!!
As far as comparing yourself you need to understand a few things..
1) you are a unique person, everyone is different, both in looks and personality, why would you want to be the same as someone else when he originally got with you because of who you are
2) you are different to his ex, therefore at this moment in time you dont possess the same characteristics as his ex hence the reason you are together. (his previous relationship has ended)
3) dont concentrate on negative aspects, this negative view will flood the relationship and make both of you unhappy.
4) dont push him away, show him your possitive qualities to ensure he carries on to enjoy been with you.
5) learn to love yourself and be confident about who you are
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female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (2 December 2009):
 Hun, this guy has an ex... so you are just going to have to come to terms with the fact that there was another woman before you...
Sounds like he is over his ex, he even asked you to throw away old valentine cards from her, and honestly, he probably did forget that there were images of her on his pc...
Talk to him, find out how he feels about you, and remember he is with you not them!!
If you let your jealousy take over, you might as well give up on the relationship!!
Everytime you feel a jealousy urge starting, stop what you are doing, count to 10 and redirect your thoughts to something more positive!!!
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reader, HonningKanin +, writes (2 December 2009):
Well you have to come to terms with the fact that he has a past. Sure there will be stuff that reminds you that you were not his first, but honestly who cares? He is with you right now and him sticking with you through the ex trying to break you up issue didn't make you see that then you need to work on your self esteem.
Comparing yourself to them is pointless because he is also not with them. He is not with them for a reason making you better than them atleast in his eyes. Try to take deep breaths and trust him. When you have trust in him and your relationship, how things are going, there is no point in being jealous of threats that are really not there.
If you need him to make you feel secure about the relationship just talk to him and ask him how he feels about you, but you also have to believe what he says too. You cant just have him talk about him caring about you, but not believe it. Otherwise its a pointless effort. Remember if you let your jealousy take hold, it can put up communication walls, it will make him feel there are subjects he cannot talk with you about and even break the relationship up.
HonningKanin
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