A
female
age
30-35,
*hadowre
writes:I go out to a local pub in town most friday nights to see a friend play in his band. I enjoy going, but for some reason, I seem to be atracting scum, players and old dudes. Am I giving these people that impression? I am not a slutty person at all! I dress sensible when I go out. There are girls there that look like complete tarts. All my friends are either with nice dudes or about to be with people, but all there dudes are like the nicest people in the world. Is it me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): Hi,
I know you weren't judging people or dismissing all single guys in pubs as losers - my response was more motivated by one of the replies you received from one of the aunts, who seemed to do precisely that.
Of course there are losers in pubs. And winners, and far more often, the 95% of people who are both/neither of the above. I agree that guys looking you up and down as if you're a piece of meat rather than a human being isn't nice, though if you look good you will be 'complimented' on your appearance, and if it's done nicely then it's not really a problem.
There are some really horrible bars - 'meat markets' with deafening loud music deliberately pumped up to make sure the punters can't have a normal conversation without screaming into one another's ears, so they just buy more drink - and Ireland is absolutely infested with them. Look for nicer bars, they are out there.
All the best!
A
female
reader, shadowre +, writes (13 October 2009):
shadowre is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ok firstly, I dont judge people. Iam always nice to new people. And when i say old, I mean old, like in the fortys. I wouldnt class people like you mentioned as dull etc., i love art, and iam far from boring haha. I was simple saying that there are losers in pubs! Like old dudes, that would be looking you up and down, saying your hot. Theres this group of dudes, who sit by the girls toilets, anf as you way past they'd same something like, your hot. I just dont like that. Bear in mind iam talking about ireland here, big drinkers, haha.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): Fact: Dozens of the most intriguing, bright, prescient, well-rounded, worthwhile individuals I've known happen to visit bars. Shock horror, some of them are actually male and single. Bars are extremely popular because lots of people enjoy visiting them - most usually to socialise, meet new people, make new friends, unwind after a day's work, let their hair down with a drink or two - a billion reasons. Or maybe even because they're a tried-and-tested setting in which to meet prospective partners, ie to 'pick up' - who's to judge anyone for doing that? To dismiss all single men who visit bars as 'losers' is as ridiculously reductive as saying that the guys who visit art galleries (or take part in boating events/10k runs/volunteer organisations etc) are all dull, boring and have no sense of fun. OP...you are, of course, absolutely right to ignore the 'scum, players and old dudes' (Though from what I've seen, 'old dudes' often get judged very harshly and spoken to extremely rudely by attractive younger women purely because they LOOK rotten - fact is, if people are nice and friendly to you, it's polite to respond in kind). And I'm sure you'll find a nice guy. Maybe start finding some better bars!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 October 2009):
No, it's not you. But if you want to meet a good guy, you're looking in the wrong place! You'll just hae to wade through all the rubbish guys until you find the nice one, or take up a hobby where other men are and meet them that way. It's not you, it's just that you look nice, so rubbish guys will try their luck.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (4 October 2009):
 Those guys hit on every woman walking, so don't take it personally. I do suggest you start going to different places to meet different kinds of people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): Why narrow your field of possible dates to the losers who hang out in pubs. There are not many "nice" single men who hang out in pubs. The nice ones there are coupled up or married. Why think it's you, it's clearly them.
Start going out to do things where men who are living there lives hang out, like volunteer organizations, super markets, book stores, art galleries, boating events, 10k runs, bicycling, wine tastings, I don't know the list goes on. Get interested in something other than pubs and you are bound to meet some interesting quality "dudes".
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A
female
reader, xAx +, writes (3 October 2009):
 I agree with you - you are not trying to attract attention. They are most likely coming to you because you look innocent and sweet and they think they can get in with you. Just ignore them and don't seem interested.
Hope this helps X
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