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female
,
anonymous
writes: I cheated on my bf over a year a go now. It was only a kiss but he forgave me and we have been happy together.Earlier today I was borrowing his fone to text my sister, (this was with his permission), when you go to send the message it has a list of contacts recently text. at the very top of this list was Stephanie, I have never heard of her before and when I confronted him about it he said after a slight pause, you really want to know? I was like yeah! he said his mate Adam met her when they were out last night and liked her and he didn't have his phone on him so he borrowed his. I don't believe this, the messages had been deleted from his phone and he had been acting funny with it all day (taking it with him when he walked out the room and stuff)he then started having a go at me saying I should trust him and bought up the thing about me cheating. he also started saying to me, you've got no proof. I know that is true but it just seems like a lie that a school boy would tell his mum when she finds his cigarettes.If he really hadn't done anything would he have reacted like that? I was so shaken by it I picked up my bag and walked home. he tried calling me a few times at the time but I didn't answer, I didn't want to talk to him. please give me your honest opinions, I feel like such an idiot!
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female
reader, Just a Girl...  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 huni i totally undersatnd where your cumin from. yeatserday i was at the pub with my bf and was textin sum1 from his phone which he was cool with but wen the msg came back i looked in his inbox n there was a girls name id never herd of. instead of askin him hunshe was i read it (bad i knw) n it was actually reli lovely cos obviously hed been tellin her about me from wat it was sayin!
i felt reli dumb because i was doubting him without knwoin anythin! but the way your bf is actin seems reli strange. i undersatnad that he probly has a thing about you kissing sum1 else but wen he decieded to forgive you it ment him puting it behind him which he clearly hasnt. id give it a few days n see how u feel cos rite now feelings r probly runnin high
gud luck bbe xxxx
A
female
reader, heyheyhey +, writes (11 June 2007):
 I think people who cheat and are forgiven-they are always paranoid that their partner will try to have one up on them-maybe alot of this has to do with your own guilt or feeling like you are not worthy to be forgiven and that he will tyr to get you back. Maybe use this tme apart and try to figure out what you really want. He sounds like he does care for you alot or else he wont have forgiven you in the first place. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): You may have caught him out on a flirt, which is upsetting, but I expect you could forgive him if he came clean. You did, about the kiss, which was not exactly a great infidelity was it? You could try telling him that you would forgive him if he was honest and trusted you enough to admit if there was something in it.
See if you can get him to talk to you about it and agree that you are even now. It would be nice if you could both express regret, confirm your love for each other and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): Anyone whose response is "You've got no proof" is telling you that they are guilty.
Bringing up your "cheating" episode after a year of apparently putting it behind him, also suggests that he is using this as a justification for his own behaviour - "you did it so it's ok if I do". You came clean and asked for forgiveness and were - it seemed - given it. If he is now withdrawing his forgiveness retroactively, it's because he has done or is doing something that itself would need forgiving for your relationship to continue.
For the relationship to have a future, however, he needs to be as honest with you as you were with him.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (11 June 2007):
 Dear Anom,
From your post i feel your bf does care about you but he is still bitter about what happened.
what happened about a year ago still plays a crucial part in your relationship. I respect you for being open with him about it and that is what you have to let him know. Honestly is very important and he should be straight with you about anything just like you were with him.
Also, what happened is now a thing of the past most especially if he was willing to forgive you and move past it. Treat it as a thing of the past and try to discourage it for being mentioned after a slight any argument or it being justification for a need to be unfaithful in the future. Talk to him about this and let him know how u feel.
For the other aspect my opinion so far is that i dont feel he has actually cheated with this girl.Not sure if he wasnt considering it. But the issue is that the problems both of you have can be worked on. If u really do love him i would advise u to focus on that for now.
Goodluck
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A
male
reader, iloveheralot  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 slowly find out if that girl is he's next crush.
answer his calls. but don't like talk to him the usual way.
make him know that your really upset about that girl on his phone.
he may just confess it out.
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